Completely Made-up Omens Which Will Probably Come True
Send E. Jean's
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Today's Horrorscope Thursday September 9th |
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| Aries
[March 21 - April 19]
Want to meet people? THEN LEAVE YOUR EFFING HOUSE!
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Taurus
[April 20 - May 20]
Free yourself from your gender roles!!!
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Gemini
[May 21 - June 20]
Stop partying so hard. Return to innocence!!!
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| Cancer
[June 21 - July 22]
Something is about to make you FURIOUS!!! Try to be civil. |
Leo
[July 23 - August 22]
It is finally time to admit that you are wrong.
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Virgo
[August 23 - September 23]
The summertime is your time to shine. Make MAGIC happen before it's too late!
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| Libra
[September 24 - October 22]
Are people doing nice things for you? They may have ulterior motives.
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Scorpio
[October 23 - November 22]
Don't force people to do things if they do not want to do them.
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Sagittarius
[November 23 - December 24]
Even though you're addicted to bon bons and crappy foods, you still look amazing.
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| Capricorn
[December 25 - January 19]
Don't overreact, or you could end up in big trouble.
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Aquarius
[January 20 - February 18]
Small gestures can hurt someone greatly. |
Pisces
[February 19 - March 20]
Take advantage of those more fortunate than you.
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The Dope Blogoscope:
A Quack Recommends the Best and Worst of the Blogosphere
The Good
Rachel Dratch recently gave birth to a boy.
Congratulations! Babies are weird though. Baby humans and baby mice are surprisingly similar, in my opinion.
Keith Hunt September 8, 2010
The Bad
Even though he was recently the recipient of a 5-figure settlement from Beyonce, a fellow by the name of Philip Markowitz is still complaining about her shooting a music video in his driveway without permission.
He says, "I'm happy with the settlement, but this lawsuit shouldn't have happened in the first place. They set up on my property without asking..."
What a sad, curmudgeony old man. I'm going to make a prequel to Grumpy Old Men, starring him.
It's about time that classic movie got a prequel anyway.
Keith Hunt September 8, 2010
The Terrible
In response to Perez Hilton calling him a "douchebag," 50 Cent recently tweeted a tasteless joke about "shooting up a gay wedding."
Yikes. I am greatly disturbed and disappointed by this tweet. I wish 50 didn't create such catchy flows, so that I could boycott his music. In fact, I'm bumpin' "I Get Money" as we speak.
If Archie Bunker knew how to rap well, I'd probably still listen. The racist bastard.
Keith Hunt September 8, 2010
