Completely Made-up Omens Which Will Probably Come True

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Today's
Horrorscope

Monday February 8th



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For some weirdly inexplicable reason, Andrew Hunt has been scarily accurate in his predictions. He shoots his forecasts at The Albion Hotel, Guelph, Ontario, Canada.
If Your Birthday Is Today

If you need to say something important, be creative.

Aries [March 21 - April 19]

Do not lie to people in order to spare their feelings!

Taurus [April 20 - May 20]

Everything you do in life...do it to make sure your funeral will be super sad and super packed.

Gemini [May 21 - June 20]

Running is the key to romance!

Cancer [June 21 - July 22]

Do not be fooled by your attraction to someone!

Leo [July 23 - August 22]


Don't go GaGa for Mulla!!!

Virgo [August 23 - September 23]

Something bad is going to happen when you are doing something fun.

Libra [September 24 - October 22]

Don't let people patronize you!!!

Scorpio [October 23 - November 22]

Someone is going to ask you a simple question.  Do not overreact!

Sagittarius [November 23 - December 24]

How do you advance in your career when your boss is so mean?

Capricorn [December 25 - January 19]

Do not be heartless!!!

Aquarius [January 20 - February 18]

Do not bet on the underdog.

Pisces [February 19 - March 20]

Don't let your friends pollute their bodies!


 

The Dope Blogoscope:
A Quack Recommends the Best and Worst of the Blogosphere



The Good

Danni Minogue recently took to her Twitter to put to rest rumours that she is filming a reality show about her recent pregnancy.

I thought that this reality show idea sounded too cheesy for a Minogue. The Minogue sisters are the coolest famous sisters since Tia and Tamara.

-Keith Hunt  February 8, 2010

The Bad

 

Taylor Lautner has just been cast to play Stretch Armstrong in an upcoming 3D movie. I'm a bit mad that he took my dream role.

-Keith Hunt February 8, 2010

The Terrible

Did you happen to catch Carrie Underwood singing the national anthem at the SuperBowl last night?

A little pitchy at the end, wasn't she? Oh well. Happens to the best of them. Besides, Carrie's my new favorite because I recently saw her in a conference answering a joke question with a joke. Any girl that knows how to improv like that should be my girlfriend.

Give me a ring, Carrie. Until then, I will be practicing my voice by reading out loud every day, so that, when you call, my voice doesn't screech likes yours did at the end of the national anthem.

-Keith Hunt  February 8, 2010