Completely Made-up Omens Which Will Probably Come True
Send E. Jean's
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Today's Horrorscope Friday September 3rd |
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| Aries
[March 21 - April 19]
Want to meet people? THEN LEAVE YOUR EFFING HOUSE!
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Taurus
[April 20 - May 20]
Free yourself from your gender roles!!!
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Gemini
[May 21 - June 20]
Stop partying so hard. Return to innocence!!!
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| Cancer
[June 21 - July 22]
Something is about to make you FURIOUS!!! Try to be civil. |
Leo
[July 23 - August 22]
It is finally time to admit that you are wrong.
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Virgo
[August 23 - September 23]
The summertime is your time to shine. Make MAGIC happen before it's too late!
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| Libra
[September 24 - October 22]
Are people doing nice things for you? They may have ulterior motives.
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Scorpio
[October 23 - November 22]
Don't force people to do things if they do not want to do them.
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Sagittarius
[November 23 - December 24]
Even though you're addicted to bon bons and crappy foods, you still look amazing.
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| Capricorn
[December 25 - January 19]
Don't overreact, or you could end up in big trouble.
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Aquarius
[January 20 - February 18]
Small gestures can hurt someone greatly. |
Pisces
[February 19 - March 20]
Take advantage of those more fortunate than you.
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The Dope Blogoscope:
A Quack Recommends the Best and Worst of the Blogosphere
The Good
Natalie Portman is receiving advanced praise for her performance in Black Swan. Her performance is even garnering Oscar buzz from some critics.
If I knew how to act, my goal in life would be to obtain an Oscar. But since I can't act, my goal in life is to get as buff as Oscar. Man, that guy's pectorals are ripped!
Keith Hunt September 2, 2010
The Bad
50 Cent recently announced that he is taking a break from Twitter until September 6th in order to focus on working on his new album, The Return Of The Heartless Monster.
How much time in a day does Twitter take up for you, 50 Cent? Do you sit around all day, racking your brain to come up with some brilliant, catchy Tweet that will change the universe?
Actually, I shouldn't criticize: I waste time in my day doing the same thing with my Facebook statuses. If I didn't waste so much time on them, I could have probably written a novel by now--one with as brilliant a title as The Return Of The Heartless Monster.
Keith Hunt September 2, 2010
The Terrible
Martha Stewart recently expressed interest in replacing Larry King as the next great TV interviewer. She says she would be good for the job because she "loves to talk to people."
I love eating, but that doesn't mean that I can become the world's next best chef. That doesn't mean that I can become the world's next Ronald McDonald.
Keith Hunt September 2, 2010
