Completely Made-up Omens Which Will Probably Come True
Send E. Jean's
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Today's Horrorscope Thursday March 11th |
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Forget the lessons you learned in the past!!! Think critically.
Aries
[March 21 - April 19]
Don't neglect your friends.
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Taurus
[April 20 - May 20]
Don't blame yourself. Blame the system!
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Gemini
[May 21 - June 20]
Keep trying! ...Even if you fail the first 100 times!
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Cancer
[June 21 - July 22]
Do you want to make some money? Write a child's book.
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Leo
[July 23 - August 22]
Choose art over science!
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Virgo
[August 23 - September 23]
Sometimes you just cannot win. I am sorry. But the time may come where you have to face the facts.
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Libra
[September 24 - October 22]
Sometimes...you just gotta lie.
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Scorpio
[October 23 - November 22]
You only live ONCE.....Well...maybe twice.
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Sagittarius
[November 23 - December 24]
Take advantage of those more fortunate than you!
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Capricorn
[December 25 - January 19]
Try to be on top of things this week! Don't slip!
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Aquarius
[January 20 - February 18]
You are about to make the impossible possible.
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Pisces
[February 19 - March 20]
Plan ahead this week! You'll regret it by Friday if you don't...
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The Dope Blogoscope:
A Quack Recommends the Best and Worst of the Blogosphere
The Good
Justin Timberlake is the luckiest man on Earth. Not only is his girlfriend super hot, but she's also turning into a full-fledged mountain-climber. How cool is that?
After tackling Mount Kiliminjaro, Jessica Biel recently announced that she now has her sights set on Mount Everest.
There are only two types of people in the world: those who write awful song lyrics with metaphors about climbing mountains, and those who actually climb mountains. Jessica Biel is the latter.
-Keith Hunt March 11, 2010
The Bad
Natalie Mejia from the group Girlicious was recently arrested for cocaine possesion.
In other news, I am writing today's blogs in public, and I hope nobody around me thought that I was looking at porn when I was trying to find a Google Image photograph of Natalie. The photograph above is one of the most appropriate ones I could find of her. Yikes!
-Keith Hunt March 11, 2010
The Terrible
Heidi Montag recently announced that her husband Spencer Pratt is no longer her manager. To replace him, she hired a psychic. What's next, Lindsay Lohan hiring Ms. Cleo to be her agent? Sorry for that comment, but this story was just begging for a Jerry Seinfeld-wannabe punchline.
Hey, guy sitting behind me in the library, I'm not looking porn. That's Heidi Montag suntanning on a beach. Stop looking!
-Keith Hunt March 11, 2010
