The Irrational Attraction of the Bad Boy

by: Jen Kalaidis
University of Wisconsin
The Badger Herald

Girls dig ‘bad boys’. Duh, we all know this. As early as diapers, we secretly fancied the little brat who threw sand at us during recess, rather than the nice little chap who offered to share his fruit snacks. This preference is almost instinctual – but where does it come from? Do women have a biological disposition to prefer the edgy over the conventional, the wild over the tamed, the sexy over the sweet – or is this a socially constructed phenomena?




The biological claim may use ‘fitness’ as evidence – and no, I don’t mean that the guy who has the Michelangelo’s David body, by nature, gets all the girls (although, I’m sure most of us would have no problem with that!). I mean fitness as in maximizing offspring. In biological terms, a guy who is the most fit will be able to spread his DNA all over the place and help procreate the healthiest offspring. Excusing the cheating husband for knocking up his secretary might be an evolutionary tactic because we know that he is the most biologically fit; therefore, even if he’s played you, he is still better than, say, the loyal best guyfriend with the goofy smile (who won’t cheat on you, and is thus, not as ‘fit’).




Or maybe all of that biological stuff is bull and the attraction to bad boys is totally socially constructed. From Achilles, to Lord Byron, to James Dean, bad boys have been tantalizing women with their dangerously irresistible charm since the Stone Age. The media has created an image, advertised it as sexy, and that is why women have been seduced into chaotic relationships with bad boys.




Both have legitamcy, so I’m subscribing that maybe it’s a combination of both. As much as I’d like to describe the universal characteristics of the archetypical bad boy, they are still people, after all, so a simple universal hypothesis will not suffice. However, what they do have in common as one way or another, they’ve played us, and we still – to the horror of our friends who hear us bitch about them all the time – can’t get over our irrational attraction to them.




Irrationality and unpredictability go hand in hand. After a little logical reasoning, it makes sense that our irrational attraction to them is because of some sort of unpredictable variable. They can be smothering you with kisses one minute, cooing about how much they love you, and then leave the room and make out with your best friend the next. While this is horrible, and totally inexcusable, it is, in its own twisted way, almost…exciting? That sort of unpredictability breaks the comfort cycle, and dare I say mundane rhythm of a perfect relationship. While I’m not saying you need to experience adultery to have an exciting relationship, the feeling of knowing you’re with someone so unpredictable can be a little exhilarating. And attractive.




But not all bad boys are cheaters, and not all cheaters are bad boys. In most cases, if a guy cheats on you, it is unforgivable, and rightfully so. But a true bad boy makes it so, no matter how fed up you are, you can’t totally quit him. Maybe it’s his movie star charm, or his “I don’t give a damn” attitude – either way, he’s got you hooked.




So, where’s the middle ground? If you’ve already fallen for one, there are some things you can do to slowly tame him.




My best advice? Give him a dose of his own medicine.




With men, most of them can dish it out, but very few can take it as well. Once you stand up to him, show him you’re no push over, he might reform a bit, so you’re relationship can then become healthy (and exciting) again.




So let’s say he tells you he’ll call and he doesn’t. Do the same to him. Maybe he’ll notice, maybe he won’t. It might take a few times, but eventually he will realize that your life moves quicker than him, and that he might need to make a little bit more of an effort if he wants to be with you. Let’s say he also makes plans and breaks them. Do the same. Again, this will make him realize how in demand your time really is, and that he is an idiot for ever blowing you off.




Other common bad boy traits, such as cheating or bouts of angry fits are harder to match. However, there is a more effective – and more dignified – way of trumping them. No matter what, stand your ground. Call them on it. Do this calmly and in a rational manner (even if you’re entire body is shaking with fury!) The key is, to seem calm, collected, and nonchalant. Express your disappointment and then calmly leave the situation and allow at least a week of breathing space. Whatever you do, do not give in easily.




These pointers are to reform – not completely change – his behavior. After all, part of his attraction is his unpredictable, mysterious, dangerous edge that you just can’t get from the boy-next-door. The aim is not to fully domesticate him, but to make it so you both coexist in a passionate, exciting, and healthy relationship. Women will probably never lose the lust for bad boys; it’s best to follow your attraction, just also know how to handle them.