Ask E. Jean - Tormented? Driven Witless? Whipsawed by confusion?

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My Ex Best Friend, who slept with my boyfriend (at the time), is circling my life via a mutual friend and co-worker.
I was involved in a toxic, co-dependent friendship for 13 years. I eventually got mentally healthy and dropped this friendship after learning that my ďfriendĒ was helping her self to my boyfriend.
I expelled her from my life but sheís still friends with my co-worker and friend. Co-worker friend is a doormat and going down the same road I did with Ex-Best Friend, but thatís another post...
Problem is, Ex Best Friend is using our mutual friend to circle around my life. In fact, Co-Worker Friend brought her in to our work while I was working and nearly caused me a panic attack.
How do I talk to Co-Worker friend about how it makes me feel when she brings my Ex Best Friend to my place of work, while Iím working? Do I have the right to expect my job to be a neutral zone, free of my Ex Best Friendís patronage?

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  • give elizabeth advice
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    This is a tough one. While you certainly have the right to expect that your workplace be a neutral zone, your co-worker also has the right to bring her friends to work.

    I seriously doubt that talking to your co-worker will result in anything other then her running back to your ex-BF to report every word you said, so I wouldn't bother.

    Unfortunately, your only real choice is to breathe deep and focus on managing your anxiety if she does appear and absolutely refuse to engage with her in any way.

    This will take some guts. It is extremely difficult for women, especially, to be rude. But you have every right to literally turn your back on her and walk away if she tries to approach you.

    You can also hold up your hand to protect your space and say "Don't even try," before walking away. The one thing you cannot do is reply to anything she says, because that is what she's looking for. Don't let yourself get sucked in.

    Also, keep in mind that you have done nothing wrong. She is a vicious child who does not deserve one second of your time.

    I hope that helps.

    reply to Robynne
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    I think Brynne's right that you have every right to be rude. You should not be the uncomfortable one, here. She should. The fact that she isn't too ashamed to come waltzing into your workplace like nothing happened is unsettling.

    Death stare her right out of there.

    reply to Samantha
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