Ask E. Jean - Tormented? Driven Witless? Whipsawed by confusion?

Advice Vixens

Is it unreasonable to not want events that you attend with someone to be announced on facebook that youíre going/are there? To thousands of people? Just not into it. I expressed the concern to the guy I am seeing (my boyfriend), and I was pretty much told that this is the way he does things, it works for him and his calendar, itís set in stone, and heís not even going to meet me half way, or even ľ of the way (I was willing to compromise, and just do it his way on some of the events). I told him I wanted to talk about it later, because I was on my way to work, and he text-blasted me that thereís nothing to talk about, he does things his way, and I do things my way. "I'll be me, you be you." and "My choices are fine. There's nothing to talk to you about." were a couple of his texts. He's not willing to talk to me about how we make plans. I donít know which is the bigger issue now, his immature response or my original question.

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    I think how unreasonable your request may or may not be is much less of an issue than your boyfriend refusing to even consider your point of view or agree to compromise in any way in this matter. A willingness to compromise is crucial in any relationship, not just a romantic one.

    It's not as though you are asking him to do anything particularly difficult or against his principles, so his unwillingness to bend in any way in this fairly minor matter is a red flag.

    reply to Jill
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    Listen to Jill. She is, as usual, right.

    This guy is either not mature enough or simply not willing to treat you like a partner. "You do you and I'll do me" only works if there is a plan in place for when you are working at cross-purposes.

    Also, if you give in on this, it will simply confirm his hilariously stupid belief that all of his decisions are perfect and that he never needs to re-evaluate them or allow himself to be challenged.

    This is not just a red flag, it is a huge scarlet banner waving across your entire future with him. I would either roll up my sleeves and wrestle this out until you win, or walk away from him.

    I know it might seem like an over-reaction to break up over a Facebook issue, but that's not what this is. This is about him thinking he has the right to dismiss your concerns and shut down any further discussion to get his own way and nobody should have that kind of power over you.

    reply to Robynne
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    Absolutely, totally agree with Jill and Robynne!!

    reply to E. Jean
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