Ask E. Jean - Tormented? Driven Witless? Whipsawed by confusion?

Advice Vixens

We got back together after 3 month hiatus. We are long distance. He said he missed me and he will miss me. From here I do not know how to go about it as we did not really talk about what to do. The easiest thing is to let it go except that I still have feelings for him, and he seemed to have changed. He seems to realize that he cares about me a lot more than he thought and regret the way he behaved. What shall i do?

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    There are not enough details here to be more specific, but I can take my best guesses.

    Worse case: he met someone else close by, but it didn't work out and when it ended, he went back to you because he didn't want to be lonely.

    Best case: he wasn't sure being long distance was fair to either of you but after being away from the relationship for a while decided that even long distance with you was worth it.

    Or perhaps it was something in-between these. But the important part is how you feel about the relationship. Not how you feel about him - the actual relationship between you two. Is it working for you? What about long-term? Because, believe it or not, your feelings for him are actually the least important factor in all this.

    If you were to leave this relationship, you would eventually get over him and move on. But if you stayed in a relationship you had reservations about and with a guy you were unsure of, you'd be living with a whole bunch of unpleasant feelings for the duration. And you'd start second-guessing yourself, which has a much bigger impact than how you feel about this guy.

    So I recommend making your decision based on how you feel about the relationship, not about how you feel about him.

    reply to Jill
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    ...with one additional observation.

    You mention that he regrets the way he behaved. It's easy enough for someone to *say* they have regrets -- but how is he SHOWING this? Because if he is just saying words, and not demonstrating changed behaviour, then whatever problems happened before will unquestionably happen again...

    reply to Kal
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