Ask E. Jean - Tormented? Driven Witless? Whipsawed by confusion?

Advice Vixens

Iím 33 and just started dating a man whoís 45. Previous to him, I did not date or have sex for 3 years. I just shut down. The previously relationship left me very broken hearted and he physically was rough with me (once) which was a surprise.
I gave myself time to heal. I had a massive wall up.
With this new relationship, I told the man my situation.
We had sex and I did not orgasm. We had it again twice and still I did not. Yet, I can on my own just fine. With previous boyfriends, they were very selfish, I didnít speak up so even then I only orgasmed a few times.
Now that Iím older, Iím taking control of my pleasure and making sure I do orgasm. I just never had the chance until now.
This guy is taking it extremely personally that Iím not and he even went to break up with me because ďhe makes women orgasm multiple times easily and I canítĒ.
Iím shocked. I told him my situation, I explained I need time to trust, open up. Each time I see him I get better and better. How can I drop my wall knowing heís ready to dump me over this? How insensitive.
(Yet he claims to be a supportive partner!)
Anyway, Iíve always had a tough time trying to orgasm in intercourse. It can happen, I need direct stimulation but itís didficult. Iím much more responsive to oral. He tried and I was very close but it was not working for me. I just need time to get to know him, live him etc thatís how my body will eventually respond....
-What are your thoughts?
-I really like him but after seeing this attitude (from a grown man) I almost want to break up. Itís a shame because this was really promising. I just canít believe it.
-Is there maybe something wrong with me?
-How do I figure out or practise intercourse if I have no man

Any thoughts, suggestions help. Thank you.


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    The problem is, you don't trust him enough - because he's not trustworthy. He claims he is a supportive partner, yet he wants to break up with you because your lack of orgasms threatens his ego??? (He's lying, by the way. Or the women have been faking.) And he's making sure you know the problem is just with you when in fact you don't have a problem with orgasms on your own. And very few women can orgasm from just intercourse; the vast majority need direct stimulation. Any guy who tries to tell you otherwise is not worth your time.

    So the problem isn't you - it's him.

    Frankly, you shouldn't be worried about whether or not he's going to dump you. You should dump him. Because the longer you stay with him, the worse he will make you feel about yourself, just to appease his ego. If it were me, the first time he pulled that crap I'd kick him to the curb so fast he'd bounce.

    The right guy for you will be the one who is willing to take the time to learn what works for you. Figuring out what works best for each other is part of the bonding process; no one gets it perfect right away. And yes - keep asking for what you need. But not from this guy. Wipe him off your shoes and move on.

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    Thank you from the bottom of my heart

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    We broke up. Iím actually angry. The whole time we were dating, he said he was sensitive, supportive, self-aware, spiritual...what a load of crap. He said he canít be with some and will lose sexual interest if he canít make me orgasm. I told him my situation and that I just need time, his love, and Iíll open up more, trust more and Iíll be able to eventually. I just need to bond and get to know each other more. Learn to trust again.
    Nope! I guess Iím too much trouble. I cannot believe that a jerk can exist like this. What a liar. I canít believe it. I know Iím better off alone but I canít believe he said that to me, heís a hypocrite. Talking how he mentors, helps people...douche bag needs to be there for the people he dates!!!!

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    All his talk about being such a supportive and great guy is just his attempt to put shiny wrapping paper around a turd. He doesn't sound like any of the things he claims to be - generally speaking, if a guy says he is those things, he's usually the opposite.

    If it helps, visualize him as a bit of excrescence stuck to the bottom of your shoe and scrape him off.

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