Ask E. Jean - Tormented? Driven Witless? Whipsawed by confusion?

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my neighbor, my close friend, started having an affair with my married brother in law. this is the 2nd married man she's gone after, it makes me mad, I am obsessed by it. we are no longer friends and neither are our families. affair continues. not my business. how do I get over it??

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    One of my favourite aphorisms is: if you wait by the river long enough, you will see the bodies of your enemies float by. I think of this whenever I see someone who needs to be hit by some serious karma.

    Your neighbor/ex-friend's behaviour sounds like that of someone who is so insecure she needs to prove her attractiveness by testing it with unavailable men. Or she is commitment-phobic and won't go after someone actually available. But unless she wakes up to herself and gets some help for her emotional issues, she's going to continue on her current path until life hands her a figurative smack with a clue-by-four. Or perhaps someone's wife will do this literally.

    The thing is, she's already being punished. Imagine having to live inside her skull 24/7 with those neuroses. Sad - pathetic, really. And not worth any more of your precious time.

    reply to Jill
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    You're part way to getting over it by having cut off contact. Her behaviour -- rightfully -- upsets you, so you've done the smart thing by making sure you're not around to continue seeing it.

    Even in your absence, she will almost certainly continue to make other's lives miserable ... probably because she wants to make others feel as miserable as she feels herself. (She almost certainly doesn't *consciously* want this. She only knows that there something wrong inside -- which means twisting everyone else's life around so that there's something wrong with them too will make her seem less abnormal....)

    The only way to make sure she doesn't win is to not let her take you down with her. Remember: obsessing over her doings brings you down to her disturbed level. If you catch yourself doing this, you've got to remind yourself that THAT'S WHAT SHE WANTS. And you're better than that!

    reply to Kal
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