Ask E. Jean - Tormented? Driven Witless? Whipsawed by confusion?

Advice Vixens

Hi Vixies! I had posted a few months ago about a guy who I fell very hard for... It was always now hot now cold with him.. I was the one always initiating contact. We met through the indian arranged marriage system. He said he would marry me after which he wavered... Then he got back and said he was 100% sure.. But then when it came to setting a wedding date he again wavered and said we were better off as friends.. After that I was done with him.. I decided never to look back... However a few days ago he msged me saying he wasn't trying to establish contact or seek me out but he was sorry for everything he put me through.. It was very wrong of him to back out.. But it was better that he told me then rather than later... He did not want to stand in the way of me finding the right guy... He never cared at the time we were talking.. Even after committing he was very aloof and still seeking other girls.. Somehow even after that I don't hate him or feel mad at him... I replied saying I understand and wished hi good luck. I feel like saying more but I don't know what I should say and if it is even worth my time... I just don't get this guy? Why did he get back and is his apology even genuine? I have seen he visits my matrimony profile from time to time and he once complimented my pic a few months ago.. I did not respond to him at that time..He was the one that felt I wasent good enough.. I tried way harder than I should have and that's why I don't have any regrets because I did my best and it wasent meant to be... Should I just ignore him or try and keep in touch?

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    Most folks want to think of themselves as decent. Even when they do horrific things, they justify the reasons for what they did, so that they can maintain the delusion that they are a good person.

    The fact is, people are more complicated than that. They are capable of both good and bad actions. And some folks have enough self-honesty to admit that what they did was thoughtless and hurtful.

    That's what this sounds like: that this guy knew his actions were thoughtless and hurtful and he doesn't like what that says about him. So he is most likely trying to apologize so he won't feel like a complete monster about what he did. And yours and his life did cross for awhile, so it makes sense for him to be curious about how you're doing.

    I recommend accepting his apology and moving on. I think if you keep in touch, a part of you will continue to wonder what might have been and that's not worth any more of your time.

    reply to Jill
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    Hey thanks a lot Jill! As always great advice! After I accepted his apology he said Thanks and was like hope everything is fine with you! I wanted to say so many things but I did not say a word and deleted his msg... I found someone who actually cares for me and values me and I am starting to realize not every guy is a nice guy... I don't want to do anything to jinx things with the guy I am with so I am just going to stay the hell away from this one....

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    Hey thanks a lot Jill! As always great advice! After I accepted his apology he said Thanks and was like hope everything is fine with you! I wanted to say so many things but I did not say a word and deleted his msg... I found someone who actually cares for me and values me and I am starting to realize not every guy is a nice guy... I don't want to do anything to jinx things with the guy I am with so I am just going to stay the hell away from this one....

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    Good on ya for not continuing a discussion with this guy. He has his own life to lead and you have yours. I hope it works out with the new guy!

    reply to Jill
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