Ask E. Jean - Tormented? Driven Witless? Whipsawed by confusion?

Advice Vixens

I met a great guy and we went out a few times and we hooked up a couple of times. Then I'm thinking that this is something great, so he stepped on it by telling me he's still on the rebound and feels raw from his previous relationship. He was saying that he doesn't want to feel like he's doing something wrong or something that would hurt me if he hooks up with someone else. Truth be told - it would hurt.

But even after this discussion I went home with him and stayed over. I so wanted to be there and at the same time it wasn't fun. I like sex with the promise of something more.

Right now I'm struggling not to text him. Knots in my stomach and that lump in my throat. I'm sure he would reply. He keeps saying how great I am. Like if he was in a different state we would see each other every night.

Is it possible to keep him as a friend until he comes out of this rebound state? Should I just not text him for several days then see if he wants to catch a movie or some other friendly-type-outing?

  • Cast your vote
    for Best Advice
  • give advice
    send this question to a friend


    My best advice to you is not go the "friends" route. Because it will likely be the "friends with benefits" route, with you waiting and hoping for more. And you will continue to be hurt because he doesn't want more. Because really, he doesn't. And he's not going to in the future.

    Right now, he's lonely and hurting and doesn't want to feel either of those things. And you have been performing the function of distracting him - that's all it is. And if you stick around, that will be your continued function.

    And when he is ready, another woman will be his next actual girlfriend. He has already told you that in so many words (about him not wanting to hurt you if he hooks up with other women - he already has, which is why he even brought it up). Take him at his word - he is still looking for the woman who will get him over his previous relationship and sorry to say it will not be you. What he said about being with you every night if he was in a different state? Just a case of him telling you what you wanted to hear; that line gets used A LOT by folks who want to avoid the emotional scene they predict would happen if they told the unvarnished truth. It's up there with "my wife doesn't understand me" in terms of clichés.

    There was a connection, but not THAT connection. So I recommend filing this under "pleasant interlude", bidding the guy a good day and moving on. Do not text, call or otherwise contact him. Just let him go, binge watch a few of your favourite shows, hang out with your friends, read some good books, eat your favourite ice cream, etc. until the need and hurt passes. And if he does contact you, tell him no thanks. Unless you want another helping of hurt.

    reply to Jill
    send this answer to a friend



    Anon, it is time to let this one go and withdraw to lick your wounds and to mourn the hopes you had for this guy.
    He is just not right for you. Not now, not ever.
    Move on with your life, I can guarantee a better fit for you will appear.
    Say a nice goodbye and then block him.
    Good luck!

    reply to Gerbera
    send this answer to a friend


    Give advice or add a comment: