Ask E. Jean - Tormented? Driven Witless? Whipsawed by confusion?

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My dear husband has not one but 2 stalkers. One is an alcoholic seventy year old from our church who regularly drives by our house while I am out gardening or getting the mail. We live on a cul de sac and she knows this as she used to come here when DH was married to his first wife.

She has scalded me with hot coffee, sent me hateful emails, followed us around, called our house at all hours of the night. DH will do nothing. Says she is harmless. I beg to differ.

The second is his 63 year old ex girlfriend before me. She used to send him erotic emails offering him sex and threatening me. She is blocked on both of our Facebook pages. He has not dated her in 9 years but she won't leave us alone. Tonight I noticed some weird comments on my wall. Turns out you can create a webpage on Facebook in order to stalk people who have blocked you.

I am warn out. I am having surgery on Thursday that will require months of recovery. What the hell has happened to women of a certain age. I didn't do anything to these women other than be with DH. He will do nothing. I don't know what to do. Any ideas?

I know a huge part of my problem is that he won't deal with it. He says it's just not worth the stress but he isn't the one being scalded and being called nasty names. Plus I think he likes the attention. Thanks.

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    He is definitely getting off on the attention and the drama. This makes him a shit husband and potentially a shit person. Anyone who is complicit when you get attacked or harassed is telling you that it's ok for you to be hurt so long as it's over them.

    I'd file for divorce so fast it'd make his Metamucil shoot out of both nostrils.

    reply to Luciferia
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    I'm all for shutting down unwanted people by ignoring them -- but when it get to THIS level, a clear, unequivocal message needs to be sent.

    DH needs to say (or write) to each of these women, in no uncertain terms, "I'm sorry, but I do not wish to see you anymore, or have any future contact with you. Please do not initiate any further F/B messages, drive-by waves, e-mails, phone messages, texts, letters, telegrams, smoke signals, or any other form of communication intended for me, or my wife. I wish you well in the future, but unfortunately, I may be forced to view any further attempts at communication on your part as harassment."

    If he can't or won't do that? Then, yes, the (mild) stress he would feel in sending that message is apparently much more meaningful to him than the unbelievable crap (and stress) he's forcing you to put up with.

    Sadly, I've got no advice on how to make him send out this message. All you can do is lay out the situation for him as you see it. Either he gets it, or he doesn't.

    (But if he doesn't, then you do need to reconsider how sympatico the two of you really are...)

    reply to Kal
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