Ask E. Jean - Tormented? Driven Witless? Whipsawed by confusion?

Advice Vixens

Hi everyone,

So I went alone to an alumni event back in October. While I was standing there, waiting for things to get going, this very nice looking guy came over to chat. Then he got pulled away by someone - and then he came back to chat. Shortly after this, I found out he was the dean of the business school so I got shy. And there was this Heather Locklear type following him around, so not great for trying to talk to him longer. A few days later I pinged him on linked in saying it was great to meet him. He replied something short saying likewise. And that was it.

Recently I was at a conference near the school and alumni can borrow office space there on short notice. So I went at lunchtime, looking pretty tired and glasses and jeans - not the look for this quite preppy business school. I was not expecting to see the dean, but obviously I saw him, said hi and was super shy. But the chemistry was electric - like in those 10 seconds. I hope it wasn't just me.

And then I was toying with going back to the school and hopefully run into him again when I am less tired and busy - and better dressed. I just found out his term is over on June 1.

I think he was single because he told me (in October) that he took his 6 year old daughter to a gala event, but really I don't know anything about him. Can I send him something on linked in and ask him if he wants to get a coffee? Should I just do nothing?

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  • give Em advice
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    Does this school's website have faculty info pages? Sometimes those blurbs list family information, as in "When not teaching advanced underwater basket weaving, Geoffrey likes painting dog portraits and hiking with his wife and three children". If you don't see evidence of a wife, then feel free to contact him. You won't be so shy and tongue-tied when using email, so that's a good choice.

    reply to Jill
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    I did try looking him up and really couldn't find much except for the nationalities of his parents. I don't know anyone at the school well enough to ask either. I'm glad to hear emailing him is not a terrible idea. I will try it! Thanks!

    reply to Em
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    I did a quick survey of the posted faculty profiles at the Toronto university where I work -- of the thirty (happily) married profs I work with daily (including deans), exactly zero posted anything that could make you guess their marital status. The focus is strictly on their research and teaching achievements.

    If you haven't already done so, I'd try Facebook first, rather than e-mail -- he may post photos there publicly. If there's one there with his wife, that answers your question. Or there may be some other post(s) that make things clearer. And from there, you can IM him ...

    Good luck!

    reply to Kal
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    His Facebook page showed no evidence of a significant other. Thanks for the reinforcement! I finally sent him a note on LinkedIn earlier today. It took me that long to work up the courage! We'll see what happens.

    reply to Em
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