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Advice Vixens

Dear Vixpeople.
I went out with a new guy on Friday. We had a nice time. Chatting, even joking / teasing each other a bit. We were making out in his car at the end of the night. He said "so when are we going out again? " I said Monday. I think he said okay. And I didn't invite home or anything.
Saturday afternoon I texted him and we chatted until he said he had plans with his mother. And he said "chat later?". He did not text back and now it is sunday evening.
Do I text him or just wait? I like this one, but I'm not desperate.

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    Don't text him and don't wait.

    Go on about your life and keep dating.

    If he's interested, he'll contact you.

    I know some people will see this as anti-feminist advice, but it's really not.

    Guys in this country (I assume you're American, if you're not just ignore me) are programmed to believe that they are responsible for the chase and that women who initiate contact aren't strong and independent, they are clingy. Or they are "easy". It's stupid, but there it is.

    When a guy asks "so when are we going out again?" the best answer is. "I dunno. Call me and we'll see."

    That's not game playing. It's giving him a chance to step up and be a grown-ass adult man and take some initiative as far as what happens next.

    Also, stop texting. Attraction and connection are dependent on the senses. Sight is a sense, yes, but if you're not in the same room then words on a screen are not a substitute. So, hearing is the next important one. You need to hear each other's voices to know if there's a connection. Or to build on it if there is.

    Text your family and friends all you want -- y'all are already bonded. With a new guy especially, tell him "I don't date via text." It will save you a lot of confusion and heartache, believe me.

    Whatever you decide, I hope this works out the way you want it to. I also hope you'll come back and give us updates.


    reply to Robynne
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    Robynne wrote: Don't text him and don't wait. Go on about your life and keep dating. If he's interested, he'll contact you. I know some people will see this as anti-feminist advice, but it's really not. Guys in this country (I assume you're American, if you're not just ignore me) are programmed to believe that they are responsible for the chase and that women who initiate contact aren't strong and independent, they are clingy. Or they are "easy". It's stupid, but there it is. When a guy asks "so when are we going out again?" the best answer is. "I dunno. Call me and we'll see." That's not game playing. It's giving him a chance to step up and be a grown-ass adult man and take some initiative as far as what happens next. Also, stop texting. Attraction and connection are dependent on the senses. Sight is a sense, yes, but if you're not in the same room then words on a screen are not a substitute. So, hearing is the next important one. You need to hear each other's voices to know if there's a connection. Or to build on it if there is. Text your family and friends all you want -- y'all are already bonded. With a new guy especially, tell him "I don't date via text." It will save you a lot of confusion and heartache, believe me. Whatever you decide, I hope this works out the way you want it to. I also hope you'll come back and give us updates.

    Thank-you Robynne. Yes - we are American. You were right. He did not text. I didn't either. I was sort of very excited about the guy and I guess it showed.

    reply to anonymous
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    In this day and age, when it's so easy to contact someone, there's no reason for him not to get in touch with you. Heck - even if he was in a hospital bed he could very likely still get in touch with you nowadays. So if he's not even texting after a few days, assume that he will not be contacting you.

    And it's not a bad thing to show an available person that you are interested. That's the cue for a guy who is also interested to move forward. But this guy may have liked you but not enough to consider you as a girlfriend. Or maybe his ex has been telling him that she'd like them to get back together. Or maybe she isn't but he has discovered that he's not yet over her. Or maybe he has gotten caught up in a bunch of stuff and has put plans with you on the back burner for now. But if that were the case, he should at least give you a brief contact.

    So, as Robynne so wisely recommended, get back on with your life and chalk this up to life lessons.

    reply to Jill
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    I agree with the ladies above: just move on with your life.

    I too have put too many hopes and expectations, always hoping to catch the big fish. But I have found out it works like a job interview: get too excited and they can sense it and back away from intensity. It will also give you clarity in objectively assessing the guy in front of you.

    Keep your mind and life busy. Like the story with the ladybugs: chase them all day and none will show up. Fall asleep and wake up with tons of them on you.

    reply to Gerbera
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