Ask E. Jean - Tormented? Driven Witless? Whipsawed by confusion?

Advice Vixens

I quit my longtime job. For the most part, it was time to move on, but one factor was a coworker named A. A has yelled at me, called me names, and purposely kept me out of the loop Ė but only occasionally, so I never said anything to HR.

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    Perhaps you look kind of like a girl who used to bully her so she was pre-disposed to not like you and lashed out inappropriately. Or she was a bully. A lot of bullies are insecure and go on the offensive to over-compensate for that insecurity. But regardless of the reason, you'll probably never know why she was so unpleasant to you. Also, keep in mind that insecurity is everywhere; if you and your team were doing really well, some people who weren't so successful may have been more apt to dislike you rather than learn why you were doing well.

    Regarding the letter. Specify the times and situations where your co-worker acted inappropriately. Keep it factual, not emotional. Your employers are more interested in someone's behavior actually affecting their bottom line, not in the emotional well-being of their employees. So concentrate on where her behavior affected the company profits. Or where they could be construed as harassment and perhaps worth a current or future lawsuit. Maybe they'll keep a closer eye on her, put her on probation, fire her - or do nothing. But at least you'll have spoken on behalf of yourself and her former team.

    I can understand why all this has been frustrating. I'm guessing this whole situation offends your sense of karmic justice. But stuff like this happens all the time. You just do what you can and when you can't take anymore, you leave. Just like you've done in this situation. The bonus is, you don't have to deal with her anymore. Eventually, the relief at this will overcome your anger.

    Also, maybe I'm remembering it wrong but I thought your post included a question about a gathering with your ex co-workers and whether or not she should be invited. Why invite the reason you left your job to your gathering? It's a good bet the reason you left was not a complete mystery to your co-workers, no matter how nice she tried to act around them. They'd be puzzled if you DID ask her.

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