Ask E. Jean - Tormented? Driven Witless? Whipsawed by confusion?
Advice Vixens
Clearly I need to learn how to lie (yes dad, they are garbage!) and how to not fall into these traps better (yep mom, discovered a bunch of stuff, can't wait to wear it all!)
*bitter sigh*
*bitter sigh*
reply to anonymous
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First, take a deep breath.
Second--stop overanalyzing this. Is it annoying? Yes. But I think you're tying it into every single thing your mother has ever done to annoy you/control you. You're looking at this as a representation of your entire relationship.
Don't do that. Sure, it might be another example of it--but you will both get through what could be just a little tiff if you viewed it as a singular incident.
Now, if upon reconsidering, you (yourself) have come to the decision that hey--it would be nice to give these girls your clothes, then tell your mother that you have decided she can have them. Don't view it as a defeat. It's not.
And if upon reconsidering, you decide that what you wanted to do with them is more important, just tell your mom that sorry, the clothes are already spoken for.
This is not the end of the world. However annoying, your mom is just trying to help a family out. With your shit? Yeah. Again, annoying--but she's not a horrible person (based on this one incident). Take a deep breath. View this singularly.
Second--stop overanalyzing this. Is it annoying? Yes. But I think you're tying it into every single thing your mother has ever done to annoy you/control you. You're looking at this as a representation of your entire relationship.
Don't do that. Sure, it might be another example of it--but you will both get through what could be just a little tiff if you viewed it as a singular incident.
Now, if upon reconsidering, you (yourself) have come to the decision that hey--it would be nice to give these girls your clothes, then tell your mother that you have decided she can have them. Don't view it as a defeat. It's not.
And if upon reconsidering, you decide that what you wanted to do with them is more important, just tell your mom that sorry, the clothes are already spoken for.
This is not the end of the world. However annoying, your mom is just trying to help a family out. With your shit? Yeah. Again, annoying--but she's not a horrible person (based on this one incident). Take a deep breath. View this singularly.
reply to Samantha
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I agree with Samantha- don't turn this into something that's bigger than it is. Some things are worth freaking out about, but I'm not sure this is one of them.
Go through the stuff again, specifically looking for things to give to these girls. It's YOUR choice. Don't give them the things you don't think they'll like, but put some things aside. You said you wanted to give some of it away anyway- here's your chance.
The rest of it goes where you originally intended it to go. This is all still within your control.
Go through the stuff again, specifically looking for things to give to these girls. It's YOUR choice. Don't give them the things you don't think they'll like, but put some things aside. You said you wanted to give some of it away anyway- here's your chance.
The rest of it goes where you originally intended it to go. This is all still within your control.
reply to LK
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This is your mother's way. If you think about it, she is doing the same thing to the friend and her family, making decisions for them. It would be okay if she suggested that these people need help and left it up to you but to just take the clothes is inappropriate.
As for me, I would sooner walk into a lion's den then pick out clothes for teenagers cold. Even though my daughter often asks my advice. So you have probably saved them some anguish.
In the meantime, I would look upon this as an opportunity to reject, out of hand, anything she gives you that you immediately do not like and give it right back to her. Even if you have plans for these clothes, it will give you more control with her.
And if she doesn't like it, maybe she will stop buying you so much stuff.
As for me, I would sooner walk into a lion's den then pick out clothes for teenagers cold. Even though my daughter often asks my advice. So you have probably saved them some anguish.
In the meantime, I would look upon this as an opportunity to reject, out of hand, anything she gives you that you immediately do not like and give it right back to her. Even if you have plans for these clothes, it will give you more control with her.
And if she doesn't like it, maybe she will stop buying you so much stuff.
reply to Josephine
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Seems to me this type of thing is an ongoing situation with your parents who treat you as if you are not an adult.
They do it and you may have a history of letting them.
As long as you live near them or in the same city, this will continue to occur.
I don't mean to sound harsh just being a bit blunt because something has to change.
They do it and you may have a history of letting them.
As long as you live near them or in the same city, this will continue to occur.
I don't mean to sound harsh just being a bit blunt because something has to change.
reply to Gerri
send this answer to a friendI'm annoyed because this is how it always goes - I make an innocent remark about something I plan to do, and immediately I get input and arguments about why that decision is wrong and why I should do it her way instead and my decision making isn't good enough, and then I have to defend it against someone who won't even listen to my reasoning and logic but just starts telling me to do it this way or that and I regret even having said anything.
It ends up being everything I say is something to trap me, make me question my decision (because she's the mom and she knows best, even when she's totally and completely not even ballpark right) and it just serves to make me angry.
I can't even tell you how many times she's said "I'll bet you it's because X" when she hasn't even got the facts or it hasn't even happened. When I worked on the campaign earlier this year she kept saying "I'll bet they won't take taxes out." Mind, it was a good two weeks BEFORE I got paid. Her comments weren't based on logic, just her decision as to how shit was going to go down, nevermind the fact that a campaign is the ultimate in having to follow the law!!
It's like dealing with a conspiracy theorist, minus the aliens.
It ends up being everything I say is something to trap me, make me question my decision (because she's the mom and she knows best, even when she's totally and completely not even ballpark right) and it just serves to make me angry.
I can't even tell you how many times she's said "I'll bet you it's because X" when she hasn't even got the facts or it hasn't even happened. When I worked on the campaign earlier this year she kept saying "I'll bet they won't take taxes out." Mind, it was a good two weeks BEFORE I got paid. Her comments weren't based on logic, just her decision as to how shit was going to go down, nevermind the fact that a campaign is the ultimate in having to follow the law!!
It's like dealing with a conspiracy theorist, minus the aliens.
reply to anonymous
send this answer to a friendJosephine wrote: This is your mother's way. If you think about it, she is doing the same thing to the friend and her family, making decisions for them. It would be okay if she suggested that these people need help and left it up to you but to just take the clothes is inappropriate.
As for me, I would sooner walk into a lion's den then pick out clothes for teenagers cold. Even though my daughter often asks my advice. So you have probably saved them some anguish.
In the meantime, I would look upon this as an opportunity to reject, out of hand, anything she gives you that you immediately do not like and give it right back to her. Even if you have plans for these clothes, it will give you more control with her.
And if she doesn't like it, maybe she will stop buying you so much stuff.
reply to anonymous
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Yes, she aboslutely is. I didn't even think of it that way, that she's making decisions for them. Mind, the oldest daughter has a job and works hard to afford things for herself. I understand I'm doing the same by saying they wouldn't like these clothes, but I've been a teenager recently and I'm fairly certain these aren't the things a teenager would like for the most part, as they are mostly my work clothes. Who needs that at 15??
She is not buying me anything more. I asked her not to and my father asked her not to and she's finally stopped. We'll see how long that lasts.
If I did give them anything, I would contact them on facebook and set up a time to meet up and give them the items. I would not include my parents in this at all.
She is not buying me anything more. I asked her not to and my father asked her not to and she's finally stopped. We'll see how long that lasts.
If I did give them anything, I would contact them on facebook and set up a time to meet up and give them the items. I would not include my parents in this at all.
reply to anonymous
send this answer to a friendGerri wrote: Seems to me this type of thing is an ongoing situation with your parents who treat you as if you are not an adult.
They do it and you may have a history of letting them.
As long as you live near them or in the same city, this will continue to occur.
I don't mean to sound harsh just being a bit blunt because something has to change.
reply to anonymous
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No, you nailed it on the head. And besides, I can take blunt. If I can't, I have no business spooning out blunt myself.
I'm absolutely aware that I let them treat me as not an adult, because of exactly this kind of situation. I made a decision, I got talked into a different solution, then I realize it's not the right solution, but I get miles of guilt and confusion for sticking to my guns and I get to question if I made the right choice and then I come on here asking people to validate that I made the right choice in the first place because all sense of self-validation and pride in my original decision has gone out the window.
I have to disagree with you about geographic location though. I moved to college 200 miles away, and same thing happened. I moved 3000 miles and same thing happened again. I could move to Japan tomorrow and it would still stay.
I'm very aware the cycle needs to break. What frustrates me the most is I literally can't say anything without it becoming some way for them to fix it, take over, change my decisions etc. because even my innocent comments become fodder for being infantilized. It sucks.
I've all but cut off my mom at this point, having spoken to her four times in a month (to the point my dad was begging me to call her). I just have nothing really to say.
I'm absolutely aware that I let them treat me as not an adult, because of exactly this kind of situation. I made a decision, I got talked into a different solution, then I realize it's not the right solution, but I get miles of guilt and confusion for sticking to my guns and I get to question if I made the right choice and then I come on here asking people to validate that I made the right choice in the first place because all sense of self-validation and pride in my original decision has gone out the window.
I have to disagree with you about geographic location though. I moved to college 200 miles away, and same thing happened. I moved 3000 miles and same thing happened again. I could move to Japan tomorrow and it would still stay.
I'm very aware the cycle needs to break. What frustrates me the most is I literally can't say anything without it becoming some way for them to fix it, take over, change my decisions etc. because even my innocent comments become fodder for being infantilized. It sucks.
I've all but cut off my mom at this point, having spoken to her four times in a month (to the point my dad was begging me to call her). I just have nothing really to say.
reply to anonymous
send this answer to a friendanonymous wrote: Yes, she aboslutely is. I didn't even think of it that way, that she's making decisions for them. Mind, the oldest daughter has a job and works hard to afford things for herself. I understand I'm doing the same by saying they wouldn't like these clothes, but I've been a teenager recently and I'm fairly certain these aren't the things a teenager would like for the most part, as they are mostly my work clothes. Who needs that at 15??
She is not buying me anything more. I asked her not to and my father asked her not to and she's finally stopped. We'll see how long that lasts.
If I did give them anything, I would contact them on facebook and set up a time to meet up and give them the items. I would not include my parents in this at all.
reply to LK
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That's what you should do- your last paragraph. Invite them over and let them go through the bags. Don't even make it about their financial situation. Just tell them you have things you are getting rid of that you thought might fit them, they don't have to take anything if it's not their style, etc.
reply to LK
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Re:
-Greed: Give them some of the clothes. But can you bring them yourself and cut your mom out of the process?
-Disrespect: After doing said above, call your mother, tell her what you do is no longer a problem for her as you are mature enough to figure it out yourself and that if she doesn't cut it out that you will cut her out (don't do that though, they helped you a lot after you got hurt).
-Your dad: Tell him he needs to let you do stuff on your own and stop being such a tattletale. They raised you and should trust your decisions and feelings. That is, if they trust their own judgement, which it seems they do.
Sorry you feel this way hun
-Greed: Give them some of the clothes. But can you bring them yourself and cut your mom out of the process?
-Disrespect: After doing said above, call your mother, tell her what you do is no longer a problem for her as you are mature enough to figure it out yourself and that if she doesn't cut it out that you will cut her out (don't do that though, they helped you a lot after you got hurt).
-Your dad: Tell him he needs to let you do stuff on your own and stop being such a tattletale. They raised you and should trust your decisions and feelings. That is, if they trust their own judgement, which it seems they do.
Sorry you feel this way hun
reply to Bella
send this answer to a friendBella wrote: Re:
-Greed: Give them some of the clothes. But can you bring them yourself and cut your mom out of the process?
-Disrespect: After doing said above, call your mother, tell her what you do is no longer a problem for her as you are mature enough to figure it out yourself and that if she doesn't cut it out that you will cut her out (don't do that though, they helped you a lot after you got hurt).
-Your dad: Tell him he needs to let you do stuff on your own and stop being such a tattletale. They raised you and should trust your decisions and feelings. That is, if they trust their own judgement, which it seems they do.
Sorry you feel this way hun
reply to anonymous
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- I may be able to bring them myself. They're in another state, but I can always take a bus. I would do that.
-No. I am not dealing with someone who is capable of being logical and having a discussion. Anytime in the past she's done something that bothers me and I tell her, she'll listen for a bit and then ask if I'm done lecturing or she'll mention something totally innocuous ("oh look, the leaves are changing!").
-He does need to stop being a tattletale. In business, he's a steel trap. With me, he'll be a steel trap if I tell him to keep his mouth shut. I have to blame myself somewhat though, because I've asked him to keep something quiet and then stupidly overshared with mom myself. Argh. Again though, when I try to explain WHY something bothers/bothered me, he just cuts me off and says "I heard you! I won't do it again." I'm not able to explain "when you do x, it bothers me because of y."
-No. I am not dealing with someone who is capable of being logical and having a discussion. Anytime in the past she's done something that bothers me and I tell her, she'll listen for a bit and then ask if I'm done lecturing or she'll mention something totally innocuous ("oh look, the leaves are changing!").
-He does need to stop being a tattletale. In business, he's a steel trap. With me, he'll be a steel trap if I tell him to keep his mouth shut. I have to blame myself somewhat though, because I've asked him to keep something quiet and then stupidly overshared with mom myself. Argh. Again though, when I try to explain WHY something bothers/bothered me, he just cuts me off and says "I heard you! I won't do it again." I'm not able to explain "when you do x, it bothers me because of y."
reply to anonymous
send this answer to a friendI guess the question I need to ask is how do I cut this cycle? Do I just cut them out more or less and keep them at arm's length? I'm stupid enough to forget over and over that I'm not dealing with people who respect me as a capable adult, and people who can't just listen for the sake of listening without trying to fix, do, argue, revise, etc.
I try to write as much of my thoughts as possible, here, in my journal, vent to friends, etc, so I don't need to share with them, but I feel like I make innocent conversational comments and bam! It's turned against me.
Funny, the song in my head right now is Ani Difranco's Out of Range, which I haven't heard or thought of in years.
"Out Of Range"
just the thought
of our bed
makes me crumble like the plaster
where you punched the wall beside my bed
and I try
to draw the line
but it ends up running down the middle of me
most of the time
boys get locked up in some prison
girls get locked up in some house
and it don't matter if it's a warden
or a lover
or a spouse
you just can't talk to 'em
you just can't reason
you just can't leave
and you just can't please 'em
I was locked
into being my mother's daughter
I was just eating bread and water
thinking
nothing ever changes
and I was shocked
to see the mistakes of each generation
will just fade like a radio station
if you drive out of range
If you're not angry
you're just stupid
or you don't care
how else can you react
when you know
something's so unfair
the men of the hour
can kill half the world in war
make them slaves to a super power
and let them die poor
I was locked
into being my mother's daughter
I was just eating bread and water
thinking
nothing ever changes
and I was shocked
to see the mistakes of each generation
will just fade like a radio station
if you drive out of range
just the thought
of our bed
makes me crumble like the plaster
where you punched the wall beside my bed
and I try
to draw the line
but it ends up running down the middle of me
most of the time
baby I love you
that's why I'm leaving
there's no talking to you
and there's no pleasing you
and I care enough
that I'm mad
that half the world don't even know
what they could have had
I was locked
into being my mother's daughter
I was just eating bread and water
thinking
nothing ever changes
and I was shocked
to see the mistakes of each generation
will just fade like a radio station
if you drive out of range
I try to write as much of my thoughts as possible, here, in my journal, vent to friends, etc, so I don't need to share with them, but I feel like I make innocent conversational comments and bam! It's turned against me.
Funny, the song in my head right now is Ani Difranco's Out of Range, which I haven't heard or thought of in years.
"Out Of Range"
just the thought
of our bed
makes me crumble like the plaster
where you punched the wall beside my bed
and I try
to draw the line
but it ends up running down the middle of me
most of the time
boys get locked up in some prison
girls get locked up in some house
and it don't matter if it's a warden
or a lover
or a spouse
you just can't talk to 'em
you just can't reason
you just can't leave
and you just can't please 'em
I was locked
into being my mother's daughter
I was just eating bread and water
thinking
nothing ever changes
and I was shocked
to see the mistakes of each generation
will just fade like a radio station
if you drive out of range
If you're not angry
you're just stupid
or you don't care
how else can you react
when you know
something's so unfair
the men of the hour
can kill half the world in war
make them slaves to a super power
and let them die poor
I was locked
into being my mother's daughter
I was just eating bread and water
thinking
nothing ever changes
and I was shocked
to see the mistakes of each generation
will just fade like a radio station
if you drive out of range
just the thought
of our bed
makes me crumble like the plaster
where you punched the wall beside my bed
and I try
to draw the line
but it ends up running down the middle of me
most of the time
baby I love you
that's why I'm leaving
there's no talking to you
and there's no pleasing you
and I care enough
that I'm mad
that half the world don't even know
what they could have had
I was locked
into being my mother's daughter
I was just eating bread and water
thinking
nothing ever changes
and I was shocked
to see the mistakes of each generation
will just fade like a radio station
if you drive out of range
reply to anonymous
send this answer to a friendYou can't make your parents stop--but YOU have to stop caring what they think. Because none of this would matter if you didn't care if they thought you were an adult or not--if knew you were one, even when they treated you differently.
You know the old cliche'd parent line--if you want to be treated like an adult, then act like one? I don't think that necessarily always refers to making smart decisions. It has a lot more to do with attitude.
And if I can be blunt--I can hear it in this post, D. I can hear it in any post about your parents--the petulant teenager comes out. In any other thread, you come across like the grown up woman that you are. But you could be 17 when it comes to your parents. And I would bet, when you're in their presence, it's even more prevelant.
And I'm not faulting you for it--we all are connected to that teenage place, and it comes out when we least want it to frequently, for all of us.
You've just got to start over with them. Start over as adults. If some adult acquaintance of yours started telling you what to do, or taking your stuff, or any of the stuff that so irks you, wouldn't you just cock an eyebrow and say, "Excuse me, but I don't think that's any of your business,"? You wouldn't stomp your foot.
You've got to just let go of your past history with them, and start over. Or else your history will keep you in the past--in the teenager place. They'll still treat you like one, you'll still feel like one.
And if I totally was off the mark about the teenager thing--I really apologize.
You know the old cliche'd parent line--if you want to be treated like an adult, then act like one? I don't think that necessarily always refers to making smart decisions. It has a lot more to do with attitude.
And if I can be blunt--I can hear it in this post, D. I can hear it in any post about your parents--the petulant teenager comes out. In any other thread, you come across like the grown up woman that you are. But you could be 17 when it comes to your parents. And I would bet, when you're in their presence, it's even more prevelant.
And I'm not faulting you for it--we all are connected to that teenage place, and it comes out when we least want it to frequently, for all of us.
You've just got to start over with them. Start over as adults. If some adult acquaintance of yours started telling you what to do, or taking your stuff, or any of the stuff that so irks you, wouldn't you just cock an eyebrow and say, "Excuse me, but I don't think that's any of your business,"? You wouldn't stomp your foot.
You've got to just let go of your past history with them, and start over. Or else your history will keep you in the past--in the teenager place. They'll still treat you like one, you'll still feel like one.
And if I totally was off the mark about the teenager thing--I really apologize.
reply to Samantha
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Ugh, how annoying. I can understand why you'd feel this way - D is a grown woman and can do whatever the hell she wants with her clothes!
Why not try for a compromise? Take out some of the things that you think would look good on the younger girls and put those in bags that you deliver YOURSELF.
Why not try for a compromise? Take out some of the things that you think would look good on the younger girls and put those in bags that you deliver YOURSELF.
reply to M
send this answer to a friendD, I don't know how far you are removed from the parents in distance but I had the idea they are close enough to just pop over.
That can be so annoying.
That can be so annoying.
reply to Gerri
send this answer to a friendSamantha wrote: You can't make your parents stop--but YOU have to stop caring what they think. Because none of this would matter if you didn't care if they thought you were an adult or not--if knew you were one, even when they treated you differently.
You know the old cliche'd parent line--if you want to be treated like an adult, then act like one? I don't think that necessarily always refers to making smart decisions. It has a lot more to do with attitude.
And if I can be blunt--I can hear it in this post, D. I can hear it in any post about your parents--the petulant teenager comes out. In any other thread, you come across like the grown up woman that you are. But you could be 17 when it comes to your parents. And I would bet, when you're in their presence, it's even more prevelant.
And I'm not faulting you for it--we all are connected to that teenage place, and it comes out when we least want it to frequently, for all of us.
You've just got to start over with them. Start over as adults. If some adult acquaintance of yours started telling you what to do, or taking your stuff, or any of the stuff that so irks you, wouldn't you just cock an eyebrow and say, "Excuse me, but I don't think that's any of your business,"? You wouldn't stomp your foot.
You've got to just let go of your past history with them, and start over. Or else your history will keep you in the past--in the teenager place. They'll still treat you like one, you'll still feel like one.
And if I totally was off the mark about the teenager thing--I really apologize.
reply to anonymous
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I do need to put my rudder to the water and change the course. I do need to stop caring what they think. I do need to stop being naive to how they are and expecting things to be different.
You make an EXCELLENT point about how I'd react if an adult acquaintance did or said the same things they do. I'm quite able to cut off someone who is overstepping their bounds with me and tell them to back it right up. And no, I wouldn't stomp my feet about it.
Samantha, I appreciate blunt, so please don't apologize for what you said. You're not wrong, I do become a petulant teenager when discussing them, and I know it and I see it and it annoys and frustrates me too. I'm struggling with how to change things to become an adult in my mind around them. At this point, I'm just sort of cutting them off and if I can't do it myself or have friends help me do whatever it is, then I just don't need to do it. I'm not sure that's the ideal way to handle things, but it's the only thing that seems to work at this point.
You make an EXCELLENT point about how I'd react if an adult acquaintance did or said the same things they do. I'm quite able to cut off someone who is overstepping their bounds with me and tell them to back it right up. And no, I wouldn't stomp my feet about it.
Samantha, I appreciate blunt, so please don't apologize for what you said. You're not wrong, I do become a petulant teenager when discussing them, and I know it and I see it and it annoys and frustrates me too. I'm struggling with how to change things to become an adult in my mind around them. At this point, I'm just sort of cutting them off and if I can't do it myself or have friends help me do whatever it is, then I just don't need to do it. I'm not sure that's the ideal way to handle things, but it's the only thing that seems to work at this point.
reply to anonymous
send this answer to a friendM wrote: Ugh, how annoying. I can understand why you'd feel this way - D is a grown woman and can do whatever the hell she wants with her clothes!
Why not try for a compromise? Take out some of the things that you think would look good on the younger girls and put those in bags that you deliver YOURSELF.
reply to anonymous
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Ha exactly! It's more than just the clothes, it's my life. I get frustrated when I'm not respected, whether it's my parents or anyone else. That it's my parents that do that though is the worst. Sigh.
And I think you all have a great idea about that - I'm going to contact them and give it to them independently of my parents.
And I think you all have a great idea about that - I'm going to contact them and give it to them independently of my parents.
reply to anonymous
send this answer to a friendGerri wrote: D, I don't know how far you are removed from the parents in distance but I had the idea they are close enough to just pop over.
That can be so annoying.
reply to anonymous
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They are and it is. Why do you think I got a weekend job? Can't just pop over if I'm busy, right? ;-)
reply to anonymous
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Here is my advice:
You're 32. Stop listening to your parents!!!
You're a grown up, and until you stand up to your parents, they will continue to treat you like a child. Take back the power.
You're 32. Stop listening to your parents!!!
You're a grown up, and until you stand up to your parents, they will continue to treat you like a child. Take back the power.
reply to Carly
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Carly wrote: Here is my advice:
You're 32. Stop listening to your parents!!!
You're a grown up, and until you stand up to your parents, they will continue to treat you like a child. Take back the power.
reply to Maggie
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Exactly.
It wasn't easy for me to stop listening to my parents ... it took a teeny bit of arguing (which made me feel 17) ... but it mostly took me learning to shut my mouth. They can have their opinions ... but they don't need to be yours.
It wasn't easy for me to stop listening to my parents ... it took a teeny bit of arguing (which made me feel 17) ... but it mostly took me learning to shut my mouth. They can have their opinions ... but they don't need to be yours.
reply to Maggie
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It is easy for parents to make their kids feel guilty- it all stems back to our youth. It is normal. You were totally justified to be able to choose what you do with the clothes. Maybe you want to sell some of them, donate some of them...whatever. It is up to you. If you really can't get over the guilt, then put a few things aside for these teenagers in need. You certainly do not need to donate 2 or 3 garbage bags to them. They would appreciate a nice sweater, or a couple nice shirts. It is your stuff to do what you'd like with. If it makes you feel better, save the needy teens a few pieces. Only do it if it makes you feel better.
reply to kim
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My advice is to let it go.
Your decision to hang on to this and obsess and think about all the different "what does it mean"'s is just an excuse to remain stagnant in your life and your relationship with your Parents.
Let them do whatever they want with the clothes. They are out of your apartment. I'll bet you hardly miss them. Now you have room for better things to come into your life in mind and spirit.
Your decision to hang on to this and obsess and think about all the different "what does it mean"'s is just an excuse to remain stagnant in your life and your relationship with your Parents.
Let them do whatever they want with the clothes. They are out of your apartment. I'll bet you hardly miss them. Now you have room for better things to come into your life in mind and spirit.
reply to Blondie
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A few weeks ago, my friends came over and helped me edit my wardrobe. Two and a half HUGE garbage bags of clothes were removed from my wardrobe (and that was only one part of one closet). Hallelujah, right? Not so fast.
My dad came over and noticed the big bags and asked if they were garbage. I told him what they were and he said "well, your mother wants to give those clothes to the teenage daughters of some family friends who are financially in a bad spot right now." Before I knew what was happening, those bags were in his car on the way home and I felt like a chump. First of all, the editing had only happened the day before and I still had a piece or two I needed to reconsider (yes, out of all that, only a piece or two). Second, I had made a decision as to how I wanted to deal with them and I felt like my decision was walked right over. I spoke to dad and he saw what I was saying and agreed to bring them back to me.
Fast forward to last week when I speak to my mom (we haven't really spoken much in the last month or two) and stupid me, after she says something about my move and did I rediscover a lot of forgotten stuff, I mention yeah I did and a lot of it I'm putting to the side to go through with friends so I can edit my wardrobe. Yes, quite a stupid comment cuz I opened myself right up for her next comment - that "we have somewhere for those clothes to go" to which I said no, I'd already decided what I'm doing with those clothes. A little back and forth went on ("mom, I already made a decision as to what I'm doing with them." "No D, we need them.") until I just hung up on her. I do that a lot.
I felt
1. disrespected. I made my decision as to what I want to do with those clothes (sell them and give them away, or throw them out, depending on condition etc), and here they come and say 'your decision doesn't matter and we won't respect your decision whatever it may be, we gave you those clothes, we're taking them back now.' If I give someone a gift, I can't tell them what to do with that gift once its in their hands! (I feel like a curator.)
2. Like a greedy selfish bitch. Do these girls need things? Yes. Has this family always been good to me/us (and vice versa - we've been very good to them too fyi)? Yes. But if *I'm* too young for some of this stuff at 32, a 15 and 19 year old will look STUPID in them. Yes, there are a lot that would look just fine on them and I have no issue with giving them away to them, but everything? No.
Either way, what started out as a way for me to get my shit together has turned into making me feel awful in every respect.
I now feel like a total ass and damned if I do or damned if I don't. I have no real desire to speak to my mom at this point and I'm angry at my dad for hoodwinking me and bringing this mess about.
Advice? Something?
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