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Not doing so shit hot right now. This is a real person and real dilemma.
It is New Years eve and I thought my life could get no worse. I was wrong.

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    Please tell us your problem. That's why we're here.

    As for it being New Year's Eve... it's just another night, honey. And the sun will come up tomorrow like it does every day.

    Now please tell us what's on your mind.

    reply to Donna
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    Yes, Donna's right - we're here to help, so lay it on us!

    reply to Jen 1x
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    There is usually at least one person in here that will know exactly how you feel and will have wonderful and helpful words of encouragement. Share with us your dilemma so someone can help.

    reply to Lacy
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    Pet died recenty. Got second call today about not getting the job applied for. Had what monies I was entitled to cancelled today ( I was counting on that for food), cannot call the food shelter as they are closed (only take calls monday and tuesdays), no living family alive, ex cannot help and does not want to have any further contact (this after yesterday having spent the day together and us both having a good time). Just got a notice of current rent due(tomorrow) and it is up in price. Can not get income assistance as I own a car.

    reply to anonymous
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    Dear Anon,

    I am so sorry to hear about your pet. That is truly awful. Remember that your memories of your pet will live on forever...

    As for the other stuff, the good news is, you can start fresh in 2009. I have made $15k per year and I have made $125k per year - and you know what? I still have a hard time balancing my checkbook. Go to Borders and read some of Suze Orman's books.. she has helped me tremendously. Good luck!

    As for the Ex, forget him. He sounds horrible.

    As for food, there has to be somewhere you can get a meal. Can you go to your Church? Is there a shelter nearby you can contact?

    reply to Blondie
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    Remember that you live in the United States of America and we do not allow women to starve in this country.

    Help us a little more here:

    1. what community are you in?
    2. do you have children?

    reply to Donna
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    no children. Not anywhere close to any of you that have answered.

    reply to anonymous
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    Blondie wrote: Dear Anon, I am so sorry to hear about your pet. That is truly awful. Remember that your memories of your pet will live on forever... As for the other stuff, the good news is, you can start fresh in 2009. I have made $15k per year and I have made $125k per year - and you know what? I still have a hard time balancing my checkbook. Go to Borders and read some of Suze Orman's books.. she has helped me tremendously. Good luck! As for the Ex, forget him. He sounds horrible. As for food, there has to be somewhere you can get a meal. Can you go to your Church? Is there a shelter nearby you can contact?

    shelter is in a bad part of town, do not feel safe to go.
    Church does not have anything going on.

    reply to anonymous
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    anonymous wrote: shelter is in a bad part of town, do not feel safe to go. Church does not have anything going on.

    I think if you contacted your Church - or any church - they would be able to offer a meal, or tell you where you can go.

    Call them or go there now.

    reply to Blondie
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    Where are you? If you are anywhere near Texas let me know and I will come get you.

    reply to Lela
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    Lela wrote: Where are you? If you are anywhere near Texas let me know and I will come get you.

    Thank you Mary but I live very far away.

    reply to anonymous
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    Blondie wrote: I think if you contacted your Church - or any church - they would be able to offer a meal, or tell you where you can go. Call them or go there now.

    they are closed.no one there.

    reply to anonymous
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    So, I can't relate only because I live in the same town as all my living relatives. If ever I needed anything they would all be there.

    I also live in a city where there is a 12 step meeting of some sort going on all over town. 12 step support groups always have food and coffee and someone willing to help. (Maybe that's an option. Whether you have reason to or not, maybe you could call al-anon. Numbers in the yellow pages)

    In my vicinity there are at least a dozen churches who would gladly give me food from their food pantries (they all have one).

    We have a homeless shelter right up the road with lots going on all the time. The fact that you have a car is good. That means if there is somewhere you can go, you can get there.

    I will think of other options. Hang in there.

    reply to Lacy
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    Are you completely out of food? If you are, then you must call every church within a 20-mile radius. Listen to the messages on their answering machines. Most will give you an emergency number to call. Keep calling until someone helps you.

    Also try the Salvation Army.

    Everyone will be open again on Friday. You must reach out for help everywhere you can. One of these days you're going to be back on your feet and you will help someone.

    Don't be discouraged about not getting that job either. It's a tough job market right now. Keep trying! Things WILL get better.

    reply to Donna
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    Anon,

    Please check your local Yellow Pages. There is always something open somewhere to help during the holidays. What city are you in?

    Do you have a friend or even an acquaintance that you can call? Perhaps a neighbor or member of your church?

    I don’t know all of my neighbors, but if someone knocked on my door and told me they were hungry, I would feed them. I also live in a “bad” neighborhood.

    You would be surprised how willing people are to help – even strangers! Also, Lacy’s suggestion of finding an AA meeting or any kind of 12 step program nearby is a good one. They almost always have coffee and donuts or cookies and supportive people. You need not be an alcoholic to attend, just show up and you will be welcomed no matter your circumstances.

    If we don’t take care of each other, then who will?

    PS - I am so sorry you lost your pet. I have been there more times than I care to remember, yet I'll never forget any of them. All pets go to heaven!

    reply to Jen 1x
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    Hey, Sweetie ~

    That all sucks, but it can all be fixed. (Well, not the pet part, and I am very sorry for your loss.)

    For today, do whatever you have to for food, like finding a 12-step meeting.

    As for the future -- if I knew what state you are in, I could help you deal with the rent thing, because I just stopped a crazy-ass landlord from trying to evict us, and while I can't give you legal advice, I can send you in the right direction and give you lots and lots of love and support.

    I don't mean soft and fuzzy cosmic support, either -- I have been there, and I know that you can get past this.

    In less then ten years I have lost my house, my marriage, my career, my car, my best friend, my mother, my father, my dog, my cat, a second career, and my best male friend was murdered.

    I am still standing, still hopeful, still joyful, and you can be, too, if you choose to be. This is just a tough time, and they pass if you refuse to give up and work your butt off to turn things around.

    Go to craigslist, find the page for your city and check the barter listings -- every rent-paying person in my house was laid off in September, and we are scrambling, but we've found help there.

    Go to your state's website and find out everything you can about what kind of assistance is available, and apply for all of it.

    Call 411 and ask them for the numbers of any shelters or assistance programs for women in your area. You can even call the local suicide prevention hotline, let them know that you are NOT considering anything that drastic, but that you need help. They should have referrals.

    If you have anything you can pawn, do it. It hurts to let things go, but losing my 18-diamond wedding ring means a lot less to me than the fact that selling it fed my kids for months. When I ran out of jewelry and first-edition books to sell, I found people willing to pay $25 for old car batteries and all sorts of other junk I never thought was worth anything.

    Apply for any job you are even remotely qualified for, no matter what field it's in -- I am an EMMY-nominated TV writer, and I have cleaned houses, sold furniture and worked in a mail-order hosiery place to keep a roof over our heads.

    Above all, do NOT give up, and don't turn down any opportunity that's legal and safe, okay? As overwhelming as all of this might sound to you tonight, the more you do to turn this around, the better you'll feel.

    And keep checking in, here. All of us have been through at least some part of what you're dealing with...and some of us have been through it all.




    reply to Robynne
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    Robynne wrote: Hey, Sweetie ~ That all sucks, but it can all be fixed. (Well, not the pet part, and I am very sorry for your loss.) For today, do whatever you have to for food, like finding a 12-step meeting. As for the future -- if I knew what state you are in, I could help you deal with the rent thing, because I just stopped a crazy-ass landlord from trying to evict us, and while I can't give you legal advice, I can send you in the right direction and give you lots and lots of love and support. I don't mean soft and fuzzy cosmic support, either -- I have been there, and I know that you can get past this. In less then ten years I have lost my house, my marriage, my career, my car, my best friend, my mother, my father, my dog, my cat, a second career, and my best male friend was murdered. I am still standing, still hopeful, still joyful, and you can be, too, if you choose to be. This is just a tough time, and they pass if you refuse to give up and work your butt off to turn things around. Go to craigslist, find the page for your city and check the barter listings -- every rent-paying person in my house was laid off in September, and we are scrambling, but we've found help there. Go to your state's website and find out everything you can about what kind of assistance is available, and apply for all of it. Call 411 and ask them for the numbers of any shelters or assistance programs for women in your area. You can even call the local suicide prevention hotline, let them know that you are NOT considering anything that drastic, but that you need help. They should have referrals. If you have anything you can pawn, do it. It hurts to let things go, but losing my 18-diamond wedding ring means a lot less to me than the fact that selling it fed my kids for months. When I ran out of jewelry and first-edition books to sell, I found people willing to pay $25 for old car batteries and all sorts of other junk I never thought was worth anything. Apply for any job you are even remotely qualified for, no matter what field it's in -- I am an EMMY-nominated TV writer, and I have cleaned houses, sold furniture and worked in a mail-order hosiery place to keep a roof over our heads. Above all, do NOT give up, and don't turn down any opportunity that's legal and safe, okay? As overwhelming as all of this might sound to you tonight, the more you do to turn this around, the better you'll feel. And keep checking in, here. All of us have been through at least some part of what you're dealing with...and some of us have been through it all.

    Dear Brynne, thank you and thank you to all that have answered.
    I thougtht I had things under the working category, difficult but working. Applied to so many places for work. Thought I had control of the pain and was working through everything towards things positive. Could have dealt with everything else but the ex's reaction tore my heart out.

    reply to anonymous
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    So sorry for your pain and all your problems. Where are you eating and sleeping tonight? Do you have that resolved?

    Then we can talk about your ex's reaction. I think we would all like to know you have food and shelter.

    reply to Jenny
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    ..if you live in an apartment. maybe there are neighbors you can ask for a little bit of food and tell them you'll repay them later..try.you may be surprised...

    ...the holiday season is always such a hard time to face rejection... i wonder why people try to break up with people on holidays , birthdays or when ill or broke.????..nice guysssssss huhhhhhhhhhh???

    reply to Ann-Laura
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    Jenny wrote: So sorry for your pain and all your problems. Where are you eating and sleeping tonight? Do you have that resolved? Then we can talk about your ex's reaction. I think we would all like to know you have food and shelter.

    Hello Jenny, I have shelter. Ok for tonight for some food. Hopefully I will wake up tomorrow in a more positive and not quite so scared mood.
    My ex and I apparently love each other. However he takes the easy way out. Rather than working day by day just general association, he is scared there will be a repeat of past. I on the other hand wanted to take a day at a time, and if both parties work at things, there is progress.

    reply to anonymous
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    Thank goodness! You will be much more positive tomorrow and things will start to fall in place for you.


    reply to Jenny
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    i want you to know ,,you are not alone..previously my long owned house was foreclosed on, my son's and my daughter's separate houses too , foreclosed or gave back to the bank this year............ lost theirs too...

    , after paying ten years on mortgages, refinancing thru shysters..these balloon and arms should be outlawed..
    ...jobs are another thing here too..a mass exodus is happening here, because we are the"Camelot" of Detroit, it is seriously depressed here with shopping centers and malls sitting deserted, school being torn down etc..this city is the epicenter of depressed,,please know, you are not alone in your struggles..millions of Americans are all in many ways facing hard issues and frightening scenerios with each breath,.. keep your faith, try to think of your next move.be so very very courageous and keep a cool head...my son just pulled up a few minutes ago..he is an avionics engineer now making little more than minimum wage, why?????????.because planes are being "serviced" in India..he is driving sixty miles to work and sleeping in the hangers..

    ------ he just brought my wedding dress over and dropped it off........he is losing his house... this week...he was storing my gown in his basement..

    please ..be brave..ask for food and a roof, be gentle with yourself and know this is temporary. ..as for your broken heart... bebe girl go ahead and cry...here's a kiss and a hug....keep the faith..he and thousands of other men are running scared, running from themselves..running from being men,running from their own possibilities of being the most man, they can become.. with integrity and the ability to stand up and protect and provide in a storm.and this porn s-it isn't helping them bond either...

    .. me!!!! ..hey...alone too and i have to keep thinking myself to keep this boat moving and afloat............it's been one hellofva' week- one hell ofa' couplea years.. for so many of us....

    ......let's all have..a happy,healthy prosperous and long NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!..make it a promise..to ourselves..that somehow God will provide ..............

    reply to Ann-Laura
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    bebe girl go ahead and cry...here's a kiss and a hug......I'm alone too and i have to keep thinking myself to keep this boat moving and afloat............it's been one hellofva' week- one hell ofa' couplea years.. for so many of us...


    A big hug for you too Ann-Laura. You're a real trooper.
    Happy New Year to you all. May tomorrow bring hope and excitement !

    reply to Lacy
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    Lacy wrote: bebe girl go ahead and cry...here's a kiss and a hug......I'm alone too and i have to keep thinking myself to keep this boat moving and afloat............it's been one hellofva' week- one hell ofa' couplea years.. for so many of us... A big hug for you too Ann-Laura. You're a real trooper. Happy New Year to you all. May tomorrow bring hope and excitement !

    luv ya Lacy... merci cherie...

    reply to Ann-Laura
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    Ann-Laura wrote: i want you to know ,,you are not alone..previously my long owned house was foreclosed on, my son's and my daughter's separate houses too , foreclosed or gave back to the bank this year............ lost theirs too... , after paying ten years on mortgages, refinancing thru shysters..these balloon and arms should be outlawed.. ...jobs are another thing here too..a mass exodus is happening here, because we are the"Camelot" of Detroit, it is seriously depressed here with shopping centers and malls sitting deserted, school being torn down etc..this city is the epicenter of depressed,,please know, you are not alone in your struggles..millions of Americans are all in many ways facing hard issues and frightening scenerios with each breath,.. keep your faith, try to think of your next move.be so very very courageous and keep a cool head...my son just pulled up a few minutes ago..he is an avionics engineer now making little more than minimum wage, why?????????.because planes are being "serviced" in India..he is driving sixty miles to work and sleeping in the hangers.. ------ he just brought my wedding dress over and dropped it off........he is losing his house... this week...he was storing my gown in his basement.. please ..be brave..ask for food and a roof, be gentle with yourself and know this is temporary. ..as for your broken heart... bebe girl go ahead and cry...here's a kiss and a hug....keep the faith..he and thousands of other men are running scared, running from themselves..running from being men,running from their own possibilities of being the most man, they can become.. with integrity and the ability to stand up and protect and provide in a storm.and this porn s-it isn't helping them bond either... .. me!!!! ..hey...alone too and i have to keep thinking myself to keep this boat moving and afloat............it's been one hellofva' week- one hell ofa' couplea years.. for so many of us.... ......let's all have..a happy,healthy prosperous and long NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!..make it a promise..to ourselves..that somehow God will provide ..............

    Anne-Laura, your picture and then reading your words gives me much hope. That , and wow you look fab!
    It is so hard for many people I know. I know I am one of many in various situations. Where would I be without all of you vixens is what I am thinking.

    reply to anonymous
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    Dear Anon-
    I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know how hopeless you must feel right now. I know what's like to lose everything, have no food, shelter or money, so I also know that it's always darkest before the dawn. I'm going to echo what Brynn and Lacy said, about a 12 step meeting....Here's the good thing about it tonight. In a lot of places because it's New Year's Eve there are even more meetings than usual, every hour on the hour, and you can stay right through 'til tomorrow. You won't be alone. A lot of people drop off holiday food at the meetings before they start there notorious diets tomorrow.

    Also you have shelter tonight. Thank Goodness. The other thing... I'm glad you reached out for help.
    If you believe in any kind of higher entity...ask for a miracle and help.
    I am sending you hugs.


    To the other struggling vixens and survivors and tough cookies... may 2009 be our year.xoxox



    reply to GiGi
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    anonymous wrote: Anne-Laura, your picture and then reading your words gives me much hope. That , and wow you look fab! It is so hard for many people I know. I know I am one of many in various situations. Where would I be without all of you vixens is what I am thinking.

    ..listen ..keep the perfume....the hot water and the lip gloss handy..even if you gotta' clean up at the local MacDonalds..


    and show up at a church..and just stand there..alone and in awe... HE won't ever leave you... but HE has to know where to find you!!!!

    ... if our ancestors could get thru the stuff they got thru..we can get thru this mess!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    reply to Ann-Laura
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    anonymous wrote: Anne-Laura, your picture and then reading your words gives me much hope. That , and wow you look fab! It is so hard for many people I know. I know I am one of many in various situations. Where would I be without all of you vixens is what I am thinking.

    Good luck to you. Tomorrow is a new year, tomorrow you can wake and begin the rest of your life. People will help, and then when you're back on your feet, you'll pay them all back in spades. I wish you the best!

    reply to Ervin
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    Ann-Laura wrote: i want you to know ,,you are not alone..previously my long owned house was foreclosed on, my son's and my daughter's separate houses too , foreclosed or gave back to the bank this year............ lost theirs too... , after paying ten years on mortgages, refinancing thru shysters..these balloon and arms should be outlawed.. ...jobs are another thing here too..a mass exodus is happening here, because we are the"Camelot" of Detroit, it is seriously depressed here with shopping centers and malls sitting deserted, school being torn down etc..this city is the epicenter of depressed,,please know, you are not alone in your struggles..millions of Americans are all in many ways facing hard issues and frightening scenerios with each breath,.. keep your faith, try to think of your next move.be so very very courageous and keep a cool head...my son just pulled up a few minutes ago..he is an avionics engineer now making little more than minimum wage, why?????????.because planes are being "serviced" in India..he is driving sixty miles to work and sleeping in the hangers.. ------ he just brought my wedding dress over and dropped it off........he is losing his house... this week...he was storing my gown in his basement.. please ..be brave..ask for food and a roof, be gentle with yourself and know this is temporary. ..as for your broken heart... bebe girl go ahead and cry...here's a kiss and a hug....keep the faith..he and thousands of other men are running scared, running from themselves..running from being men,running from their own possibilities of being the most man, they can become.. with integrity and the ability to stand up and protect and provide in a storm.and this porn s-it isn't helping them bond either... .. me!!!! ..hey...alone too and i have to keep thinking myself to keep this boat moving and afloat............it's been one hellofva' week- one hell ofa' couplea years.. for so many of us.... ......let's all have..a happy,healthy prosperous and long NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!..make it a promise..to ourselves..that somehow God will provide ..............

    You hang in there, too, Ann-Laura, but I know you will. I hope you have a WONDERFUL New Year! All the best! ;)

    reply to Ervin
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    GiGi wrote: Dear Anon- I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know how hopeless you must feel right now. I know what's like to lose everything, have no food, shelter or money, so I also know that it's always darkest before the dawn. I'm going to echo what Brynn and Lacy said, about a 12 step meeting....Here's the good thing about it tonight. In a lot of places because it's New Year's Eve there are even more meetings than usual, every hour on the hour, and you can stay right through 'til tomorrow. You won't be alone. A lot of people drop off holiday food at the meetings before they start there notorious diets tomorrow. Also you have shelter tonight. Thank Goodness. The other thing... I'm glad you reached out for help. If you believe in any kind of higher entity...ask for a miracle and help. I am sending you hugs. To the other struggling vixens and survivors and tough cookies... may 2009 be our year.xoxox

    thanks Gigi..for the gift of dignity...

    ........ let's keep our heads high as we run thru this war zone called recession/depression....

    and tomorrow morning..get up at dawn and hit the ground running... church first,,then wherever the angels lead you..breathe in the air and you go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    d-mn it... if we stick together..we WILL get thru this...........NOW............ EVERYBODY UPPPPPPPPPPP!!!

    reply to Ann-Laura
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    Ervin wrote: You hang in there, too, Ann-Laura, but I know you will. I hope you have a WONDERFUL New Year! All the best! ;)

    ..with a man like you around Ervin..we girls just might get a good night's sleep!!!!!!!!!!!

    You're always here for us............ now that's a real man!!!!!!!!


    Happy New Year ERVIN..and when you stop over..could you please bring your phillips... and your toolbelt??

    reply to Ann-Laura
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    Ann-Laura wrote: thanks Gigi..for the gift of dignity... ........ let's keep our heads high as we run thru this war zone called recession/depression.... and tomorrow morning..get up at dawn and hit the ground running... church first,,then wherever the angels lead you..breathe in the air and you go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!! d-mn it... if we stick together..we WILL get thru this...........NOW............ EVERYBODY UPPPPPPPPPPP!!!

    Thank You Ann- Laura.
    I just reread my post and realized that it might have sounded like I JUST lost everything. Although things aren't great (looking for work) it's nothing like when I lost everything several years ago. This is a cake walk. I'm doing well, so from experience I know you and anon will thrive.
    Happy New Year.

    reply to GiGi
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    GiGi wrote: Thank You Ann- Laura. I just reread my post and realized that it might have sounded like I JUST lost everything. Although things aren't great (looking for work) it's nothing like when I lost everything several years ago. This is a cake walk. I'm doing well, so from experience I know you and anon will thrive. Happy New Year.

    ...Gigi.........if i stop over...i'm gonna' eat alllllllllll your cookie dough!!!!!!!!!!!

    ..you musn't leave me in the kitchen unattended.. or ..we'll have to have a mittty slapping session!!!

    ..honestly... you can't take me anywhere anymore..i'm such a wildbaby!!!!!!!!!!!

    reply to Ann-Laura
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    Hey there anon. You aren't alone. I've been there many times, and am not in the best place now either. BUT I'm still kicking. And from the many times I've been in the lowest of spots, I know for a fact that what goes down, must come up. I know this might sound completely stupid and meaningless, but the most, most, MOST important thing is to not let yourself get too down, lest you just give up. A crazy thing happens when you find yourself with nothing of worth--you start to feel worthless. Yeah. Go fig. But here's the thing: You aren't. You absolutely aren't. You are still alive. You are still full of potential. We're in a horrible, horrible recession right now, so opportunities are taking longer to pan out than one would normally expect. It doesn't mean it will never pan out. It just means you'll have to have a little more patience than usual (which, I know, is the hardest thing in the world, but you've just got to). And one of the biggest reasons people find themselves destitute is because they give up (and I'm not talking about you. You aren't destitute. You have a place to sleep tonight). Everything seems hopeless, so they decide that it is. It isn't. I promise. Things DO change.

    Okay, so first things first. You're going to get a good night's sleep. Then tomorrow, (because it's a holiday) you're going to get up early and clean your house, you're going to organize your drawers, and you're going to turn your house into a place that begs to be productive. You're going to then research everything you can think of online. Anything that you think, "man, I wish there was an organization that helped with _____." You're then going to write down all of the information from every charity or organization or government program that can conceivably help you. You will call those places at the first opportunity, and if they can't help you, ask them who can. Research gigs on craigslist, and see if you can't get some money from something short term. You will write le-mails to everyone you know and tell them your situation and ask what they can do to help you. Brainstorm as much as possible, and don't assume that things aren't working if they don't work right away.

    Take each issue one at a time. Things will get fixed, even if they don't all get fixed at once, even if they don't get fixed right away.

    Hang in there. That's the most important thing. Do not give up.

    reply to Samantha
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    Samantha wrote: Hey there anon. You aren't alone. I've been there many times, and am not in the best place now either. BUT I'm still kicking. And from the many times I've been in the lowest of spots, I know for a fact that what goes down, must come up. I know this might sound completely stupid and meaningless, but the most, most, MOST important thing is to not let yourself get too down, lest you just give up. A crazy thing happens when you find yourself with nothing of worth--you start to feel worthless. Yeah. Go fig. But here's the thing: You aren't. You absolutely aren't. You are still alive. You are still full of potential. We're in a horrible, horrible recession right now, so opportunities are taking longer to pan out than one would normally expect. It doesn't mean it will never pan out. It just means you'll have to have a little more patience than usual (which, I know, is the hardest thing in the world, but you've just got to). And one of the biggest reasons people find themselves destitute is because they give up (and I'm not talking about you. You aren't destitute. You have a place to sleep tonight). Everything seems hopeless, so they decide that it is. It isn't. I promise. Things DO change. Okay, so first things first. You're going to get a good night's sleep. Then tomorrow, (because it's a holiday) you're going to get up early and clean your house, you're going to organize your drawers, and you're going to turn your house into a place that begs to be productive. You're going to then research everything you can think of online. Anything that you think, "man, I wish there was an organization that helped with _____." You're then going to write down all of the information from every charity or organization or government program that can conceivably help you. You will call those places at the first opportunity, and if they can't help you, ask them who can. Research gigs on craigslist, and see if you can't get some money from something short term. You will write le-mails to everyone you know and tell them your situation and ask what they can do to help you. Brainstorm as much as possible, and don't assume that things aren't working if they don't work right away. Take each issue one at a time. Things will get fixed, even if they don't all get fixed at once, even if they don't get fixed right away. Hang in there. That's the most important thing. Do not give up.

    Samantha, I am sitting here and have been thinking, I dont want to try anymore, dont want to hurt anymore. I have reached the point that I cannot take anymore stuff happening.
    This has been years worth of trying, struggling, being alone.
    I realized I feel like the spouse whose spouse has passed away and that is it just a matter of time because I have lost spirit of hope. I thought for awhile it was otherwise. I am realy looking inside and I am so tired.

    reply to anonymous
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    Hey Anon

    Check out this link. They should be able to give you some sort of assistance, and maybe some advice. (Edit: meaning about the practical stuff, getting that pinned down and out of the way.)

    http://www.salvationarmyusa.org/usn/www_usn.nsf

    They do it all, and they know the story pretty well.

    Suggest getting out of the circular situation here. You seem to have been around this bush a few too many times. Break the cycle, and things should get better.

    reply to Paul
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    anonymous wrote: Samantha, I am sitting here and have been thinking, I dont want to try anymore, dont want to hurt anymore. I have reached the point that I cannot take anymore stuff happening. This has been years worth of trying, struggling, being alone. I realized I feel like the spouse whose spouse has passed away and that is it just a matter of time because I have lost spirit of hope. I thought for awhile it was otherwise. I am realy looking inside and I am so tired.

    Just hold on, Anon. Please. All it takes is just one positive event to turn all of this around. One good thing, just one, and then it builds, another good thing, then another. But you need to stay strong and fight. Think back to a time when you surprised yourself with courage and strength. Remember what it felt like to succeed. Bring that feeling back and hold on to it. Think back to when things were good, and know that you can have that feeling again. If fifty bad things happen to me during the course of a day, just one GOOD thing will make it all worthwhile.

    Please try, please fight through this, please find that strength within yourself to wake up tomorrow and vow to made that day better than the last. You've heard the stories of the other Vixens. We're all here together through all our struggles because no matter how much we're kicked and stepped on, we get back up.

    Please, get back up and wipe yourself off. You're not alone. We're all here sending you good wishes, we're in New Jersey and San Francisco and Toledo and Australia and Chicago and so many other places, and we're pulling for you.

    Don't lose your spirit.

    You've got a lot more to give this world, and the world has a lot more to give you.

    reply to Ervin
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    listen to Ervin..he's a cool dude,,,,,,,,,,,,

    BELIEVE IN "LAST MINUTE MIRACLES" .......they do happen....!!!!!!!!!!!!....I know because that's how every second of my life has worked so far!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.......and do EVERYTHING YOU CAN, to help your angels help you bebe ...get your coat on, get out there .................. and make it happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we are with you, and believe us all , this sticky, smart as-ed crew......we're prayin' hard...........now you git' ..git..git'!!! you go ..............DO IT, DO IT NOW..WEEEEEEEEEE KNOW YOU CAN!!!

    reply to Ann-Laura
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    Anon,

    I hope you wake up feeling better. I know you are REALLY HURTING right now. And I know you have reached the end of your rope, but I just want to tell you that these feelings are going to pass. This kind of shitty state always passes.

    Things are SHIT for so many people right now. Please know that this is not just your pain, but a larger pain. People are hitting rock bottom everywhere. Just know that you are not alone.

    You want the hurt to stop, not your life. And the hurt will stop. Just let yourself move through all the pain and let yourself wallow in it, but realize that it is going to pass, and you are going to feel more hopeful.

    Keep talking to us. There are so many wonderful people here who have been at the end of their rope and can help you keep your head up. I've been where you are, and I know that it will change once you get to the point where you are ready to stand up to it. In the meantime, you need support from people.

    Don't isolate yourself. We're here.

    reply to Ersatz
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    Ann-Laura wrote: listen to Ervin..he's a cool dude,,,,,,,,,,,, BELIEVE IN "LAST MINUTE MIRACLES" .......they do happen....!!!!!!!!!!!!....I know because that's how every second of my life has worked so far!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.......and do EVERYTHING YOU CAN, to help your angels help you bebe ...get your coat on, get out there .................. and make it happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we are with you, and believe us all , this sticky, smart as-ed crew......we're prayin' hard...........now you git' ..git..git'!!! you go ..............DO IT, DO IT NOW..WEEEEEEEEEE KNOW YOU CAN!!!

    .BEBE....there is no time right now..for the word "fatigue" in your vocabulary.. only the words ... "I"ve got to do this..I 've got to fix this now....now think and hit the ground running..!!! " BEBE, you can be tired LATER after you fix this.............. come on girl. catch the bus, it's just ahead and it's full ..it's one big survival code party on board..get on quick!!!!!!!it's boarding time and you can't miss this flight this ride!!!!............DEPACHeeeeeeeeee....
    ...hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyy!

    reply to Ann-Laura
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    To those who are feeling like they can't go on another day, please call 800-784-2433, which is the National Suicide Hotline. You can find someone to talk to and who can help you get (free) counseling (financial and psychological) in your area. It's 800-SUICIDE. Please let us know how you are doing. The thoughtful responses above are proof that even total strangers care about you!

    reply to Jodie
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    Dear Anon,

    It is New Year's Day morning here and I would like to add my voice to the others.

    I know things look bleak right now and I know it is not easy to pull back from despair but it is something you need to do so you can live life on your terms.

    It sounds as if everyone is turning against you and in your small circle they may be preoccupied with themselves and not thinking of you-but that doesn't mean you are not worthy of attention, just that these people have blinders on and do not see how much you are hurting.

    Be assured that there are many who do care, you have evidence of that here, and many more who can care. Make yourself a promise to seek others out and make that connection.

    Many others are in the same boat as you financially so make those connections as well. There are emergency social services, shelters, food, work training and other services to help you. Don't hang back.

    Please let us know how you are today, your last response, I'm sure, has everyone concerned.

    Take care, Jo

    reply to Josephine
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    Happy New Year, Anon ~

    It's noon here in LA, and I wanted to check in with you and see if things look better today.

    I also wanted to tell you that I recognize that end-of-the-rope, no-more-to-give place -- been there too many times -- but that, too, passes if you are willing to let it.

    Samantha is right about finding yourself with nothing of worth making you feel worthless -- but I can tell you from experience that if you let it, it can also make you feel free.

    When I was at the absolutely lowest point in my life, an amazing friend sent me a tiny hand-written sign for my monitor that said "Not for nothing, all this pain. For something wonderful."

    She was right, but you can't wait for the wonderful to come, you have to look for it. And we'll all help, okay?


    reply to Robynne
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    everybody goes through shit. life is really hard. things will get better. be calm. we've all been through something horrible.

    reply to rachel
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    E. Jean gives her phone # out to real people - you are in luck.
    Hang in there!

    reply to Sabrina
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    Spent last two days crying. Spent more online time looking for work. Trying hard to be positive but honestly dont know what to do to change circumstances. Things have been bad for 6 years and I have worked hard to do things to be healthy (exercise,meditation,...) and still no change. Contacted someone I know and mentioned I was aiming at moving from where I currently lived this new year, did not expect them to say they did not know what to say to me, if I am going to get rid of stuff they would like the opportunity to come by and take things (to Keep) (no not keep for me) and then had to go because they had a headache,cold,...
    Iam a destined to meet people where I live like this. Why cannot I meet people like you vixens?

    reply to anonymous
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    Jodie wrote: To those who are feeling like they can't go on another day, please call 800-784-2433, which is the National Suicide Hotline. You can find someone to talk to and who can help you get (free) counseling (financial and psychological) in your area. It's 800-SUICIDE. Please let us know how you are doing. The thoughtful responses above are proof that even total strangers care about you!

    Jodie, I cannot take more things happening to me another day. Not that I cannot go on another day. Things not good and nothing I can do to change things until I get accepted Re: employment. So far all the exercise,meditation, positive inspirations, job hunting,spiritual pursuits,helping others.... has done nothing to alter this feeling. When a spouse dies the other one usually tries as I am trying but from loss of hope... usually fails in health and passes away also. I was not planning on killing myself as I think you thought. I just realized day by day I feel Iam slipping away.

    reply to anonymous
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    anonymous wrote: Jodie, I cannot take more things happening to me another day. Not that I cannot go on another day. Things not good and nothing I can do to change things until I get accepted Re: employment. So far all the exercise,meditation, positive inspirations, job hunting,spiritual pursuits,helping others.... has done nothing to alter this feeling. When a spouse dies the other one usually tries as I am trying but from loss of hope... usually fails in health and passes away also. I was not planning on killing myself as I think you thought. I just realized day by day I feel Iam slipping away.

    Sweetie, my heart truly goes out to you. I do know how you feel, but you've got to pull yourself together. No matter how much you loved your man, and how much it hurts that he's gone, he is NOT worth dying over.

    I understand that you aren't contemplating suicide, but giving up is just a living death. You can get past this, but it's time to let go of the melodrama. Elderly spouses who've been together for fifty years sometimes pass one after the other, but healthy young women do not just fade away because a man left them. Jeez, if they did, there'd be no women over thirty, anywhere.

    If you can't force yourself to face the big issues, then tackle the little ones every day until your strength starts to come back. Eat, sleep, breathe, bathe. Today is Friday -- allow yourself to wallow in your pain all weekend. Cry, rage, rant, give in to self-pity, eat things that are bad for you (but don't you dare get drunk), wail to the Vixens, refuse to get dressed...

    ...and then on Monday morning, get up, shower and let it all wash down the drain. You can do this, I promise you.

    reply to Robynne
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    Sooo sorry to hear about your dreary reality. Pets are precious friends, sorry to hear you lost yours:( Please don't contact the ex again...what a losing piece of caca!

    Do you have any friends???? Just one to help out with the food? I agree with those that say call every church within a few miles. Tomorrow is Saturday, some churches go to church on that day, go there and talk to someone in charge there...I'm sure they will help and there are churches open on Sunday!! You have to swallow your pride and ask for help!

    Focus on thinking of the positive things you are happy about, even if it is one thing (being alive!). I know it is soo hard to be positive when things are down:(

    So you have any food in the house? Do you have a friend nearby?

    reply to RockinGoldenGirl
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