Ask E. Jean - Tormented? Driven Witless? Whipsawed by confusion?

Advice Vixens

Do you treat askEjean.com as more of an advice site? Or, a support group?

In asking a question, are you PRIMARILY seeking validation and encouragement?

Or, do you want to be told the brutal truth?

It seems to me, many questions posed here are from people in seriously troubled situations.

But instead of the majority taking the chance of being ridiculed, or called meanspirited (or worse), the silent, understood group agreement is to encourage the petitioner to continue down whatever path she's chosen.

True, support sites need to survive.

But advice sites need to thrive.

So, I'm wondering.

Are you here to enable others? To be popular? To have your friends write nice things about you so you can feel validated? To see your face pop up on the screen as a super-site-star?

Or, do you, deep down, believe everything you've written as advice?

Would you rather make someone feel good about themselves?

Or, do you seek to help them change behavior that you wouldn't engage in yourself?


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    I've never been one to need super star status from the kudos of others.

    Every piece of advice or any comment I make is heart-felt and honest. It may not always be what the other person wants to hear but, it's always my honest take on the matter.

    When I first came to the site, I was a bit perplexed; it seemed there were a lot of questions that were asked that weren't advice-seeking. Since then, I've learned what this site is about. Community. Give and take. And sometimes that means advice-giving, sometimes that means lending a shoulder to cry on and sometimes that merely means joking and having a good time.

    Regardless, we are a community of caring, passionate individuals. And that is what is important.

    reply to Brandi
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    In the threads I've read and participated in - I cannot say I've noted an 'understood group agreement to encourage petitioners down the paths they've chosen'.

    I believe people are speaking from their own experience - and when they don't have experience to speak from, they say so upfront -- and then let the petitioner know that their plight has been heard and that they wish them the best.

    There's generally a myriad of responses and sometimes divergent advice.

    So, to answer your questions:

    Are you here to enable others? -- I'm here to enable clearer thinking and to help provide an atmosphere conducive to individual choice making.

    To be popular? -- No. I don't believe I am universally liked. That's okay.

    To have your friends write nice things about you so you can feel validated? -- If I've touched someone's heart in a meaningful way, it feels good to be told that. Letting them know I 'see' them and providing information and support for them is more my goal.

    To see your face pop up on the screen as a super-site-star? -- That was exciting the first time. It's not even on the priority list.

    Do you, deep down, believe everything you've written as advice? -- Yes.

    Would you rather make someone feel good about themselves -- or, do you seek to help them change behavior that you wouldn't engage in yourself? -- I'm all about making people feel good about themselves .. whether I'm advising change that's going to be hard, offering words that will be difficult to absorb, or lifting them to a place where they can see themselves differently so that alternate choices going forward are possible.

    Whether I engage in their behaviours or not isn't relevant. Is it healthy for them? Ethical? Safe? Respectful? Responsible? Those factors tend to dictate my responses.


    reply to Sally G.
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    hi Marguerite how are you today?

    I, with all sincerity offer the best advice I can. I try to make it witty and not sound too condemning when it may not be just want the other might like to hear. As for brutal honesty, I make that decision based on the person who made the post. I tend to look at their profile and see how they might prefer to be answered. I don’t do this to be popular (I have been out of high school for a long time ;) I do it because I truly do care and really do want to give them something that will resonate with their particular personality. Some people don’t want the brutal truth, others do.

    As for my posts with questions or seeking advice, I always want the brutal truth. I need it, want it, and actually love it. I respect anyone who can speak freely and I am always open to new ideas.

    Great question!

    reply to Kim
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    Hello Miss M,

    I treat A/V like a large group of friends. My friends tell me when I'm wrong, as I do them. My friends laugh with me for the sake of laughing and share good and bad times.

    While my friends are supportive, and I of them, none of us mind sharing an unpopular opinion once in a while.

    Oh, and sometimes I go to them for the exact opposite of validation...sometimes I want to be told I'm wrong and 'put in my place' before continuing on a validated path to destruction!!

    reply to Lynne
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    I can see you still don't understand the purpose of this site, Marguerite, or the reason the regulars have stuck with it for months, a year, or in the case of some of us, two or more years.

    Perhaps you don't mean to be contentious or to bait people (or perhaps you do), but as this is not the first time you've questioned why we are here and what we do, I have trouble giving you the benefit of the doubt.

    I and all of the regulars here have read thousands of questions and given the wisest, most meaningful, most heartfelt advice we could come up with - we take it seriously, we give straight-forward, honest, often hard-to-hear advice.

    When someone is in trouble, we "listen" and advise them as we would a close friend. We don't enable anyone.

    Yes, there is a big social component to this site. Many Vixens have met one another away from here, and have established friendships. We care about each other, and root for each other, and want everyone to do well and be successful.

    I don't come here for validation. I come here to help someone out of a jam, whether it's a simple thing or they're in serious trouble. I may not respond to every thread, but I read almost all of them, and take what we do here seriously.

    If you really do want to be taken seriously here and not have people jumping down your throat, then you really should think before you post contentious threads like this that suggest we are here and we post just to be popular.

    That's what I'm thinking, Marguerite.

    reply to ehvwon
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    As I see it, AskEJean.com is a unique supportive resource for advice. There is much friendship, which is fine. You ask "...or do you want the brutal truth?" The truth does not always have to be brutal; it can be frank. I am here to learn, as are most others here.

    reply to Dorothy
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    SallyG writes:

    Whether I engage in their behaviors or not isn't relevant. Is it healthy for them? Ethical? Safe? Respectful? Responsible? Those factors tend to dictate my responses.
    ****

    I find that interesting.

    So, tell us, how do you know what's healthy for others, or not, if you've never participated in the behavior yourself?

    If don't speak from your own perspective based on your own experience and moral code (that you've deemed irrelevant) -- whose voice are you using?

    Whose ethics are you applying?



    reply to Karma
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    Karma wrote: SallyG writes: Whether I engage in their behaviors or not isn't relevant. Is it healthy for them? Ethical? Safe? Respectful? Responsible? Those factors tend to dictate my responses. **** I find that interesting. So, tell us, how do you know what's healthy for others, or not, if you've never participated in the behavior yourself? If don't speak from your own perspective based on your own experience and moral code (that you've deemed irrelevant) -- whose voice are you using? Whose ethics are you applying?

    Geez Marguerite, you may want to lighten up on people....

    Who are you to dictate or edit another vixen's responses or where they come from???

    From where I'm sitting, your interests posed as questions look more like statements and the majority of threads like challenges as to who we are or why we are here.

    Honestly and with genuine interest...Why are you here?

    reply to Lynne
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    I am new here so I haven't answered many questions but the one pointed question, I did try to give accurate answers to the very serious question she asked. I did feel like some were just 'patting the shoulder' answers though... so very good question. You caused a bit of introspection in me...

    reply to Jennifer
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    Some people are older and wiser and makes us all turn to them for their wisdom and gained wit.

    Some are just heavily deluded. I blame it on your doc.

    Haven't the years taught you that attention, popularity and respect are gained gradually, with consistence and humility?

    You have been desperately trying to get attention since you came here two weeks ago, pathetically pimping your own threads and attempting to control how others should say things.

    Are you seriously THAT deluded?

    reply to Keka
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    And I don't find your question offensive at all.

    reply to Jennifer
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    This is a rhetorical question--it's clear what you think of the poeple who post here, and it's clear how people will respond. There's no need for this thread.

    reply to Samantha
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    Karma wrote: SallyG writes: Whether I engage in their behaviors or not isn't relevant. Is it healthy for them? Ethical? Safe? Respectful? Responsible? Those factors tend to dictate my responses. **** I find that interesting. So, tell us, how do you know what's healthy for others, or not, if you've never participated in the behavior yourself? If don't speak from your own perspective based on your own experience and moral code (that you've deemed irrelevant) -- whose voice are you using? Whose ethics are you applying?

    If stated actions can impair judgement, kill you, demean or disrespect you -- or do all or any of the above to others... they are unhealthy.

    I've been very generous with my perspectives, very open with my experiences and refuse to walk into this trap about moral codes.

    I'll reflect on your ethics question - because at first blush, I'm not quite sure what you're really asking me. Nor am I asking you to clarify.

    Marguerite - I am real, I am genuine, I am compassionate. In some realms of life I am wise - in others, I am confused.

    I always assume the best in others and give them the benefit of the doubt ... and I aim my suggested guidance and feedback to the potential that exists within each person who posts.

    Sometimes, I use wit and humour ... if I feel the spectrum of advice already offered beautifully addresses the person's question or issue. And some questions just lend themselves to a witty response.

    I will never use words as weapons.

    I will never spar or joust for the sake of a good fight ... or so you can then qualify me as someone who has character.

    I really love the spirit in this community ~ and I contribute to it as best I can.

    It's okay not to like me.

    reply to Sally G.
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    I am honest and as courteous in being so as possible. I also try to lighten it up and not make it too heavy if I am able to. I also try to be kind with my tough love.

    In having had a rough childhood, making my own way at 16 and taking a lot of chances in life - I have lived a lot, and feel proud to be able to share my experiences and the lessons learned. And to learn in return.

    But it's not all just advice giving for me. I love the community of it all! I love the threads of - what's your most embarassing moment - what is your best beauty tip - what do I get for a frugal gift - these to me are friends asking friends.

    I love having this place to come to as a community member, not just to give advice, but to have fun! It can be a lonely life as a writer - I am not lonely here!

    As for making friends, I figure the only way to truly do that is to be completely myself. So that's what I always am.

    reply to Phoenix
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    I know I'm not a regular but I've been looking at this site for about a year or so. This is what I don't understand, if you have so many problems about this site, why are you here?

    This site is more than just an advice site, it's a community. It's that simple

    reply to KP
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    Dear Theresa/AV1,

    I asked a valid question.

    You're telling me, not just how you feel, but what this site is about.

    To either get on board, and fall into line -- or else.

    You're implying that I must be agreeable according to your rules and regulations.

    But gawd forbid I suggest anything that might be of an underlying concern of others -- because if I do, you'll slap it right down, and tell me I don't understand, and don't belong.

    Well, I thought I made this clear.

    But apparently you don't understand.

    I'm not here seeking your approval.

    And, I could be wrong -- but I don't think just because you've been here the longest, this entire site, and every question posed, is about you, and yours.

    Nevertheless, I keep getting the feeling that you're the boss, you're the one in charge, you're the one making all the decisions, you're the alpha dog telling whoever to back down because, if not, you'll bite.

    The last time I asked a "contentious question" it got 160+ hits from people who did NOT agree with you.

    Your Rambo gang came after me like acid on skin.

    BUT AT LEAST 160 WALKING WOUNDED PEOPLE POSTING HERE DID NOT AGREE WITH YOU.

    Perhaps you're still pissed about that.

    That's fine. You go be pissed.

    But mine is a valid question.

    And, if even a few people want more from this site than they feel they're getting, they have a right to express that, without your permission, or intimidation, or any fear of being lambasted for asking.

    What you're saying to me is this site should remain stagnant, comfortable, without growth, or change, and be subjected to no input from anyone who doesn't meet your personal standards of agreeability, and that you've got your gang of regulars to make certain your law and order is maintained.

    Call me crazy, but I see that as E. Jean Carroll's prerogative.

    Not yours.

    So, as long as it's still HER site, I'll take the chance of being attacked by you and your followers for my curiosity, and refusing to conform to your perception of what a person is allowed to wonder.

    Or, not.

    And, guess what?

    Even if E. Jean Carroll asks me to leave in order to restore your order and maintain your control -- that's not a win for you.

    And, it's not a loss for me.







    reply to Karma
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    No, I'm not the boss, and never declared myself to be, or even suggested that, ever.

    You are the one constantly instigating to get attention, not me.

    And really, I won't waste my time by allowing you to suck me in again.

    reply to ehvwon
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    KP writes:

    This is what I don't understand, if you have so many problems about this site, why are you here?
    ******

    This is what escapes me. Why does asking a question on this site result in so much self-righteous indignation?

    Why don't people just answer the question?

    Why do they assume things as an immediate affront?

    I didn't say I had problems with the site.

    I asked a question, based on many answers given to very serious issues.

    reply to Karma
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    Brandi writes:

    Every piece of advice or any comment I make is heart-felt and honest. It may not always be what the other person wants to hear but, it's always my honest take on the matter.
    ********

    Thank you. That makes for a valuable friend, and I bet you're regarded as on.


    reply to Karma
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    Kim writes:

    I, with all sincerity offer the best advice I can. I try to make it witty and not sound too condemning when it may not be just want the other might like to hear......

    As for my posts with questions or seeking advice, I always want the brutal truth. I need it, want it, and actually love it. I respect anyone who can speak freely and I am always open to new ideas.

    Great question!
    *****

    Thanks Kim! And I'm just great this morning. Hope you are too.

    I will always look for your comments to my posts.

    Be sure to LET ME HAVE IT when you think I'm wrong, ok? Ok!


    reply to Karma
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    Lynne writes:

    I treat A/V like a large group of friends. My friends tell me when I'm wrong, as I do them. My friends laugh with me for the sake of laughing and share good and bad times.

    While my friends are supportive, and I of them, none of us mind sharing an unpopular opinion once in a while.

    Oh, and sometimes I go to them for the exact opposite of validation...sometimes I want to be told I'm wrong and 'put in my place' before continuing on a validated path to destruction!!

    **********

    Good point, Lynne.

    Oft times I flat out ask, "Do you want my opinion, or support?" And then I proceed accordingly.


    reply to Karma
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    Dorothy writes:

    As I see it, AskEJean.com is a unique supportive resource for advice. There is much friendship, which is fine. You ask "...or do you want the brutal truth?" The truth does not always have to be brutal; it can be frank. I am here to learn, as are most others here.

    *********

    As am I. And, trust me, I've learned a lot!

    reply to Karma
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    You are BEYOND unreal with the ridiculous statements you make!

    First, AV1 was politely explaining to you how this site has grown and evolved, not establishing a set of rules that one must abide for.

    Second, the thread with many comments had absolutely nothing to do with you. First, there was a disagreement that you DESPERATELY kept calling people into, and then there was a big wave of rookies who went there just because they saw many postings and they taught it was the thing to do, which is usually what happens when a thread passes 70 or so comments and the OP keeps posting to draw attention to it.

    You are so incredibly toasted, you even kept explaining about that Lee thread!! Which was nothing but just a regular user trying to pull a childish stunt with an extra account.

    I am not as polite as AV. And honestly I haven't been responding to your delusional threads because I feel kinda sorry for you, obviously you take some pills that mess with your head.

    reply to Keka
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    Lynne writes:

    From where I'm sitting, your interests posed as questions look more like statements and the majority of threads like challenges as to who we are or why we are here.

    Honestly and with genuine interest...Why are you here?
    *******

    To try to understand the vast differences between how different people interpret the same words -- why some find them as a challenge to their self-esteem and very being -- and others find as introspective, offering an opportunity to express what they feel about the topic of discussion.

    There's so much anger laced in words. People are so quick to take offense at any question that forces them think or feel -- especially if they've decided it was directed at them, personally.

    Why do people assume that?

    Why can't they accept a question at face value, and answer it?

    Why should the asking the identical question incite some to riot, and others to say, GREAT QUESTION.

    What has become so threatening about asking questions?






    reply to Karma
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    Keka writes:

    First, there was a disagreement that you DESPERATELY kept calling people into, and then there was a big wave of rookies who went there just because they saw many postings and they taught it was the thing to do, which is usually what happens when a thread passes 70 or so comments and the OP keeps posting to draw attention to it.

    *********

    So, you're dismissing the validity of that question, and the sincerity of all those people who posted views opposing Theresa?AV1's and yours?

    Geez. And here I'd hoped maybe both of you learned something from what others had to say.

    Silly me.


    reply to Karma
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    Karma wrote: Keka writes: First, there was a disagreement that you DESPERATELY kept calling people into, and then there was a big wave of rookies who went there just because they saw many postings and they taught it was the thing to do, which is usually what happens when a thread passes 70 or so comments and the OP keeps posting to draw attention to it. ********* So, you're dismissing the validity of that question, and the sincerity of all those people who posted views opposing Theresa?AV1's and yours? Geez. And here I'd hoped maybe both of you learned something from what others had to say. Silly me.


    As valid as Dr Robert's mortician thread. Yeah.

    reply to Keka
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    Marguerite,

    I am so fascinated by the first part of your post:

    "Do you treat askEjean.com as more of an advice site? Or, a support group?"

    Maybe I'm misinterpreting it, but do you really think it's possible to give advice without also giving support? Do you think anyone listens to advice that comes without some sort of validation of the person who is struggling?

    What do you think is the difference between "advice" and "support"? Why does truth have to be "brutal"? And what makes you think that people are more likely to listen to it, if you present it that way?

    I'm no expert, but it seems to me pretty self-evident that when people are in struggling or in pain, they're not going to respond well to being beat up. If you really want to help someone, you need enough empathy to be able to present your advice so that they can let it in.

    As for the rest of it... I think the rest of the Vixens covered all of it pretty well.

    reply to Robynne
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    Karma wrote: Keka writes: First, there was a disagreement that you DESPERATELY kept calling people into, and then there was a big wave of rookies who went there just because they saw many postings and they taught it was the thing to do, which is usually what happens when a thread passes 70 or so comments and the OP keeps posting to draw attention to it. ********* So, you're dismissing the validity of that question, and the sincerity of all those people who posted views opposing Theresa?AV1's and yours? Geez. And here I'd hoped maybe both of you learned something from what others had to say. Silly me.

    The question was very valid.

    Your motive behind posting was not.

    You did it because you thought I was one of those men and you were seeking validation on your own hurt feelings. That was clear to everyone but you.

    The greatest aspect of this site is that even you, Miss Marguerite, after all of the boo-hooing and pot stirring, will come to be accepted if you stay. There are no "last chances" on here. We are forgiving, we are understanding, we are sympathetic and we are as a whole, kind.

    We won't always get along, we most certainly won't always agree, but if our motives behind being here remain the same; to help people, then there's nothing we can't overcome.

    You are not a puppy, so my advice is to quit acting like one.

    reply to T.M.
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    I think all of your points would be reason some join and remain. Other points could be the need to feel useful, etc. For me?

    #1. Waste time - i.e. brainless time when I need a break from suing, being sued, dealing with a problem job, a.k.a. escape

    #2. (Most importantly) I like to see my "face pop up on the screen as a super-site-star"

    reply to Sugah
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    Thanks Sparrow. I LOVE the stabbing Oscar Wilde quip. Wasn't he the best? Dorothy Parker and he would have been such fun to listen to, and awe.

    Alas, what you read of what I write is real. This IS who I am.

    I come from a family who thinks out loud.

    We were challenged to think, and speak, and listen, and rethink, and switch sides, and think, and speak, and think some more.

    Jacob Abbott, a respected American clergyman (1805-1877) wrote:

    "How do you know so much about anything?" was asked of one, very wise and intelligent.

    "By never being ashamed, or afraid to ask for answers as to anything, " came the reply.



    reply to Karma
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    Oh, wow EJean. Thanks! I think I needed to hear that.


    reply to Karma
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    T.M. Long writes:
    The question was very valid.

    Your motive behind posting was not.
    *******

    You're a good writer. I like that about you. You're a great foil because we write stark differences. You inspire me to offer up an opposing view, so people can engage themselves in what we've proposed.

    And then cut loose.

    I think your weakness (and those whom you refer to when you invoke the proverbial "everyone" i.d.) comes from assuming you know the motives of others.

    Not just mine. But of anyone, besides yourself.

    You don't.

    You can't.

    You can only assume my motives, based on what you choose to believe about yourself.

    The fact is, none of us can know another's motives.

    So, I'll tell you one of mine, and let you assume what you may.

    Every question of merit creates another question in a restless mind.

    "I wonder what, I wonder if" are the two best thoughts a parent can instill and nurture in the mind of a child.

    I am childlike in that way.

    I see one question answered, and I wonder what the extenuation of that question would involve.

    You assume the worst.

    Try, instead, to assume the best.

    Treat confrontation as a gift.

    Anything that makes one think and speak and take a stand in this day, and age, is a gift.

    Meanwhile, I apologize for thinking you were a man.

    When you wrote in words I felt were demeaning to women, and vulgar in nature, I wasn't looking at your photograph.

    I was hearing my father talk to my mom.

    And, it stung my heart.

    So, in essence, I asked other people if such language stung their hearts, too.

    It was a valid question.

    You couldn't have possibly understood my motive then.

    And, you don't now.

    My advice to you is, ignore the motives.

    Answer the question.

    Or, move on to one you can.

    -------








    reply to Karma
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    Instead of breaking down everything you said and replying to it I'll simply say that I pretty much agree with everything you just said.

    Nobody can get the full picture of anything on here, assumptions are widely made because that's the nature of the (internet) beast.



    reply to T.M.
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    I just think you're fucking annoying. Hope you learned something from my response.

    reply to Bella
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    I'm here to give advice when asked and enjoy a laugh with others that clearly like a good giggle.

    I never signed on to play in your petri dish.

    I can appreciate why long standing members get insulted when you question their motives, but with so many new people/personalities/questions who are here for the job opportunity, they are left questioning the motives behind the questions.

    The fact is that we are the 'noobs' here and everything I have seen from the long-standing members doesn't always fall in with the popular vote, in fact they are the most scathing. I am still here because I appreciate their honesty and I show them the respect by offering nothing less in return.

    reply to Juliet
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    Juliet wrote: I'm here to give advice when asked and enjoy a laugh with others that clearly like a good giggle. I never signed on to play in your petri dish. I can appreciate why long standing members get insulted when you question their motives, but with so many new people/personalities/questions who are here for the job opportunity, they are left questioning the motives behind the questions. The fact is that we are the 'noobs' here and everything I have seen from the long-standing members doesn't always fall in with the popular vote, in fact they are the most scathing. I am still here because I appreciate their honesty and I show them the respect by offering nothing less in return.

    What??? I'm KNOWN for always always always saying what people want to hear.


    *For those unable to read sarcasm, that was painted on pretty thick.*

    reply to T.M.
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    Thanks T.M.L.

    And, you're right about the cyberbeast. Way.




    reply to Karma
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    T.M. wrote: What??? I'm KNOWN for always always always saying what people want to hear. *For those unable to read sarcasm, that was painted on pretty thick.*


    There should be a titillating font that clearly implies sarcasm, for some have the tendency to misinterpret it as flattery.

    reply to Keka
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    Juliet wrote: I'm here to give advice when asked and enjoy a laugh with others that clearly like a good giggle. I never signed on to play in your petri dish. I can appreciate why long standing members get insulted when you question their motives, but with so many new people/personalities/questions who are here for the job opportunity, they are left questioning the motives behind the questions. The fact is that we are the 'noobs' here and everything I have seen from the long-standing members doesn't always fall in with the popular vote, in fact they are the most scathing. I am still here because I appreciate their honesty and I show them the respect by offering nothing less in return.

    I respect you for always being honest, Juliet. To some of the newbies, I may come across as a bitch or that I am trying to chase them away. NOTHING could be further from the truth. I have tried to be welcoming to all, Marguerite included.

    However, when someone, in my opinion calls into question the motives of people here who are well known for their integrity, honesty and straightforwardness, I take offense.

    And I'd call anyone out on that, regardless of whether they were new or old.

    Like me or hate me, I have to be true to myself, I can't squelch who I am.

    reply to ehvwon
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    ehvwon wrote: I respect you for always being honest, Juliet. To some of the newbies, I may come across as a bitch or that I am trying to chase them away. NOTHING could be further from the truth. I have tried to be welcoming to all, Marguerite included. However, when someone, in my opinion calls into question the motives of people here who are well known for their integrity, honesty and straightforwardness, I take offense. And I'd call anyone out on that, regardless of whether they were new or old. Like me or hate me, I have to be true to myself, I can't squelch who I am.

    I like you.

    reply to Sally G.
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    ehvwon wrote: I respect you for always being honest, Juliet. To some of the newbies, I may come across as a bitch or that I am trying to chase them away. NOTHING could be further from the truth. I have tried to be welcoming to all, Marguerite included. However, when someone, in my opinion calls into question the motives of people here who are well known for their integrity, honesty and straightforwardness, I take offense. And I'd call anyone out on that, regardless of whether they were new or old. Like me or hate me, I have to be true to myself, I can't squelch who I am.

    Did anyone bring a flag?!?!?!?!?

    reply to Juliet
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    Juliet wrote: Did anyone bring a flag?!?!?!?!?

    No, "do you have a flag?"

    reply to ehvwon
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    ehvwon wrote: No, "do you have a flag?"

    /fashions a flag out of her 6 month old undies

    TA DA!

    I claim this thread in the name of Bonds!

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    Juliet wrote: Did anyone bring a flag?!?!?!?!?

    That's the thing Juliet - it's not a war! It's just REALLY irritating when ahem, people come to vixens trying see what OUR motives are?? wtffffffff

    We helped make this site what it is, not that I/we want a round of applause, we just want the respect that comes with being a vixen. You seem to have it, others don't. I don't respect those that don't respect the Vixens.

    This place has literally saved me and I am eternally grateful for that.

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    Juliet wrote: /fashions a flag out of her 6 month old undies TA DA! I claim this thread in the name of Bonds!

    James Bonds?

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    I think it comes down to a personality issue. If you are gentle/sensitive/supportive in person, you'll most likely be the same on a site like this. If you are brutally honest/opinionated/uncensored with your advice in person, then you'll be so here.

    As a "newbie" my own experience of how people handle questions on here seems to generally be supportive, and well thought out. This seems to be a pretty smart group, and there's no need for rudeness in approaching any dilemma. It is possible to state a challenging opinion without coming across as harsh or, God forbid, offensive. And you "Vixens," seem to pull that off pretty well.

    Now everyone can LOVE ME!!!! Hahahaha.

    reply to Matt
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    Dear Theresa/AV1, SallyG, Keka,

    Scroll up:
    E.Jean wrote:
    I like your question, Miss Marguerite. I am flabbergasted I never asked it myself.

    So, can you just let people ANSWER the question?


    reply to Karma
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    Bella wrote: That's the thing Juliet - it's not a war! It's just REALLY irritating when ahem, people come to vixens trying see what OUR motives are?? wtffffffff We helped make this site what it is, not that I/we want a round of applause, we just want the respect that comes with being a vixen. You seem to have it, others don't. I don't respect those that don't respect the Vixens. This place has literally saved me and I am eternally grateful for that.

    You can have my flag Bella (they're clean I swear!)

    Sally, I'm not sure, do you think he'd like stripes?

    I've always pictured him as a Marvin the Martian boxer kind of guy underneath his tux.

    reply to Juliet
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    Karma wrote: Dear Theresa/AV1, SallyG, Keka, Scroll up: E.Jean wrote: I like your question, Miss Marguerite. I am flabbergasted I never asked it myself. So, can you just let people ANSWER the question?

    Sorry Marguerite ... I did not mean for my playful banter with Juliet and Theresa to serve as an Answer Stopper. Just having a bit of fun in an otherwise heavy thread.

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    Karma wrote: Dear Theresa/AV1, SallyG, Keka, Scroll up: E.Jean wrote: I like your question, Miss Marguerite. I am flabbergasted I never asked it myself. So, can you just let people ANSWER the question?

    Um, VH1 keeps giving Tiffany from "I love New York" a reality show after another.

    She thinks it's because she is beautiful and adorable.

    Of course the channel producers would never enlighten her. We all love to see when her fake lashes fly half off and she explains to her potential lovers, fork flying mouth full, what she finds enticing about them or not.

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    Ok to answer your question.

    I'm not here to enable others. If I think someone is looking to be a victim and sympathised with, I call them out on it.

    I'm not looking for my face to pop up and go 'OH EM GEE it's me!' If I wanted that, I would have used a headshot, not one that diminishes me in my environment.

    My life is full to bursting with other activities that fulfill me, I don't need validation from anyone else. But I am prepared to make a fool of myself to give those a laugh who for whatever reason want one. What other people's motives are - not my place to say or judge.

    The brutal truth is that I have felt like I was part of your social experiment. You post questions, people answer,you then extend those questions by probing further, drawing out the topics. You offer essays in rebuttal, I find your 'Dear Juliet' 'Darling Juliet' to be patronising as you post them before a rebuttal that either tries to explain a point I understood but failed to see the validity, or trying to articulate that your POV was correct and mine was for whatever reason incorrect or invalid. When someone posts something that you agree with you applaud them, tell them they are correct as if you were an authority.

    You have no authority here, only a voice like the rest of us, which makes us equal. How each person chooses to use it is up to them.

    reply to Juliet
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    Marguerite, I'm all about cheer. I'm about a little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants. And in the course of good, clean fun, my hope is that I don't come off as an insult comedian manning a suicide hotline. Humor is my advice and the support I extend. Most people with serious problems who search for advice on a website of strangers are doomed by a jury of their peers. But take heart in knowing that no matter how screwed up an advice-seeker is, there is always somebody giving advice who's more screwed up than they are. If you can pick that alpha nut out of the assortment of mixed nuts, you're on your way to recovery, and a spot on the jury to weigh the problems of the next seeker of wisdom.

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    Hi Marguerite,

    I'm all heart with a side of ham! Being a Vixen really makes me happy. That's it!

    M

    reply to Mary
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    I think we seek validation above all else with the Vixens. By this point in our lives I'll assume most people have an ethical compass but we just need a nudge here and there to stay the course.

    Aside from the odd rash-related question getting (and taking) advice from (relatively) complete strangers can be a dangerous game.

    Sharing within this community mostly goes to show you're not alone, and others can share (and have) in your grief, ecstasy, horror or, I suppose given the precedent, that AWFUL AWFUL rash.

    reply to Charlie
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    It's a fun friends' chat. Is that wrong? I don't think so. The sense I get is people are being honest and supportive -- plus respectful. You can be honest and still be kind and thoughtful. There's no reason to make every honest comment seem like it came from a "Scared Straight" session.

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    Calvin writes:

    Marguerite, I'm all about cheer. I'm about a little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants.
    ********

    This line never ceases to make me laugh. Thanks for the grin.
    --------------------

    Juliet writes:

    I find your 'Dear Juliet' 'Darling Juliet' to be patronizing as you post them before a rebuttal..
    ******

    I'm sorry you feel that way. I never intended to be patronizing.

    When I open each email from the EJean site it says:

    My darling, your question on Advice Vixens has received an answer from Juliet.

    I mistook the use of "Darling" as protocol.

    I apologize.



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    Marguerite: "Juliet writes:

    I find your 'Dear Juliet' 'Darling Juliet' to be patronizing as you post them before a rebuttal..
    ******

    I'm sorry you feel that way. I never intended to be patronizing.

    When I open each email from the EJean site it says:

    My darling, your question on Advice Vixens has received an answer from Juliet.

    I mistook the use of "Darling" as protocol.

    I apologize."

    I'd believe that if you'd been uniform in applying it. You're not. All it takes is a quick scroll up to see the difference.

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    Juliet wrote: /fashions a flag out of her 6 month old undies TA DA! I claim this thread in the name of Bonds!

    Did you mean, "Blondes"? Ha!

    Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on? Can someone point me to this original question that Miss Marguerite posted?

    Or give me the Cliff Notes. I've had an exhausting day, and may have met the Devil incarnate. That, or just a very very very very very evil woman. I am working at one of the most bizarre client sites. EVER.

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    Brandi wrote: I've never been one to need super star status from the kudos of others. Every piece of advice or any comment I make is heart-felt and honest. It may not always be what the other person wants to hear but, it's always my honest take on the matter. When I first came to the site, I was a bit perplexed; it seemed there were a lot of questions that were asked that weren't advice-seeking. Since then, I've learned what this site is about. Community. Give and take. And sometimes that means advice-giving, sometimes that means lending a shoulder to cry on and sometimes that merely means joking and having a good time. Regardless, we are a community of caring, passionate individuals. And that is what is important.

    Hi Brandi,

    You're right. I noticed something different here from the first time that I visited. It's actually the first site of this type that I've been attracted to; for all the qualities that you described.

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    The chain of dialogue ("thread") I created was for fun.

    However, even professional advice can be self-serving, yes? And your question actually applies beyond this site, yes?
    Sometimes a second or third opinion from a "professional" is the only way to go. Whether you ask a question here, at a bus stop, or whereever, it is your question and your decision. If you need more information, it is up to you to find it.

    Sincerity is hard for any of us to define sometimes. Let's jst say that a sincere answer is all that can be expected.

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    Keka wrote: There should be a titillating font that clearly implies sarcasm, for some have the tendency to misinterpret it as flattery.

    I love it when you're angry.

    reply to Robert
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    Wowie kazowie, like I said, I went out to march for the rights of gays to marry and returned to find this long thread of intense discussion.

    I am new to Advice Vixens. What I like about it includes:

    * honesty, even when it makes me squirm.

    * A forum of people who a) can write! and b) can think and speak freely from their hearts.

    * Endless questions to choose from to where I can state my thoughts and really feel good about it because there is a strong energy of community and freedom of thought here.

    Marguerite, your questions have been fun, thoughtful, and even causing a stir from time to time, but I do believe that what T. M. Long said hits it fair and square:

    "The greatest aspect of this site is that even you, Miss Marguerite, after all of the boo-hooing and pot stirring, will come to be accepted if you stay. There are no "last chances" on here. We are forgiving, we are understanding, we are sympathetic and we are as a whole, kind."

    So let it all roll off and stay. You are smart, clever, and have a lot to contribute.

    Your presence is cordially needed.




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    Keka wrote: Um, VH1 keeps giving Tiffany from "I love New York" a reality show after another. She thinks it's because she is beautiful and adorable. Of course the channel producers would never enlighten her. We all love to see when her fake lashes fly half off and she explains to her potential lovers, fork flying mouth full, what she finds enticing about them or not.

    Flattery has an implication of insincerity. We read "The Prince" here at the zoo, along with "No Exit".
    I am being sincere :)

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    Robert wrote: Flattery has an implication of insincerity. We read "The Prince" here at the zoo, along with "No Exit". I am being sincere :)


    Quoting Sartre and Machiavelli huh. But this is no hell, despite appearances.

    Have we met before, Doc?

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    Keka wrote: Quoting Sartre and Machiavelli huh. But this is no hell, despite appearances. Have we met before, Doc?

    You probably handed him your keys earlier.

    IMAGINE.. haha.

    reply to T.M.
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    1) Do you treat askEjean.com as more of an advice site? Or, a support group?

    Both. It's nice to get the advice when I'm truly seeking help, but it's also nice to post random questions to start discussion. There's a girl (Veronica, maybe?) who keeps asking people what exactly they want advice on. I understand she's just trying to stir trouble, but many must realize that sometimes, there is a goal displacement. This occurs in society altogether.

    For example, my university was first created to teach. Now it's a research institute. There was a goal displacement. That's not necessarily a bad thing!

    2) Are you PRIMARILY seeking validation and encouragement? Or, do you want to be told the brutal truth?

    As someone stated earlier, advice does not always come in the form of brutality. If that is your opinion, then that is your opinion. My mother used to be this way; she used to think that advice always had to be brutal, not what you want to hear, and pessimistic. It is self-damaging.

    3) Are you here to enable others? To be popular? To have your friends write nice things about you so you can feel validated? To see your face pop up on the screen as a super-site-star?

    This website has grown into a community of friends. We treat each other like friends. Are my friends only my friends for the sole purpose of giving me brutal advice? No.

    Friends should be able to share the ups and downs. Laughs and heartache. That does not always come in the form of an advice-seeking question.

    I do not want friends who always want to play the Devil's Advocate. That, to me, is not a friend. Sure, you can bring up the other points of view, but that should not be your sole purpose.

    4) Do you, deep down, believe everything you've written as advice?

    Yes. I am a true believer in giving/receiving advice, as well as constructive criticism. But to me, constructive criticism and brutal truths are not always the same.

    I grew up with it. I grew up with a mother who believed in brutal honesty more than constructive criticism. With that, I grew up with little self-respect. It doesn't make me weak. It just means I was surrounded by an unhealthy individual. Unfortunately, that unhealthy individual is someone you are raised to believe in and trust.

    Now it's a little better. She gives great advice, constructive criticism, and moral support. She believes in allowing me to learn through experience. I think it finally got to her that she was only pushing people away with her negativity.

    5) Would you rather make someone feel good about themselves? Or, do you seek to help them change behavior that you wouldn't engage in yourself?

    I am all for allowing people to learn through experience. A person who is constantly told what to do will never learn life's lessons.

    With that being said, I always try my best to offer my input (if that's what he/she asked of us), and the rest is obviously up to them. People can read and take away what they want. We cannot control that.

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    Hi Marguerite, I think it’s all of these things!

    I haven’t been here all that long, but I have noticed that there's an excitement of the Ask E.Jean Advice website that is unique. This site allows a person to sustain the persona once they're away from the computer, once the computer is shut off.

    One reader, Miss Sparrow recently wrote how she had been wrongly accused at work by a superior and how she stood up, and did not accept the blame. She wrote that her confidence was a direct result of having been on the Ask E.Jean Advice website. I was very impressed by her ability to sustain her confidence off-line.

    This site is a strong community. A community that is vital, living and breathing. It has allowed individuals to become enabled, to become popular, to have nice things said, and to say nice things, to become a pop up super-site-star face, to be validated, or to be engaged in a particular behavior.

    This site, this community is a cyberspace reality that carries over into the off-line real world. I'm not saying that it replaces professional therapy, or that everyone who comes here will be moved into action like Miss Sparrow, but I find the possibilities refreshing & invigorating.

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    T.M. wrote: You probably handed him your keys earlier. IMAGINE.. haha.


    Couldn't be. Miami monkeys don't wear pink. They're afraid to be confused.

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    T.M. wrote: You probably handed him your keys earlier. IMAGINE.. haha.

    Be careful. The zoo is a big place, doll. You never know who knows what :)

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    I am here for support and to help others. I always feel that by helping others, I am always helping myself to grow and see things through the eyes of someone else.

    I am a professional model and actress, respected and well known in the plus size industry. After takings hundreds of pictures you get tired of the star site thingy. I have my own 'Dear Olga' column and as editor of a fab online magazine with a strong forum community I get enough validation there:)

    I love coming here and just letting my hair done. When I come here I am just 'Olga' a fat, yet beautiful Latin woman that enjoys being a wife, mother and gardner!!!!!


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    Robert wrote: Yes. At a wine tasting.


    Would have sworn it was that anger management class I had to take last summer.

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    Keka wrote: Couldn't be. Miami monkeys don't wear pink. They're afraid to be confused.

    At the wine tasting you were wearing pink.

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    Keka wrote: Would have sworn it was that anger management class I had to take last summer.

    I never get mad. Around attractive women I would NEVER EVER get mad. So, that was another monkey.

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    Robert wrote: At the wine tasting you were wearing pink.


    Don't come to Mother Monkey with green bananas. I haven't been to a wine tasting since I was innocent.

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    One simple question managed to turn into open Warfare?
    M. was justified in asking her idea of AV , advice group or support group. It is a support group for all those who are in dire need of advice from those who are more experienced. There are also people here, who want a validation of something they have already subconsciously decided to do. If they take the positive or negative advice of the AV Vixen and Wolverine pack , so much the better and more kudos to them.
    But this site is more of an interaction site.
    For all those who are searching for the elusive chimaera of star power and their place in the sun, possibly, the feeling of seeing your name on best Advice vixen may be enough to give you a smug glow of satisfaction while rousing the competive spirit of other contributors.
    I do not think E Jean had this sort of idea when she started the forum. She wanted a place where you could let your hair down and argue, interact, question, answer, feel amused and then go back to your place in the real world.
    For people who are using this forum as an all too brief escape from the realities of their sober sombre existence, and as a bid for "Hey, here I am, Pay attention" AV is a place where we occasionally tell them to pull up their socks and smell the coffee.
    Validating their half baked ideas or just giving them the thumbs down scornfully, is part and parcel of the fun, but if there is a genuine honest to goodness problem , see the whole team just gathering around with sincere sympathy and warm hearted , genuine support.
    And that is what AV is all about.



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    Keka wrote: Don't come to Mother Monkey with green bananas. I haven't been to a wine tasting since I was innocent.

    Hummm...when was that? Innocent girls and wine tastings are not a common mix, yes?

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    Nina wrote: One simple question managed to turn into open Warfare? M. was justified in asking her idea of AV , advice group or support group. It is a support group for all those who are in dire need of advice from those who are more experienced. There are also people here, who want a validation of something they have already subconsciously decided to do. If they take the positive or negative advice of the AV Vixen and Wolverine pack , so much the better and more kudos to them. But this site is more of an interaction site. For all those who are searching for the elusive chimaera of star power and their place in the sun, possibly, the feeling of seeing your name on best Advice vixen may be enough to give you a smug glow of satisfaction while rousing the competive spirit of other contributors. I do not think E Jean had this sort of idea when she started the forum. She wanted a place where you could let your hair down and argue, interact, question, answer, feel amused and then go back to your place in the real world. For people who are using this forum as an all too brief escape from the realities of their sober sombre existence, and as a bid for "Hey, here I am, Pay attention" AV is a place where we occasionally tell them to pull up their socks and smell the coffee. Validating their half baked ideas or just giving them the thumbs down scornfully, is part and parcel of the fun, but if there is a genuine honest to goodness problem , see the whole team just gathering around with sincere sympathy and warm hearted , genuine support. And that is what AV is all about.

    Good job.

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    I haven't been here too long, but for me, it's a learning experience as well as a way for me to help another person. I'm a psychology major and dealing with emotions is what I do. I view this site as both an advice group and a conversational group.

    If I'm able to help someone out with a little insight, then it's great. I truly want to help people. I spend my life listening to their problems. My shoulder has helped churn many tears, which in turn has helped many solve problems they've had for years. It's a great feeling, for me, to know that maybe I helped someone smile and just maybe forget their problems, even if it was for just a moment.

    Granted, the site doesn't allow for personal interaction, as in being able to sit one-on-one and talk out an issue. But that doesn't lessen my intentions or my personal obligation as a human being to help others.

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    I come here for the free food.

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    Bella wrote: That's the thing Juliet - it's not a war! It's just REALLY irritating when ahem, people come to vixens trying see what OUR motives are?? wtffffffff We helped make this site what it is, not that I/we want a round of applause, we just want the respect that comes with being a vixen. You seem to have it, others don't. I don't respect those that don't respect the Vixens. This place has literally saved me and I am eternally grateful for that.

    I have to agree Bella and Margarite you DO seems to just plain be mean spirited.

    How about you earn the respect of the people on this site stop questioning our motives and just play nice.

    I think you are very very smart and you very well know what you are asking and the uproar you WILL cause.

    We don't always agree and I for one have gotten into word fights with many vixens it just comes with the territory.

    Love & Peace

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    Karma wrote: Dear Theresa/AV1, SallyG, Keka, Scroll up: E.Jean wrote: I like your question, Miss Marguerite. I am flabbergasted I never asked it myself. So, can you just let people ANSWER the question?

    This annoys the fuck out of me, this is why I'm still debating whether I like you or not. Stop acting like my 5 year old dauthers schoolmate.

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    Chia wrote: This annoys the fuck out of me, this is why I'm still debating whether I like you or not. Stop acting like my 5 year old dauthers schoolmate.

    Peer rejection and low social acceptance are common antecedents to relationally indirect aggressive behaviors amongst young girls.

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    D
    Alek wrote: Peer rejection and low social acceptance are common antecedents to relationally indirect aggressive behaviors amongst young girls.

    Oh yeah, you definitely need a study break. :-)

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    D wrote: Oh yeah, you definitely need a study break. :-)

    God, you can tell, huh? Midterm in 9 hours... then I need to finish up a term paper tomorrow afternoon, then get drunk, then start on an 18 page Behemoth of a paper due in 9 days. And write an English paper somewhere in between there.

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    L
    I'm here for the PASSION!

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    D
    Alek wrote: God, you can tell, huh? Midterm in 9 hours... then I need to finish up a term paper tomorrow afternoon, then get drunk, then start on an 18 page Behemoth of a paper due in 9 days. And write an English paper somewhere in between there.

    That answer sounds like it's straight out of a text book, so yes, I can tell. GO GET SLEEP!

    Btw, if you want to bounce ideas for that large paper off of me, go ahead.

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    Mighty Marguerite,

    Your thoughtful questions prompted me to post on a night when I had no intention of doing so.

    Maybe the truth is that responding to you appealed to me more than working on a graduate school project I have due next week. Then again, I find the civility and sincerity with which most people respond to one another on “Advice Vixens” to be one of the most appealing facets of this site. So, maybe I am just here to support your right to pose legitimate questions. I confess that I was a little disheartened by some of the vicious responses this post received.

    I have only posed one question so far: To Wed or Not to Wed? I asked it, because I have analyzed the concept of marriage from many different angles at many different times during my life. This seemed like the perfect forum to get impartial, outside opinions. (You’ll be shocked to learn that my family sees me as sprinting toward spinsterhood.) I received 16 thought-provoking responses to which I briefly replied a week later. The beauty and simplicity of yours – fall in love, be in love, and stay in love – was the wisdom that made it into my quick “Thank You, Vixens” post.

    There was so much honesty in what you said, and I almost always favor truth. The only exceptions are wrapped gifts, surprise parties, and situations of similar context. In the interest of full disclosure, I should mention that I was one of those children who unwrapped and rewrapped presents placed too early under the Christmas tree.

    Truth, while often violent and cruel, need not be discussed in a brutal manner, particularly when that discussion occurs in an online public forum. The world that we leave our computer screens for is plenty harsh enough.

    So, yes, I do believe in the advice I’m giving. As often as possible, I pepper that advice with humor, because I trust that a vast array of research can’t be wrong: Laughter is good medicine. Better yet, it’s the least expensive pharmaceutical offered in America! From behind this Pollyanna’s rose-colored glasses that translates to “Win-Win.”

    To continue on the topic of truth, I introduced myself to “Advice Vixens” in pursuit of a position working for the site, as an assistant to E. Jean. So my goals here are to give advice, prompt conversation, and write well.

    That being said, I understand that most websites need readers to stay engaged and online in order to thrive. Many of your questions are evoking a significant level of response, Marguerite. So, you have unintentionally directed me to another question (or two) worth asking. For that, I thank you. Now, if my community linguistics analysis paper could talk, it might not be as appreciative as I am.

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    To be myself. Sometimes people need truth and sometimes they need to be slapped up side the head and told, "get a life!" and sometimes they just need to be heard.

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    Keka wrote: There should be a titillating font that clearly implies sarcasm, for some have the tendency to misinterpret it as flattery.

    That happens to me on Facebook. A lot. A font would be nice.

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    Ersatz wrote: I come here for the free food.

    LOL!!!

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    Alek wrote:

    Alek, I SO want to make out with you right now. A picture is truly worth a thousand words.

    I voted for yours as the best advice!

    reply to fayeruz
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    WOW! Vixens getting the knives out!

    What is going on? I was offline for a day because flu has now taken over my brain. I got up this morning and checked in to see if there was any new advice on when I could go back to the gym ( a moot point as right now I can't imagine mdoing much past going back to bed) and found
    OPEN WARFARE !!

    As to the advice/support dilemma- ACHOOO - brain is too slow. But why has no-one brought up the CL ad?


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    Alek wrote:

    For your sneeze :)

    reply to Juliet
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    This is not a post to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown aside with great force.*

    *You seem to be a Dorothy Parker aficionado, so figure it out.

    Darling Daisy,

    Think what you may of Theresa and "her group", but think twice before you spout out phrases like "alpha-dog" or whatever you posted up there. It's not about "being here the longest"!! It's about sticking around for a long amount of time and ALWAYS being there for others in need, it's about being consistently kind and caring towards others. Of course, if a person is like that - they will have a group of supporters - such as Theresa has on AV. We are not "her group" per se, we are people who like and respect her as a person and feel the need to stand up for her when the likes of you "attack" her for no good reason.

    Think twice, Daisy Dearest, before you speak/write derogatively of any person who has helped others out an infinite number of times. You have yet to prove your advice-giving skills as well as your bona fide intentions.

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    Marguerite,

    You don't have to be brutal to be honest. This is an advice group, but it's also a community. When I answer a question, I answer it the best I can. If I think someone is not handling a situation well or is going down the wrong path, I tell them as honestly as I can. But nor do I berate them because I have not been in their shoes. I do not know what has led to this or why they do the things they do. But I do feel like if I have something genuine that might be helpful to them, I answer. I don't think about tender feelings. However, not everyone has to be rudely spoken to or broken down and rebuilt for advice to be effective.

    reply to Greta
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    Iva wrote: This is not a post to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown aside with great force.* *You seem to be a Dorothy Parker aficionado, so figure it out. Darling Daisy, Think what you may of Theresa and "her group", but think twice before you spout out phrases like "alpha-dog" or whatever you posted up there. It's not about "being here the longest"!! It's about sticking around for a long amount of time and ALWAYS being there for others in need, it's about being consistently kind and caring towards others. Of course, if a person is like that - they will have a group of supporters - such as Theresa has on AV. We are not "her group" per se, we are people who like and respect her as a person and feel the need to stand up for her when the likes of you "attack" her for no good reason. Think twice, Daisy Dearest, before you speak/write derogatively of any person who has helped others out an infinite number of times. You have yet to prove your advice-giving skills as well as your bona fide intentions.

    Iva!!!! How are you, Girl?! I miss seeing your posts!

    reply to Lilo
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    Juliet wrote: For your sneeze :)

    BIG SNOTTY FANKS!

    reply to Tina
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    As far as I'm concerned it's advisory first, support second. Since a lot of the support seems voluntary and pretty much no strings attached, I'd see that as a positive.

    As for brutal, it's a matter of experience and perspective.

    This site is relatively civilized to sites where I've seen people talking about committing suicide being called animals and told to do it.

    I don't think "brutal" is productive. It's more often about people big noting themselves.

    If people want to foul their own nests, fine, nothing like a change of diet, but they shouldn't spoil it for everyone else.


    reply to Paul
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    Lilo wrote: Iva!!!! How are you, Girl?! I miss seeing your posts!

    Lilo!!! I just said hello to you on the "why do women cut their hair" post, well, anywho - a great BIG hello to you again, great to see a familiar face amongst all these new ones :D

    reply to Iva
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    Paul wrote: As far as I'm concerned it's advisory first, support second. Since a lot of the support seems voluntary and pretty much no strings attached, I'd see that as a positive. As for brutal, it's a matter of experience and perspective. This site is relatively civilized to sites where I've seen people talking about committing suicide being called animals and told to do it. I don't think "brutal" is productive. It's more often about people big noting themselves. If people want to foul their own nests, fine, nothing like a change of diet, but they shouldn't spoil it for everyone else.

    Good god, you're right...granted, I'm not thinking of 'advice' sites, per say, but just spend a little time on any other message board. This place seems like that United Nations in comparison to other boards the Interwebs has to offer.

    reply to Joshua
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    To be incredibly honest, the reason I am here is because I applied for a position, and one of the things mentioned is to pop on here and give advice.

    However- I already do that for a living to some degree. Sure, I have to throw around some tarot cards, but ultimately, if you're doing actual "tarot readings" and not fortune telling, you're giving advice.
    I enjoy helping people by being in the position of objective third party. I've been confused and hurting and found sometimes, that's the best thing for the situation.
    Sometimes, people just need support. So, there's your reason from me.

    As to mean spirited- while I think that pretty much anywhere on the internet, you're going to have trolls and people that snark and act mean.
    But then you have people who are just by nature, a bit less tactful.

    Joshua is right, though. This place is incredibly well mannered for a board of this nature.

    Also, having read through the comments, it's pretty clear that this was flamebait to a particular group- I'm new here and to be straight with you-
    on a site about advice and support these sort of catfights are best gone to emails and taken up privately.

    I might also say- objectively speaking, that particular group made it pretty clear why you'd make such a post. Up until I'd read their comments, I wasn't really sure what you were talking about.
    It's a shame when otherwise intelligent people go to refute and mock a post, and in doing so only prove the point of it.

    reply to Holly
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    Depends on my mood. Sometimes I'm supportive -- if someone's having significant problems and needs empathy and a shoulder to cry on, I can do that ... let them know they're not alone. Other times, they're just insipid or whiny or downright ignorant, and need a slap upside the head from my purple fingernails!

    I've been taken to task a couple of times -- some twit last night even told me I need therapy because I didn't coddle someone who was whining about the dry cleaner ruining a blouse, when there are INFINITELY more important things going on in the world that warrant the term "bad day." I try to show some perspective or a different way of looking at the situation, or just get someone's head out of his/her tushy when they have no clue. While everyone's (well, most people's!) opinions are valid and welcome, those of us who need to color our roots have earned those grey hairs, after all! Maybe, just maybe, we have some hard-won life experience to offer that doesn't necessarily involve a pat on the back and a lollipop.

    So, if you want to be coddled, so be it; but this is ADVICE Vixens, not blankie-and-thumb-sucking vixens, you know??? Don't ask if you're not prepared for the potential responses, though every effort should be made to be polite and civil (until you lose patience with argumentative and obstinant sorts, as I have). If all you ever do is consult "yes" men, how do you ever expect to learn and evolve???

    reply to Yenta Mary
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    Iva wrote: This is not a post to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown aside with great force.* *You seem to be a Dorothy Parker aficionado, so figure it out. Darling Daisy, Think what you may of Theresa and "her group", but think twice before you spout out phrases like "alpha-dog" or whatever you posted up there. It's not about "being here the longest"!! It's about sticking around for a long amount of time and ALWAYS being there for others in need, it's about being consistently kind and caring towards others. Of course, if a person is like that - they will have a group of supporters - such as Theresa has on AV. We are not "her group" per se, we are people who like and respect her as a person and feel the need to stand up for her when the likes of you "attack" her for no good reason. Think twice, Daisy Dearest, before you speak/write derogatively of any person who has helped others out an infinite number of times. You have yet to prove your advice-giving skills as well as your bona fide intentions.

    How do I hug you electronically? You said what I have been meaning to say since I read this post.

    reply to Cy
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    Cy wrote: How do I hug you electronically? You said what I have been meaning to say since I read this post.

    Thanks Cycy :) Here's a cyber hug right back at ya <3!

    reply to Iva
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    Yenta Mary wrote: Depends on my mood. Sometimes I'm supportive -- if someone's having significant problems and needs empathy and a shoulder to cry on, I can do that ... let them know they're not alone. Other times, they're just insipid or whiny or downright ignorant, and need a slap upside the head from my purple fingernails! I've been taken to task a couple of times -- some twit last night even told me I need therapy because I didn't coddle someone who was whining about the dry cleaner ruining a blouse, when there are INFINITELY more important things going on in the world that warrant the term "bad day." I try to show some perspective or a different way of looking at the situation, or just get someone's head out of his/her tushy when they have no clue. While everyone's (well, most people's!) opinions are valid and welcome, those of us who need to color our roots have earned those grey hairs, after all! Maybe, just maybe, we have some hard-won life experience to offer that doesn't necessarily involve a pat on the back and a lollipop. So, if you want to be coddled, so be it; but this is ADVICE Vixens, not blankie-and-thumb-sucking vixens, you know??? Don't ask if you're not prepared for the potential responses, though every effort should be made to be polite and civil (until you lose patience with argumentative and obstinant sorts, as I have). If all you ever do is consult "yes" men, how do you ever expect to learn and evolve???

    Though you are as much an egotistic bitch as even I can be, fuckin' A.

    reply to Alek
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    Greta wrote: Marguerite, You don't have to be brutal to be honest. This is an advice group, but it's also a community. When I answer a question, I answer it the best I can. If I think someone is not handling a situation well or is going down the wrong path, I tell them as honestly as I can. But nor do I berate them because I have not been in their shoes. I do not know what has led to this or why they do the things they do. But I do feel like if I have something genuine that might be helpful to them, I answer. I don't think about tender feelings. However, not everyone has to be rudely spoken to or broken down and rebuilt for advice to be effective.

    I concur.

    The older I get the more I have learnt that situations are not always black and white. Sometimes I have had to learn that PAINFULLY.

    Because of that I give advice on here carefully, hoping to give the poster a different perspective. Because at the end of the day that's what a person needs sometimes - A different perspective. Other times people want to be reassured.

    And on the rare occasion that the truth is as obvious as the light of day, we like to deliver it carefully and if necessary in small doses. That's why there's a very loyal and faithful group at the core of this website.

    reply to Cy
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    LyLy writes:

    I'm here for the PASSION!
    *******

    Excellent answer. I'm here with you on that!

    -----------

    Cheri writes:

    So, maybe I am just here to support your right to pose legitimate questions. I confess that I was a little disheartened by some of the vicious responses this post received.
    *******

    Don't be. What we write speaks to who we are. It goes for others as well as me. It's like a vanity license plate or bumper sticker. We are being prepared for what to expect, so that we may take the message with a grain of salt.

    I do find those who are quickest to brand, and name-call are most deserving of the names themselves. I could be wrong.

    Perhaps I'll post that question, to see how others feel about it?
    -----------

    Suzanna writes:

    To be myself. Sometimes people need truth and sometimes they need to be slapped up side the head and told, "get a life!" and sometimes they just need to be heard.
    *******

    Excellent point.
    --------------

    Iva writes:
    Think what you may of Theresa and "her group," but think twice before you spout out phrases like "alpha-dog" or whatever you posted up there. It's not about "being here the longest"!! It's about sticking around for a long amount of time and ALWAYS being there for others in need, it's about being consistently kind and caring towards others. Of course, if a person is like that - they will have a group of supporters - such as Theresa has on AV. We are not "her group" per se, we are people who like and respect her as a person and feel the need to stand up for her when the likes of you "attack" her for no good reason.
    *******

    I can understand what you're saying.

    But in order for you to understand what I say you'll have to read the posts in order.\\

    I asked a legitimate question that EJean herself welcomed and said she was flabbergasted she hadn't asked.

    Instead of answering, Theresa/AV1 and her regulars attacked my motives. It was she who brought up her length on this site, not me.

    I defended my position.

    You may translate my defense as an attack against you.

    That's your choice
    ----------

    Blondie writes:
    Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on? Can someone point me to this original question that Miss Marguerite posted?
    *********

    Dear Blondie,

    It was over 200 questions ago and I even I couldn't find it at this point.

    What matters now is this question.

    Please, let us know what you think.

    ---------------------

    Marianna writes
    I have to agree Bella and Margarite you DO seems to just plain be mean spirited.
    How about you earn the respect of the people on this site stop questioning our motives and just play nice.

    Love & Peace
    *********

    "Playing nice."

    Wasn't that the phrase coined in 2000 by the far political right, designed to control and quell the voice of the people while it raped this land of it's resources, confidence, privacy, freedom of speech, and -- some might say -- heart and soul?

    So, if I ask a legitimate question, that you and your comrades find mean-spirited, I'm not playing nice?

    Interesting approach.

    Good luck with that.
    ----------


    reply to Karma
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    DEAR EVERYONE,

    Let's say I wasn't the one to ask this question.

    If you scroll up you'll find EJean wrote:

    E.Jean wrote:
    I like your question, Miss Marguerite. I am flabbergasted I never asked it myself.

    So, let's say, EJean asked it, INSTEAD of me.

    Would you have answered differently?

    If yes, does that speak to your motives more than mine?





    reply to Karma
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    Paul wrote: As far as I'm concerned it's advisory first, support second. Since a lot of the support seems voluntary and pretty much no strings attached, I'd see that as a positive. As for brutal, it's a matter of experience and perspective. This site is relatively civilized to sites where I've seen people talking about committing suicide being called animals and told to do it. I don't think "brutal" is productive. It's more often about people big noting themselves. If people want to foul their own nests, fine, nothing like a change of diet, but they shouldn't spoil it for everyone else.

    Aha! I thought you were gone! I noticed that the number of people had dropped dramatically ( see other thread). Maybe they all got the flu like I did?

    reply to Tina
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    Good morning Ms. M.,

    Like some of the others above, I am here to help as a friend would. It is my belief that people post their dilemmas here to seek advice from a non-partisan perspective (yes, too much CNN has affected my word choice) without risk of judgment from people in their ‘real’ lives.

    Simply put, I am here to help, whether it’ to answer a distress call, give/receive a giggle or to come up with a movie title. I respond from my own personal experience in the most respectful, tactful and, where appropriate, humorous way that I can.

    I enjoy the camaraderie, the banter and the support given and received. It’s a cyber social club and I am a sociable person. I don’t always agree with what’s said and I don’t have a problem respectfully saying so.

    Sometimes the pot needs to get stirred so that the base ingredients don’t burn and fuse with the pot. Asking the existential question, "Why are we all here?" is a question worthy of contemplation.

    I certainly hope I've given you a thoughtful reply.

    Respectfully yours,
    Jen

    PS - I have never won a popularity contest, nor have I ever sought to. There will always be someone bolder, funnier and wittier than I could ever be. And good for them! We all have our place at the table.

    reply to Jen
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    Good morning Ms. M.,

    Like some of the others above, I am here to help as a friend would. It is my belief that people post their dilemmas here to seek advice from a non-partisan perspective (yes, too much CNN has affected my word choice) without risk of judgment from people in their ‘real’ lives.

    Simply put, I am here to help, whether it’ to answer a distress call, give/receive a giggle or to come up with a movie title. I respond from my own personal experience in the most respectful, tactful and, where appropriate, humorous way that I can.

    I enjoy the camaraderie, the banter and the support given and received. It’s a cyber social club and I am a sociable person. I don’t always agree with what’s said and I don’t have a problem respectfully saying so.

    Sometimes the pot needs to get stirred so that the base ingredients don’t burn and fuse with the pot. Asking the existential question, "Why are we all here?" is a question worthy of contemplation.

    I certainly hope I've given you a thoughtful reply.

    Respectfully yours,
    Jen

    PS - I have never won a popularity contest, nor have I ever sought to. There will always be someone bolder, funnier and wittier than I could ever be. And good for them! We all have our place at the table.

    reply to Jen
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    Okay, let me answer it as IF E. Jean asked it:

    Um, please see my post above.

    That's how I feel.

    Marguerite, what's with the drama, love? Life is tooo short. Let the drama go. You have survived huge tragedies and have so much to offer. As I said before, you are a smart woman, let us partake of your smarts.

    I'd love to be a bigger part of E. Jean's wisdom but that's not up to me. So rather than snapping off the loaner laptop I have that won't even allow me to post a bloody question, and going off mad that I'm not the Queen and everyone rushing to me and welcoming me with roses and candy (yum), I am finding myself drawn to this site every day, all day, and as I write and ponder my creative wickedly abundant life, I am thankful, no, I am appreciative to this site and to all who post their advice, support, and hiliriously rabid with life answers.

    reply to Sheela
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    Sheela wrote: Okay, let me answer it as IF E. Jean asked it: Um, please see my post above. That's how I feel. Marguerite, what's with the drama, love? Life is tooo short. Let the drama go. You have survived huge tragedies and have so much to offer. As I said before, you are a smart woman, let us partake of your smarts. I'd love to be a bigger part of E. Jean's wisdom but that's not up to me. So rather than snapping off the loaner laptop I have that won't even allow me to post a bloody question, and going off mad that I'm not the Queen and everyone rushing to me and welcoming me with roses and candy (yum), I am finding myself drawn to this site every day, all day, and as I write and ponder my creative wickedly abundant life, I am thankful, no, I am appreciative to this site and to all who post their advice, support, and hiliriously rabid with life answers.


    Thank you, Sheela, I liked the way you said it.


    MISS MARGUERITE, I THINK YOU GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!

    (dunno if you gonna get paid though)

    reply to Keka
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    Hello!

    I am here because I know that a dilemma can feel isolating. We're all so separated by fear and insecurities. I know that I come on here to let people know that they aren't alone in what they're feeling about their particular dilemmas. They have us. I can see how you would think this grants itself to enabling, but at the end of the day, isn't supporting someone really the only way to care? I'm all for honesty, and when it's appropriate I think the truth is necessary, but many times it seems obvious when people ask a question what they want their answer to be. I try to be supportive, give my point of view, and stay honest. That's all we can do.

    reply to Philip
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    I believe that people who post questions on this sight are not using it as the sole place to get their wisdom. I think they want objective opinions that they can incorporate into their own and the opinions of those close to them. As for the people with serious problems, I would advise them to seek advice from a professional.

    reply to Lorraine
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    Jen:

    Your response was excellent...I truly agree with what you said. Have a good one!

    reply to Elizabeth
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    Hi Miss Beth,

    I have tried to delete the second post. But that seems to delete both. So my only options are double-post or no post. I have discussed this with Theresa and she has assured me this will stop eventually. Hope it's before my 40th b-day, which is 3 yrs away. What a gift - I can't wait! I know it's annoying and I do apologize. But I can't make it stop!

    Staten Island may as well be another planet. It is the only place in the modern world where you will still see white upper-middle class women smoking cigarettes while pregnant. I am not joking. I only moved there for the good parking and lower rent. Okay, and so my husband could be closer to his children from the first wife. Now that they're grown, we're looking for a new planet.

    Any suggestions?

    reply to Jen
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    Hi Miss Beth,

    I have tried to delete the second post. But that seems to delete both. So my only options are double-post or no post. I have discussed this with Theresa and she has assured me this will stop eventually. Hope it's before my 40th b-day, which is 3 yrs away. What a gift - I can't wait! I know it's annoying and I do apologize. But I can't make it stop!

    Staten Island may as well be another planet. It is the only place in the modern world where you will still see white upper-middle class women smoking cigarettes while pregnant. I am not joking. I only moved there for the good parking and lower rent. Okay, and so my husband could be closer to his children from the first wife. Now that they're grown, we're looking for a new planet.

    Any suggestions?

    reply to Jen
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    Elizabeth wrote: Jen: Your response was excellent...I truly agree with what you said. Have a good one!

    Thanks Elizabeth! I am not above appreciating the validation!

    High-five!!

    reply to Jen
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    Elizabeth wrote: Jen: Your response was excellent...I truly agree with what you said. Have a good one!

    Thanks Elizabeth! I am not above appreciating the validation!

    High-five!!

    reply to Jen
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    Paul wrote: As far as I'm concerned it's advisory first, support second. Since a lot of the support seems voluntary and pretty much no strings attached, I'd see that as a positive. As for brutal, it's a matter of experience and perspective. This site is relatively civilized to sites where I've seen people talking about committing suicide being called animals and told to do it. I don't think "brutal" is productive. It's more often about people big noting themselves. If people want to foul their own nests, fine, nothing like a change of diet, but they shouldn't spoil it for everyone else.

    Well put Paul. What gain is there to agree with everyone else, when in truth you don't? It's not like we all know one another aside from here. In addition, the internet enables a lot of folks to toss aside social masks that they would normally wear in public.

    To answer your question Marguerite, I believe this site is about sharing experiences and learning that despite our many differences, we all put on our pants one leg at a time. People come here for upliftment and to gain new perspectives, not to get a sermon. I think some people take it all much too seriously. I don't think your question was a bad one, it was perhaps the tone of the words used that offended some people.

    reply to Evette
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    Dear All,

    As a West Coaster who went to bed early and just read through this monstrous post, I regret I am a little behind. I am new here and still sorting through all the personalities. However, as I intend to become a greater part of this community, I figured I'd throw myself into the mix.

    I initially came to AV pursuing a job. That being said, any advice, support, beauty tips, or retorts I offer come from a place that is sacred to me. I try to offer original ideas and a perspective my friends and family seem to seek all the time.

    Plus, I was put on this planet to express the humanity of our experience. If using terms like suckas, "girl," and Oh Hell No help me bring my point home, all the better.

    Additionally, I like seeing other PsOV. They inform my thinking for the next post.

    As for popularity, I was voted Funniest and Best Personality in High School, but secretly wished it had been Prettiest. That's another thread altogether. I'm not here to compete with anyone for anything. I am here to serve. xo

    reply to Kiki
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    Oh Miss Beth, I am a freak of nature! I just tried to delete the contents of my second post and it had absoutely no effect! ARGH!

    And we can't afford Manhattan prices or stress level! At this moment, we are in Asheville, NC. It's a whole city of Greenwich Village, or Park Slope (if you're familiar with Brooklyn, NY). We came just to check it out and see if this is the place for us to be.

    It's great and it's so much like NYC (minus the traffic) that we feel right at home! Downside? Lack of job opportunities.

    That stinks!

    reply to Jen
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    Oh Miss Beth, I am a freak of nature! I just tried to delete the contents of my second post and it had absoutely no effect! ARGH!

    And we can't afford Manhattan prices or stress level! At this moment, we are in Asheville, NC. It's a whole city of Greenwich Village, or Park Slope (if you're familiar with Brooklyn, NY). We came just to check it out and see if this is the place for us to be.

    It's great and it's so much like NYC (minus the traffic) that we feel right at home! Downside? Lack of job opportunities.

    That stinks!

    reply to Jen
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    Like Kiki and a few others, I came here as part of a cattle call for help from E.J. But in my short time here, I've found the community to be welcoming, which is great for all of us who depend on the kindness (and advice) of strangers.

    reply to Jodie
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    I think I LURVE Asheville, too! We don't really have anything keeping us in SI, except that we have jobs that pay actual money. Otherwise, WE HATE IT there!

    It seems there are an awful lot of waitresses and tour guides here in Asheville with masters degrees - not a good sign!


    reply to Jen
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    I think I LURVE Asheville, too! We don't really have anything keeping us in SI, except that we have jobs that pay actual money. Otherwise, WE HATE IT there!

    It seems there are an awful lot of waitresses and tour guides here in Asheville with masters degrees - not a good sign!


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    Karma wrote: Dear Theresa/AV1, I asked a valid question. You're telling me, not just how you feel, but what this site is about. To either get on board, and fall into line -- or else. You're implying that I must be agreeable according to your rules and regulations. But gawd forbid I suggest anything that might be of an underlying concern of others -- because if I do, you'll slap it right down, and tell me I don't understand, and don't belong. Well, I thought I made this clear. But apparently you don't understand. I'm not here seeking your approval. And, I could be wrong -- but I don't think just because you've been here the longest, this entire site, and every question posed, is about you, and yours. Nevertheless, I keep getting the feeling that you're the boss, you're the one in charge, you're the one making all the decisions, you're the alpha dog telling whoever to back down because, if not, you'll bite. The last time I asked a "contentious question" it got 160+ hits from people who did NOT agree with you. Your Rambo gang came after me like acid on skin. BUT AT LEAST 160 WALKING WOUNDED PEOPLE POSTING HERE DID NOT AGREE WITH YOU. Perhaps you're still pissed about that. That's fine. You go be pissed. But mine is a valid question. And, if even a few people want more from this site than they feel they're getting, they have a right to express that, without your permission, or intimidation, or any fear of being lambasted for asking. What you're saying to me is this site should remain stagnant, comfortable, without growth, or change, and be subjected to no input from anyone who doesn't meet your personal standards of agreeability, and that you've got your gang of regulars to make certain your law and order is maintained. Call me crazy, but I see that as E. Jean Carroll's prerogative. Not yours. So, as long as it's still HER site, I'll take the chance of being attacked by you and your followers for my curiosity, and refusing to conform to your perception of what a person is allowed to wonder. Or, not. And, guess what? Even if E. Jean Carroll asks me to leave in order to restore your order and maintain your control -- that's not a win for you. And, it's not a loss for me.

    Marguerite:

    As best as I can tell...all people are welcomed to speak on this site...You, Theresa, Sally G and many others post some of the most interesting threads I come across here....

    As each of us knows...we can always move on to a different thread....no one needs to feel there's a problem... :-)

    reply to Elizabeth
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    I can't believe I missed this thread.

    I'm here to be the effing Prom Queen. **please note sarcasm**

    I enjoy the site because it's a community of people from different backgrounds providing his/her take on an issue, whether it's advice, or a general question. We aren't professional therapists- I don't have PhD after my name. I respond to posts in which I feel I can hopefully help the person, or, at least, make one think about options given the particular situation.

    What you see of me here-is me in real life. I can have a sharp tongue, yet be one hell of a compassionate person. I'm honest in how I approach answering questions. I'm not here to be popular- I left my tiara in high school.

    I've also never seen Theresa try to be the boss of anyone here. I think this is something you're reading into-one of the worst habits you can pick up online.

    Enjoy the site, Marguerite. Life is too short to consume yourself with needing, or wanting acceptance. Be you- that's all any of us can ask.

    reply to Bad Beth And Beyond
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    I'm here to offer the best advice based on personal experience. Sometimes that doubles as support; other times, it serves as the honest-to-goodness truth

    reply to Margo
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    I think we all just wants to be heard (or in this case, read) This is a great rest stop on the internet highway, where you can get a read the menu, get a cup of joe and piece of the pie. No harm, no fouls.

    reply to Tahlulla
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    I mean 'want' to be heard, not want(s) - a place where we can correct our spelling!

    reply to Tahlulla
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    Karma wrote: Lynne writes: I treat A/V like a large group of friends. My friends tell me when I'm wrong, as I do them. My friends laugh with me for the sake of laughing and share good and bad times. While my friends are supportive, and I of them, none of us mind sharing an unpopular opinion once in a while. Oh, and sometimes I go to them for the exact opposite of validation...sometimes I want to be told I'm wrong and 'put in my place' before continuing on a validated path to destruction!! ********** Good point, Lynne. Oft times I flat out ask, "Do you want my opinion, or support?" And then I proceed accordingly.

    I am going to use that question marguerite! "Do you want my opinion or my support?" Excellent!

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    I'd answer it the same way as I did above.

    Secondly, I've yet to see you answer your own question outright. What I have seen, is you engaging in a petty pissing match with some other users here.
    Let it go, seriously.

    reply to Holly
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    Hi Marguerite: i don't think I have ever replied to one of your posts. I rarely come here anymore, mainly because most of my fav Vixens(Sonia, Frasco, Maggie) Rarely come here anymore, and because I am busier than ever. So even if you don't see me often, I've been here for 2+yrs. A month or 2 after it started.

    I have had, and she can attest to that, several confrontations with AV1. I felt all those things you are feeling. That she tries to control the site, that she gangs up against people....blah blah blah
    But do you care that much? I mean really. You don't even know these people. So don't get so worked out.

    I like this site a lot. Sometimes is advice, sometimes is just ventiing, some is just reading....I find it so interesting to find points of view completely different than mine.

    It's all good. We are a community, very diverse and unified at the same time.

    Don't take things too seriously, take the best and leave the rest.

    (If it makes you feel better, the well beloved Vixen Miss Beth, used to have a lot of "one on one's" with a lot of Vixens, but she stood firm and look,,,,she is a "respected" vixen now.

    reply to Ua
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    Hmm.. to answer the original question, I think what I find most appealing about this site is that we all clearly come from different backgrounds, lifestyles and experiences so inevitably we're going to have different takes on how to deal with a situation (even if those differences are slight).

    I look at it as: ok, here's a situation. How would I deal with it? And then I just shoot from the hip.

    There's nothing to be gained from lying about what I would or wouldn't do. I don't know any of these people outside of this site, so how would it benefit me not to be open and honest about my views and perspective?

    Who knows? As I visit the site more and develop relationships, certain opinions may hold more weight to me personally, but I don't find a sheep mentality appealing and I doubt anyone that I developed a relationship with would either. Better to just be straight up and honest--popular or not.

    Also-in answer to why I'm here? Sometimes it's nice to take the focus off myself and put it on someone else and their problems. It's not entirely selfless--sometimes I just need a break from ME! :-)

    reply to Nigel
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    One more thing, Marguerite,

    The Universe operates in an inclusive nature. So to answer your questions even more - everyone's answer or attempt or method, formula, or solution is included and should be.

    When the responses are laced with hatred or means to destroy rather than build up, then, and only then do I say 'toss'!


    reply to Sheela
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    To be blunt, I completely think of this site as an advice hotspot. Strangers from all over the world come here to seek the honest for goodness truth - at least that's how I see it. Some people can even opt out of putting their pic next to advice they seek out or give . . . and the whole anonymity factor is intriguing because you’re not living in fear of what someone will think of you if you say this or that. But I must acknowledge the fact that this site does have its regulars who are on a first-name basis, which can make the whole advice giving thing quickly take a 180 and steer down the “what my friend wants to hear” path – do so at your own risk.

    reply to Jocelyn
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    To be honest, I have stayed away from this thread because when I first got to it so many people had already challenged some of your assumptions.

    And then it grew, and it started to sound like YELLING. I felt like I was in a room full of people screaming at each other. And I thought, why do they need to hear from me too?

    But, the thing I love about this site is that everyone gets a chance to be heard. And that is not always true in this world.

    So, my two cents: Tone, tone, tone is everything. It is an interesting question you have raised, but your tone seems confrontational. I, too, come from a loud family, in which we argue all the time. But I try to come at people with an open mind.

    I don't think that the truth is always "brutal." The truth can be many things. I come here because I get to interact with people in very rare manner. We spill our truths and share our opinions, possibly because we aren't face to face, and we don't need anything from it.

    I don't need this, and I don't need validation. I just like being here because it allows me to get to know people, and I find that fascinating.

    Who doesn't want to be the priest in the confession booth, listening to people being honest with themselves? It gives me a lot of clarity about my own life. And, that is always a good thing.

    reply to Ersatz
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    I watched this thread unfold last night but haven't weighed in until now.

    To answer the question part of your post, M, I'm prone to give straightforward advice first. It's my nature. But there have been times when I've simply said, "wow, that sucks. hope it gets better."

    The past two weeks haven't been particularly problematic for me so I haven't posted asking for advice on anything painful, but if I do in the future, I want raw honest advice.

    So now that I've answered, I have to say you made some opinions clear in your post, so of COURSE you're going to rile up a few vixens. I say no fair playing innocent when that happens.


    reply to Bonnie
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    I try to give adivce on the things that I know about or have had experiences in. I try to be honest and compassionate, because when I ask a question, I'm looking for a genuine answer. The questions I have asked and seen asked, so far, seem to inspire very genuine and sometimes genius answers.

    reply to Lisa
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    Robynne wrote: Marguerite, I am so fascinated by the first part of your post: "Do you treat askEjean.com as more of an advice site? Or, a support group?" Maybe I'm misinterpreting it, but do you really think it's possible to give advice without also giving support? Do you think anyone listens to advice that comes without some sort of validation of the person who is struggling? What do you think is the difference between "advice" and "support"? Why does truth have to be "brutal"? And what makes you think that people are more likely to listen to it, if you present it that way? I'm no expert, but it seems to me pretty self-evident that when people are in struggling or in pain, they're not going to respond well to being beat up. If you really want to help someone, you need enough empathy to be able to present your advice so that they can let it in. As for the rest of it... I think the rest of the Vixens covered all of it pretty well.

    I agree with you Brynne. When people seek advice, they often want to receive it from someone who seemingly understands their dilemma. Yes, sometimes we all want the cold, hard truth. But perhaps in order for a Vixen to demonstrate they understand the advice seeker's quandary, they must side with them--to some extent--proving that they know a thing or two about their predicament. Only after showing that they've been in their position, or understand where the person is coming from, can they truly give advice that will be meaningful for the advice seeker.

    Perhaps Vixens sometimes appear as just "supporters" because they are attempting to first put themselves in the shoes of the advice seeker, and reaffirm that YES, this IS a problem. Usually people become defensive, and unwilling to accept feedback if it is chucked at them in the form of verbal daggers.

    reply to Aliya
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    What a fascinating discussion!

    My experience with support groups is that there are always people involved who are needier than others--and there are always people involved who feel their wisdom is of great value. The people who have been of the greatest benefit to me, personally, are the ones who are not in a rush to share their experience, strength, and hope unless they truly feel they have something unique to share that will benefit the recipient.

    In other words, people who talk just for the sake of hearing their own voice have been of little value to me whether seeking advice, venting, or crowing about my achievements (which is another really important aspect of a support group, in my opinion--being able to share successes as well as concerns!). By the same token, people who are just there (I guess online this would be a lurker) may not have much to add, but a lot to take away from discussions at hand.

    What's important to remember, then, in my mind, is that while one person's advice might be meaningless blather to me, it might really resonate with someone who isn't being vocal at all, about a similar situation. That being said, I think it's important to remain respectful of everyone involved in any given conversation, and that includes being considerate enough not to try to dominate the conversation with one's own opinions.

    Advice is so personal and important, and people who give it to others they feel they know often feel as vulnerable as the person asking the question. If it's not received gracefully, that can set up hard feelings among the individuals involved, and while this is only human, I do believe there should be room for everyone who wants to be involved to stay involved, even after hurt feelings occur. If you truly desire to be part of a community, whether it is a small group in person or a potentially huge group online like AdviceVixens, respect should be rule #1.

    I don't blame you for asking this question, because it gave so many people the opportunity to speak their hearts about why they are here. I am new here, but I hope that though my reasons for being here may differ from others, whatever my needs are on any given day can be respected as my own concern--and I hope that I have the strength to be responsible for getting into or gracefully out of conversations where I may/may not be helping.

    I like to help--I seem to never lack opinions--but hopefully stepping on toes isn't the dance I'm seen doing the most!

    reply to Leslea
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    For what its worth, I told a balding guy that balding DOES matter a little (whereas many said, "Oh no, it doesn't matter all. It's the inside that counts and love and kisses.")

    Of course, most would say that they were telling their truth but I got the sense that everyone wanted him to feel all warm and fuzzy and accepted.

    reply to Beth
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    Brandi wrote: I've never been one to need super star status from the kudos of others. Every piece of advice or any comment I make is heart-felt and honest. It may not always be what the other person wants to hear but, it's always my honest take on the matter. When I first came to the site, I was a bit perplexed; it seemed there were a lot of questions that were asked that weren't advice-seeking. Since then, I've learned what this site is about. Community. Give and take. And sometimes that means advice-giving, sometimes that means lending a shoulder to cry on and sometimes that merely means joking and having a good time. Regardless, we are a community of caring, passionate individuals. And that is what is important.

    Hear, hear, Brandi! I couldn't agree more...sure we all have fun with each other but there is a clear line between the need for true advice and just some knocking about aimlessly or worse - trying to cause trouble.

    For me, I look at it like a big ole warm and fuzzy support group. Sure I LOVE to make jokes, but my goal is to infuse each with true, heart-felt advice that hopefully brings a smile and a sense of, "oh yeah - I never looked at it that way..."

    But as we know there are also times when there is no room for a joke. Some people need serious guidance and as this group hangs with each other and grows closer - as close as we can in this environment - we roll our sleeves up and embark upon a rescue mission.

    So that's my take - what I believe this is all about. And I will continue on with you all as long as you'll have me...maybe even a little longer!

    All of you (with few exceptions) are terrific and I am proud to be here with you and very glad that I found you.

    To quote Fred Willard in the great film Roxanne: "I'd rather be here with you people...than with the FINEST people in the world!!" ;o)

    Cheers!

    reply to jeffela
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    Vanilla Beth writes:

    I enjoy the site because it's a community of people from different backgrounds providing his/her take on an issue, whether it's advice, or a general question. We aren't professional therapists- I don't have PhD after my name. I respond to posts in which I feel I can hopefully help the person, or, at least, make one think about options given the particular situation.

    What you see of me here-is me in real life. I can have a sharp tongue, yet be one hell of a compassionate person. I'm honest in how I approach answering questions. I'm not here to be popular- I left my tiara in high school.
    I've also never seen Theresa try to be the boss of anyone here. I think this is something you're reading into-one of the worst habits you can pick up online.

    Enjoy the site, Marguerite. Life is too short to consume yourself with needing, or wanting acceptance. Be you- that's all any of us can ask.:
    *********

    Dear VixenVB,

    You make some very valid points. Thank you.

    I'm not certain Theresa and Theresa AV1 are the same person, but is TheresaAV1 and I who have disagreed the most and I'm content to let my words speak for me, and hers for her.

    Acceptance?

    Nobody ever accused me of feeling a need to be accepted. Yikes! Egad!

    This is who I am. When I err, I apologize for the error.

    But not for who I am. Popular?

    Pshaw!

    -------

    Margo writes:

    I'm here to offer the best advice based on personal experience. Sometimes that doubles as support; other times, it serves as the honest-to-goodness truth
    ****

    No one should expect, nor ask for more than that.

    And honest-to-goodness truth is a much better phrase than brutal honesty.

    Thank you for that!
    ------------


    Tahlulla writes:
    I think we all just want to be heard (or in this case, read) This is a great rest stop on the internet highway, where you can get a read the menu, get a cup of joe and piece of the pie. No harm, no fouls.
    *****

    Nobody could argue with that, MzT.

    I love your name, as well as the actress best known for it Tahlulla Bankhead (although she may have spelled it differently?)

    I'm reminded of a late friend, Ted Hook, who was Ms Bankhead's personal secretary for an eternity. When she died, he opened a nightclub in Manhattan named Ted Hook's Backstage.

    His favorite story was of how Tahlulla loved to dress to the 9's, then mount the piano and sing, after which she'd stand on her head to reveal she was wearing no panties.

    Naughty girl, she.

    heeheehee
    ------------


    Jenna writes:

    I am going to use that question Marguerite! "Do you want my opinion or my support?" Excellent!
    *********
    Dear Jenna,

    I cannot EXAGGERATE how much trouble you'll stay out of that way!
    --------

    Holly writes:

    I'd answer it (the question originally posted) same way as I did above.

    Secondly, I've yet to see you answer your own question outright. What I have seen, is you engaging in a petty pissing match with some other users here.

    Let it go, seriously.
    ********

    Dear Holly,

    I originally signed on as part of an application for a paid position. TheresaAV1 answered my application to EJean with a list of requirements and expectations, that I answered in kind.

    She then took offense to one of my answers directed at a friend of hers, referenced me as an EJean suck-up, queen bee wanna be, exposed me as an applicant, and insinuated that, since I was offending EJeans favorite writers, I hadn't a chance in hell of being chosen for the job.

    So, I guess you could say this is my chance in hell.

    With that comes my credentials, and my genuine interest in people. All kinds, shapes, forms, and anger levels.

    Any writer worth her weight in words knows, in sharing one's life, you learn about the life of others. And if you ever hope to write well, learning is essential, and ongoing.

    Yes, I might ruffle a few feathers on a gazillion birds, but if I can connect with a few by learning something anew, while maybe being able to offer something in exchange -- that's a reward beyond riches.

    Say what you may about this post that, like others, has taken on a life of it's own -- the answers, the views, the emotions, the rhetoric, the action and reaction is all invaluable to any who seek to understand others, better.

    -----------

    Ua/Lola writes:

    Hi Marguerite: i don't think I have ever replied to one of your posts. I rarely come here anymore, mainly because most of my fav Vixens(Sonia, Frasco, Maggie) Rarely come here anymore, and because I am busier than ever. So even if you don't see me often, I've been here for 2+yrs. A month or 2 after it started.

    I have had, and she can attest to that, several confrontations with AV1. I felt all those things you are feeling. That she tries to control the site, that she gangs up against people....blah blah blah

    But do you care that much? I mean really. You don't even know these people. So don't get so worked out.

    I like this site a lot. Sometimes is advice, sometimes is just ventiing, some is just reading....I find it so interesting to find points of view completely different than mine.

    It's all good. We are a community, very diverse and unified at the same time.

    Don't take things too seriously, take the best and leave the rest.

    (If it makes you feel better, the well beloved Vixen Miss Beth, used to have a lot of "one on one's" with a lot of Vixens, but she stood firm and look,,,,she is a "respected" vixen now.

    ***********

    Thanks Ua/Lola,

    I hope you tell your friends to get back here!

    As it happens, I feel a certain affinity with Miss Beth. (Hope she doesn't mind.) I look for her questions, and value her posts.

    But she doesn't strike me as someone who was out to gain the respect of anyone, rather, she stands her ground. If she's given respect based on that, then it's well deserved. If not, it's long overdue.
    -----------

    Nigel writes:

    I think what I find most appealing about this site is that we all clearly come from different backgrounds, lifestyles and experiences so inevitably we're going to have different takes on how to deal with a situation (even if those differences are slight).

    I look at it as: ok, here's a situation. How would I deal with it? And then I just shoot from the hip.

    There's nothing to be gained from lying about what I would or wouldn't do. I don't know any of these people outside of this site, so how would it benefit me not to be open and honest about my views and perspective?

    Who knows? As I visit the site more and develop relationships, certain opinions may hold more weight to me personally, but I don't find a sheep mentality appealing and I doubt anyone that I developed a relationship with would either. Better to just be straight up and honest--popular or not.

    Also-in answer to why I'm here? Sometimes it's nice to take the focus off myself and put it on someone else and their problems. It's not entirely selfless--sometimes I just need a break from ME! :-)
    *********

    Exceptional answer, Nigel. You're a valuable asset here.
    ----------------


    Sheela writes:

    One more thing, Marguerite,

    The Universe operates in an inclusive nature. So to answer your questions even more -- everyone's answer or attempt or method, formula, or solution is included and should be.

    When the responses are laced with hatred or means to destroy rather than build up, then, and only then do I say 'toss'!
    ***********

    I hear you, Sheela. You make a very good point.

    But I say: learn.

    Life is the lesson of the day. There's always something to learn from others, especially those who find you unappealing.
    ---------



    reply to Karma
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    Within this website a variety of personalities reside and you are bound to get a variety of reactions/advice that you may or may not agree with. I am new but I question anyone's motive to offend an advice-seeker. A valid question was asked and valid, honest answers were given. If it is the passion that brings you here, be prepared for passionate responses that you may or may not like.


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    Beth wrote: For what its worth, I told a balding guy that balding DOES matter a little (whereas many said, "Oh no, it doesn't matter all. It's the inside that counts and love and kisses.") Of course, most would say that they were telling their truth but I got the sense that everyone wanted him to feel all warm and fuzzy and accepted.

    Fuzzy is exactly what he wants, Beth! Lots of fuzzy wuzzy on his head. Love your analogy!

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    Karma wrote: Vanilla Beth writes: I enjoy the site because it's a community of people from different backgrounds providing his/her take on an issue, whether it's advice, or a general question. We aren't professional therapists- I don't have PhD after my name. I respond to posts in which I feel I can hopefully help the person, or, at least, make one think about options given the particular situation. What you see of me here-is me in real life. I can have a sharp tongue, yet be one hell of a compassionate person. I'm honest in how I approach answering questions. I'm not here to be popular- I left my tiara in high school. I've also never seen Theresa try to be the boss of anyone here. I think this is something you're reading into-one of the worst habits you can pick up online. Enjoy the site, Marguerite. Life is too short to consume yourself with needing, or wanting acceptance. Be you- that's all any of us can ask.: ********* Dear VixenVB, You make some very valid points. Thank you. I'm not certain Theresa and Theresa AV1 are the same person, but is TheresaAV1 and I who have disagreed the most and I'm content to let my words speak for me, and hers for her. Acceptance? Nobody ever accused me of feeling a need to be accepted. Yikes! Egad! This is who I am. When I err, I apologize for the error. But not for who I am. Popular? Pshaw! ------- Margo writes: I'm here to offer the best advice based on personal experience. Sometimes that doubles as support; other times, it serves as the honest-to-goodness truth **** No one should expect, nor ask for more than that. And honest-to-goodness truth is a much better phrase than brutal honesty. Thank you for that! ------------ Tahlulla writes: I think we all just want to be heard (or in this case, read) This is a great rest stop on the internet highway, where you can get a read the menu, get a cup of joe and piece of the pie. No harm, no fouls. ***** Nobody could argue with that, MzT. I love your name, as well as the actress best known for it Tahlulla Bankhead (although she may have spelled it differently?) I'm reminded of a late friend, Ted Hook, who was Ms Bankhead's personal secretary for an eternity. When she died, he opened a nightclub in Manhattan named Ted Hook's Backstage. His favorite story was of how Tahlulla loved to dress to the 9's, then mount the piano and sing, after which she'd stand on her head to reveal she was wearing no panties. Naughty girl, she. heeheehee ------------ Jenna writes: I am going to use that question Marguerite! "Do you want my opinion or my support?" Excellent! ********* Dear Jenna, I cannot EXAGGERATE how much trouble you'll stay out of that way! -------- Holly writes: I'd answer it (the question originally posted) same way as I did above. Secondly, I've yet to see you answer your own question outright. What I have seen, is you engaging in a petty pissing match with some other users here. Let it go, seriously. ******** Dear Holly, I originally signed on as part of an application for a paid position. TheresaAV1 answered my application to EJean with a list of requirements and expectations, that I answered in kind. She then took offense to one of my answers directed at a friend of hers, referenced me as an EJean suck-up, queen bee wanna be, exposed me as an applicant, and insinuated that, since I was offending EJeans favorite writers, I hadn't a chance in hell of being chosen for the job. So, I guess you could say this is my chance in hell. With that comes my credentials, and my genuine interest in people. All kinds, shapes, forms, and anger levels. Any writer worth her weight in words knows, in sharing one's life, you learn about the life of others. And if you ever hope to write well, learning is essential, and ongoing. Yes, I might ruffle a few feathers on a gazillion birds, but if I can connect with a few by learning something anew, while maybe being able to offer something in exchange -- that's a reward beyond riches. Say what you may about this post that, like others, has taken on a life of it's own -- the answers, the views, the emotions, the rhetoric, the action and reaction is all invaluable to any who seek to understand others, better. ----------- Ua/Lola writes: Hi Marguerite: i don't think I have ever replied to one of your posts. I rarely come here anymore, mainly because most of my fav Vixens(Sonia, Frasco, Maggie) Rarely come here anymore, and because I am busier than ever. So even if you don't see me often, I've been here for 2+yrs. A month or 2 after it started. I have had, and she can attest to that, several confrontations with AV1. I felt all those things you are feeling. That she tries to control the site, that she gangs up against people....blah blah blah But do you care that much? I mean really. You don't even know these people. So don't get so worked out. I like this site a lot. Sometimes is advice, sometimes is just ventiing, some is just reading....I find it so interesting to find points of view completely different than mine. It's all good. We are a community, very diverse and unified at the same time. Don't take things too seriously, take the best and leave the rest. (If it makes you feel better, the well beloved Vixen Miss Beth, used to have a lot of "one on one's" with a lot of Vixens, but she stood firm and look,,,,she is a "respected" vixen now. *********** Thanks Ua/Lola, I hope you tell your friends to get back here! As it happens, I feel a certain affinity with Miss Beth. (Hope she doesn't mind.) I look for her questions, and value her posts. But she doesn't strike me as someone who was out to gain the respect of anyone, rather, she stands her ground. If she's given respect based on that, then it's well deserved. If not, it's long overdue. ----------- Nigel writes: I think what I find most appealing about this site is that we all clearly come from different backgrounds, lifestyles and experiences so inevitably we're going to have different takes on how to deal with a situation (even if those differences are slight). I look at it as: ok, here's a situation. How would I deal with it? And then I just shoot from the hip. There's nothing to be gained from lying about what I would or wouldn't do. I don't know any of these people outside of this site, so how would it benefit me not to be open and honest about my views and perspective? Who knows? As I visit the site more and develop relationships, certain opinions may hold more weight to me personally, but I don't find a sheep mentality appealing and I doubt anyone that I developed a relationship with would either. Better to just be straight up and honest--popular or not. Also-in answer to why I'm here? Sometimes it's nice to take the focus off myself and put it on someone else and their problems. It's not entirely selfless--sometimes I just need a break from ME! :-) ********* Exceptional answer, Nigel. You're a valuable asset here. ---------------- Sheela writes: One more thing, Marguerite, The Universe operates in an inclusive nature. So to answer your questions even more -- everyone's answer or attempt or method, formula, or solution is included and should be. When the responses are laced with hatred or means to destroy rather than build up, then, and only then do I say 'toss'! *********** I hear you, Sheela. You make a very good point. But I say: learn. Life is the lesson of the day. There's always something to learn from others, especially those who find you unappealing. ---------

    True...the greatest learning for me is to know the difference. Toss the bad behavior, not the person. Live and let live as my Pops used to say.

    Now, let's have some fun!

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    Sheela writes:
    True...the greatest learning for me is to know the difference. Toss the bad behavior, not the person.
    ********

    I applaud you.


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    Tina wrote: Aha! I thought you were gone! I noticed that the number of people had dropped dramatically ( see other thread). Maybe they all got the flu like I did?

    Nah, I don't get diseases, and they have to pay a fee, fill in a form and apply to get me.

    Much more bureaucratic, so it works out well.

    reply to Paul
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    WRONG, Marguerite, I never gave you a list of requirements and expectations, ever, that is something you created in your head and have continued to perpetuate on every one of your redundant threads.

    You were writing post after post and thread after thread of contentious, obsequious, obviously biting things about the people who are regulars here and you didn't like me calling you out on it.

    I have the right to do that, as does everyone else on this site that you constantly call to task for not answering whatever inflammatory question you pose.

    I did not out you. You outed yourself. I commented that your behavior was preposterous for someone who was probably applying for a job here, as 99.9% of the new people were, which was the unvarnished truth.

    You are assigning every comment made to you to me, which you have done to others, as well. You really need to calm yourself down and get your story straight.

    The last thing I have to say to you is, since you love to validate your silliness with the comment E. Jean left on one of your never-ending posts, might I point out that she HIRED me to do a job so obviously I'm lightyears ahead of the place you seem to think I am/belong.

    reply to ehvwon
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    Paul wrote: Nah, I don't get diseases, and they have to pay a fee, fill in a form and apply to get me. Much more bureaucratic, so it works out well.

    Paul ~ can you give me a link to one of the sites you write for? I went back to bookmark one today ... and I can't find the thread.

    Sorry about that.

    reply to Sally G.
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    Samantha wrote: This is a rhetorical question--it's clear what you think of the poeple who post here, and it's clear how people will respond. There's no need for this thread.

    In retrospect, this is a slammin' good response, Samantha.

    reply to Sheela
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    Interesting reading all the responses! I too came here because I read about the E. Jean job, having been a big fan of Auntie E's sassiness in Elle. Before applying I wanted to see what the community was all about. What I found was exciting to me: I found a diverse group of vixens, both male and female, all with their own personalities and points of view. The site's underlying positive and inclusive attitude was very appealing to me.

    Now, I'm hooked! Though I read most of the questions some I do not comment on because I do not want to get involved in unnecessary controversy. But of all of the webboards/blogs/etc I have read, this one is definitely one of most positive and respectful of individuals.

    I am loving the advice I am getting from all the vixens, and I enjoy giving it just as much. I try to give my advice in the most positive, and sometimes, amusing way possible. I enjoy that about the vixies: you can give constructive advice without being mean or discouraging about it. I come here because I enjoy the banter, the commentary, and the insights!

    reply to Diva
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    MARGIE!

    YOUR LACK OF LOVE HAS YOU NOT RUNNING ON ALL FOUR CYLINDERS, BUT OLD CHEN KNOWS YOU JUST NEED GOOD DICK TO FEEL A LITTLE BETTER. COME TO DADDY. I'LL CLOSE MY EYES AND DO IT FOR THE SAKE OF E. JEAN'S SITE .

    SHIT HA!

    reply to Master Hunglo
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    Marguerite,
    I genuinely try to give people good advice that they can use. However, ever person is different. They are going to do what they want to. I do think that you need to lighten up a bit though. Too serious all the time can be a little boring! Take time to enjoy life!

    reply to Connie
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    I didn't know about this site until I read the job post. But since I have been on it, I have come to find that it is a great one. I will agree that I haven't been on as much as I had planned, but things in my own life are going haywire!!!!!!!!

    If I was asking for advice, which you never know I might here soon, I want people to tell me their honest opinions. If I didn't need advice, then I wouldn't ask for it. Since everyone has different personalities, then you get different points of view on a situation. Some you may can use, some you may not. I like having several points of view on something before dealing with a problem.

    Sometimes it is good to get away from your own problems and help someone else. It gives you a different perspective on your own problems.

    reply to Brandi
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    I will answer your question, Marguerite, and I will also give you some advice:

    It has been my observation that the site is so endeared to so many because not only can the most troubled seek advice from a variety of sources with diverse backgrounds, but the questions can also be lighthearted, fun, irreverent and kooky.

    There is a sense of community. There's a sense of meaningfulness in that the responses given can make a real difference. Most important, there is a sense that those here have a voice. A voice that matters.

    In that spirit, and because you have asked, I will be gently honest with you. Take a step back and objectively look at your written words:

    "It seems to me, many questions posed here are from people in seriously troubled situations.

    But instead of the majority taking the chance of being ridiculed, or called meanspirited (or worse), the silent, understood group agreement is to encourage the petitioner to continue down whatever path she's chosen."

    Does this sound like the words of someone truly asking a sincere question?

    Or does it sound like judging?

    I've so enjoyed it here because of people's varied backgrounds and their different take on topics. There are the serious, the lighthearted, the sassy, the brassy, the angry, the shy -- all of them with a voice.

    Your voice as valuable as everyone else's. You handle contention well. It's admirable. However, do realize that not only did you pose a question(s), you judged the people who would be answering before they even answered.

    I hope my advice hasn't been brutal. I meant it kindly.

    reply to J.J.
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    I"m here to share. Whether it is advice, ideas, experiences, anything. It is a great place and good collection of individuals with a wide range of experiences and knowledge.

    reply to T.
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    I am trying to give others the benefit of my wisdom, such as it is, and my experience. I share out of a sense of empathy and compassion and the knowledge that just one person can change the course of another's life, if it is meant to be.

    reply to jeannie`
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    D
    I'll admit I haven't read all 200 responses. Just too much. But as to the original question, I've asked plenty of questions on here and I've given a lot of advice, and I have to say my answer to your question is: All of the above.

    Sometimes I need brutal truth, sometimes I just need to know I'm not alone with whatever I'm going through, sometimes I need to throw out a situation and see how others view it because I'm clearly not seeing something I need to see. Other times I've thrown out questions that aren't so serious (like the romantic songs question) just for the purpose of engaging people and having some community participation. Still, despite the levity of the question, I got amazing advice of great songs to listen to (and yes, I am listening to all of them, slowly but surely). It IS nice to know you're part of a community of friends and that for the most part, people remember situations you've mentioned in the past and temper their advice around that. That's not popularity, that's caring and consideration and I like that.

    As for my advice, I've got a rep here as being rather direct. In fact, I asked this awhile ago when I had a situation that upset me, and the consensus was that I'm direct, but I can be harsh when necessary. I think I can also be compassionate and caring when necessary. It depends upon the situation, always.

    Do I believe in the advice I give? Absolutely and completely. I wouldn't give it if I didn't believe it. I've given advice that is completely opposite to what the majority is offering, but to be honest, just because the majority offers similar advice doesn't mean it's wrong.

    Either way, this is JUST an advice site, and the beauty of it is that unlike an advice column (sorry E) you get a LOT of advice. You get to pick and choose which suits your situation best and use it. And the rest? Well, appreciate that someone cared and ignore it.


    reply to D
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    I never ask a question that I don't want a sincere answer to. I've seen too any people play games that way. Mean what you say; say what you mean. And with that being so, I realize that some people are looking for real, honest advice. So I will be honest and sincere when giving advice or making a suggestion.

    You can generally tell if someone is seriously seeking advice. Some people want the truth...and some people want to hear what they want to hear. But, as I was told, you get what you paid for..and in this case, you are not paying for the advice being offered, so you have to be wiling to accept that everyone is not the same and you may not see the answer you were hoping for.

    In any case, I believe if you are going to give advice, at least be honest and conscientious about it. Not everyone can handle a flippant answer or smug remark. Be willing to give what you would expect in return.

    reply to Rue
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    Hi Marguerite,
    I do not claim to have all of the answers to life’s questions. However, my personal life mission is about helping others to overcome fear, and embrace hope through the tool of writing.

    I have tried to use my own life lessons and experiences as points of reference in sharing my own personal pearls of wisdom.

    I am not here to be clever and witty, or to tell people what they want to hear. I am sharing what I have learned on my journey thus far with the hope that something I say will touch one of the readers on a profound level, and be a reminder not to give up.

    With my current clients, and the time and effort it takes to generate new business – I am not able to log on as much as I would like. However, rather than quantity time, I hope that I can provide quality time, when I am visiting the Advice Vixens site.

    reply to Angel
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    At this point, I'm fairly certain YOU are the one who desires to have that validation and super-site-star status... since every time I've come to this site in the last 2 weeks, YOUR face pops up. Including that one thread which didn't go the way you wanted so you tried to bring it back to life with a new post.

    If you don't like an answer, move on. Nobody here is under any obligation to answer any questions from anyone. I think you have a lot of balls to be so demanding of total strangers. And for someone who claims to have "an uncanny ability to sense the truth in others" from my perspective, you seem to have a great knack for ignoring people's truths and questioning their motives and only responding politely to the people who agree with you.

    reply to Whistlebait
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    No, Miss Beth stood in her ground. She is so cool and Alek can attest that

    reply to Ua
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    At the zoo we have an expression "Beating a dead horse."

    reply to Robert
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    Love it. I'm relatively new to the site, and am slowly becoming an addict.

    Anyways, to your question. I think it's a great site, like "D" said, for people to come together to have fun and ask serious questions. I think sometimes we need to know that others struggle with the same issues and insecurities as we do. It's a site where we can be candid about what's going on in our lives, and the issues we with which we deal.

    As for validation, I think anyone will seek what they want from the site: whether encouragement or validation. Yet, I would encourage others to seek validation from a truer source: yourself and those closest to you. And if you have a faith, God.

    Finally, for whatever reasons we are all here: I don't know. I think people ask questions with a serious frame of mind, and I think that people give answers with a serious mindset and advice.

    As for behavioural change: that's each person's own responsibility. Thanks for asking a question that really challenges!

    reply to Krystal
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    I don't see why one couldn't do all of those things that you listed. And because the site is open for anyone to dispense their version of the truth, at any given moment a question may receive responses motivated by any number of experiences. Who am I to judge? By posting a dilemma, I'm opening myself up to hear: Jump, Kill, Love, Fly, Marry, Divorce, or Die. It's every vixens prerogative to honor how she feels.

    I believe that most of the advice/support comes from a good place. But so what if someone wants to see their name in lights? And what if someone wants to advise against behavior that they deem unfit? And Is it wrong if you want to make people feel good about themselves?

    In everything that we do, we are motivated by different circumstances. They dictate how we think, act, feel and live. And that my friends is the beauty of it all. Cheers to us all--enablers, maternal-types, funny bunnies , and of course staunch republicans!

    We're always in a hurry to define others, ourselves and our roles. Maya Angelou said she hears people say I'm a christian, or im buddhist, etc. and she answers "already?" She's 80+ and still trying to get there! Don't always strive to arrive, enjoy the journey and feel free to change at moments notice!

    Disclaimer: This post was not intended to evoke any ill-will for anyone of a specific religious, or political background. No feelings were harmed in the formulation of this opinion.

    reply to Aaahhh!!!
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    Robert wrote: At the zoo we have an expression "Beating a dead horse."

    OH HAI DR. BOB!!!!!!!!

    funny pictures of cats with captions
    more animals

    reply to Juliet
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    TheresaAV1 writes:

    The last thing I have to say to you is, since you love to validate your silliness with the comment E. Jean left on one of your never-ending posts, might I point out that she HIRED me to do a job so obviously I'm lightyears ahead of the place you seem to think I am/belong.
    *********

    Whatever you say, Theresa. Whatever you need to believe, and whatever you need others to believe. I'm certain you're certain it's true.

    Nevertheless, I think you've behaved unprofessionally.

    You work for EJean, with access to application information, and you continue to use that position to imply that without your approval, I have no chance at landing this job.

    In my opinion, that represents a misuse of power, a misuse of position, and a misuse of the information entrusted to you in confidence.

    As for my "silliness with the comment E. Jean left on one of your never-ending posts," this is the post, Theresa.

    THIS IS THE POST.

    And, once again:

    Ejean writes:
    I like your question, Miss Marguerite. I am flabbergasted I never asked it myself.

    Your own boss approves of the post, yet you continue to sign on and lash out at me for asking it.

    I wonder if you even understand how valuable the question was, and invaluable the answers given here are to EJean.

    How knowing your audience, knowing their expectations, and meeting their needs are vital to the long term success of any website, or business, or person in the position she's in.

    I don't think that's silly.

    I don't think EJean thought her post here was silly, either.



    reply to Karma
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    OH FFS! LET IT GO!!!!!!!!!!!!

    reply to Juliet
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    Dear Diva, Connie, Brandi, JJ, Jackie, Jeannie, D, Rue, and Angel,

    You've all given excellent answers to the questions posed.

    What strikes me most about you (and oh so many other Vixens) is what a collection of good writers gather here.

    It was a joy to read your posts.

    I will look for whatever questions you post with anticipation, and can only hope you find my responses as worthy.


    reply to Karma
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    Marguerite,

    This is not a new or original question. It's been asked several times before. Perhaps you could do a google search.

    I have been wondering something about you. Why are you so personally invested in this site and the people on this site, given that you joined mere weeks ago?

    What would you like to gain from your time here?


    reply to Raven
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    to the contrary...I was just turned on to this site and my favorite thing about this site is that I don't have to sugar coat things. When my friend is over over over analyzing why Justin is constantly picking fights with her and then not talking to her for two weeks, I cant tell her that I think he has a girlfriend and her on the side (true story and hopefully she is not on this site) She could not take that and would think that I was jealous, threatened blah blah. The beauty of this site is you get to just call things like you see em (not to mention tell them things you wish you had been told) and if you enjoy people's stories that's kinda fun.

    reply to Jennifer
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    Wowza. I personally see myself here as much more of an observer than anything else. I used to read every single question here, although I responded to probably 30% of them. That's impossible to do anymore, and I miss it in a way. But at this point I think the answer to your original question, way way way up at the top, is irrelevant. What I do have to say is this:

    I am constantly surprised at the way highschool politics play out every day here. Over time I've come to know and love the Vixens, and I hope they feel the same way about me, but I don't quite understand the extent to which things are taken. Everything becomes so personal here, which is both a flaw and a lovely thing at the same time. We are all expressing ourselves without the body language, the facial expressions, and the intonations that would normally accompany any given exchange. And without those things, each of us has the opportunity to be taken completely out of context or in the wrong way.

    So all I can really say is this: as a (usually) impartial observer... can't we all just get over it? It shouldn't be this difficult. We should be able to be respectful and enjoy our time here without taking it quite so seriously.

    Marguerite, I would like to point out that before reading any of the responses, I found your post to be inflammatory. You may have thought you were wording things in a neutral way, but your questions seemed more like rhetorical judgments to me. The best advice I can give, to you and anyone else, is read your posts with some objective distance and think about what you're saying. It doesn't matter how good your original intentions were if no one can hear you over the squabble.

    reply to LK
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    Trolls belong under bridges and in animated movies. That is all.

    reply to Kaitlin
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    I have just finished reading this thread and to me, it was very loud and painful and raw. I want to share something in response which I found recently on a friend's website and which speaks to me and I believe speaks to communication in general. I hope you like this:

    10 Things We Can Do to Contribute to Internal, Interpersonal, and Organizational Peace

    (1) Spend some time each day quietly reflecting on how we would like to relate to ourselves and others.

    (2) Remember that all human beings have the same needs.

    (3) Check our intention to see if we are as interested in others getting their needs met as our own.

    (4) When asking someone to do something, check first to see if we are making a request or a demand.

    (5) Instead of saying what we DON'T want someone to do, say what we DO want the person to do.

    (6) Instead of saying what we want someone to BE, say what action we'd like the person to take that we hope will help the person be that way.

    (7) Before agreeing or disagreeing with anyone's opinions, try to tune in to what the person is feeling and needing.

    (8) Instead of saying "No," say what need of ours prevents us from saying "Yes."

    (9) If we are feeling upset, think about what need of ours is not being met, and what we could do to meet it, instead of thinking about what's wrong with others or ourselves.

    (10) Instead of praising someone who did something we like, express our gratitude by telling the person what need of ours that action met.

    The Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) would like there to be a critical mass of people using Nonviolent Communication language so all people will get their needs met and resolve their conflicts peacefully.

    reply to Donna
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    I originally signed on as part of an application for a paid position. TheresaAV1 answered my application to EJean with a list of requirements and expectations, that I answered in kind.

    She then took offense to one of my answers directed at a friend of hers, referenced me as an EJean suck-up, queen bee wanna be, exposed me as an applicant, and insinuated that, since I was offending EJeans favorite writers, I hadn't a chance in hell of being chosen for the job.



    I'm feeling a little sheepish that I didn't realize that it was TAV that sent me the email til you said something and then I put two and two together. :P

    However, having said that? I think the internet brings out some cruddy behavior in people. The anonymity factor of it all. Problem is, you were applying for a job, and you rolled on into the workplace, did some things the boss didn't like and got told you did.
    I'm pretty sure that being objective is a big part of this job. If you take things as personally as you've expressed them, what's to stop you from deleting people just because you don't like them? Maybe you wouldn't, but that's not what you're showing people, here.

    Everything else you're doing now, is sort of like standing outside of the store you applied for, shaking your fist and ranting.

    Like LK said, just the post itself was pretty inflammatory as was the other one you made on the same topic. I stand by my original thought hat it was flamebait, pure and simple. You may be a fantastic writer, but if you cannot be impartial and accept that there are different kinds of people, who will give different kinds of answers, giving advice for a living probably isn't the job for you.

    reply to Holly
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    Juliet wrote: OH HAI DR. BOB!!!!!!!! funny pictures of cats with captions
    more animals

    Genius. Love the kitty pic. Best answer hands down. Now let's just take a deep breath and start over.

    I think we all get to argue enough in our day to day lives. Between the car that cut me off this morning or my kids leaving their dirty clothes strewn all over the floor, I've logged in plenty of hours already. Hell, I'm on overtime.

    *If someone posts a question that we don't like we should treat it just like a question that we don't feel we are qualified to answer: Ignore it. That will speak louder than any biting comments we could come up with.

    reply to Big A
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    As my friend used to say to stop a lot of disparate voices: "Girls, girls you're both pretty!"


    reply to Tahlulla
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    Hello all you crazy cats,
    I did see the job posting on craig's list, and immediately applied because I have ventured to E.Jean's site many times before, seeking to-the-point advice from her.
    I hope you all do not mind if I now stay.
    Job or not.
    I have a found a circle of rowdy, awesome people that tickle my brain and make me smile.
    Honesty is always the best policy and the vixens combine honesty with heart.
    I was watching Grey's Anatomy last night and there was a "new" girl...I was PISSED! Who invited her????
    I see how the veterens here feel, and I can promise you that I come in peace. I am not trying to steal anyone's McThinking, Mcwriting, or McThunder.

    reply to Jessica
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    Jessica wrote: Hello all you crazy cats, I did see the job posting on craig's list, and immediately applied because I have ventured to E.Jean's site many times before, seeking to-the-point advice from her. I hope you all do not mind if I now stay. Job or not. I have a found a circle of rowdy, awesome people that tickle my brain and make me smile. Honesty is always the best policy and the vixens combine honesty with heart. I was watching Grey's Anatomy last night and there was a "new" girl...I was PISSED! Who invited her???? I see how the veterens here feel, and I can promise you that I come in peace. I am not trying to steal anyone's McThinking, Mcwriting, or McThunder.

    McThank You for such a funny response!

    reply to Mary
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    Master Hunglo wrote: MARGIE! YOUR LACK OF LOVE HAS YOU NOT RUNNING ON ALL FOUR CYLINDERS, BUT OLD CHEN KNOWS YOU JUST NEED GOOD DICK TO FEEL A LITTLE BETTER. COME TO DADDY. I'LL CLOSE MY EYES AND DO IT FOR THE SAKE OF E. JEAN'S SITE . SHIT HA!

    Hey! What about my needs? I thought I was all heart with a side of ham, but Master Hunglo makes me wonder if I'm chopped liver...sniff sniff...why does Marguerite get to have all the big dick?

    Edit: Freudian slip. I know it's not the size that counts;)

    reply to Mary
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    Jessica wrote: Hello all you crazy cats, I did see the job posting on craig's list, and immediately applied because I have ventured to E.Jean's site many times before, seeking to-the-point advice from her. I hope you all do not mind if I now stay. Job or not. I have a found a circle of rowdy, awesome people that tickle my brain and make me smile. Honesty is always the best policy and the vixens combine honesty with heart. I was watching Grey's Anatomy last night and there was a "new" girl...I was PISSED! Who invited her???? I see how the veterens here feel, and I can promise you that I come in peace. I am not trying to steal anyone's McThinking, Mcwriting, or McThunder.

    McFrickinFabulous.

    While I'm at it, Theresa/AV1 is quite possibly one of the most respected members of vixens. To question her integrity and her role as an employee of E. Jean is to also question E. Jean's.

    If you were to tell a fast food manager that the food sucked, his tie was ugly and his breath stunk and he replied with you having the option to leave or cut down the crap... would you call him unprofessional too?

    What Theresa says HERE vs. what she's doing with applications are two very different things. If she was as unprofessional and catty as you're trying to make her seem, she could've just deleted your application or said you weren't right for the job or any number of things.

    Instead, i'm sure, you received the same, unbiased, professional, polite response that everyone else got.

    If you're afraid that her words to you on here are going to cost you the job, maybe you should step back and realize that only your words are going to count for or against you.

    As Raven pointed out... this particular question has been asked numerous times over the last couple of years. It's really not as important as you want it to be.

    People keep coming here, posting and paying attention because flame wars do that... like moths to a flame.

    That also, is nothing new.

    Nobody is out to get you. Nobody cares that much.

    reply to T.M.
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    Screw you, lady. Just because you think I don't like you doesn't make it so.

    You're my favorite person to butt heads with. I NEVER know what the hell you'll come back with so it's fun. Honestly.

    I don't always love you, but I don't dislike you either.

    AV wouldn't be the same without you.

    I give you a hard time because you need it, usually.

    Other times i'm just bored or feeling like you were in your last email :P

    reply to T.M.
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    I don't dislike you at all. And I try to give you good advice every time.

    reply to ehvwon
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    LADY, LADY, LADY!!! I HATE TO SEE A WOMAN FROM MY GENERATION BE THE LAUGHINSTOCK.

    MISS E. JEAN WAS BEING SARCASTICALLY FUNNY WHEN SHE RESPONDED TO YOU, SHE CREATED FUNNY SARCASM DON'T YOU KNOW? HAVEN'T YOU READ HER COLUMNS?

    GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER DEAR, AND BE MARGUERITE AGAIN. REFUSE TO REMAIN MARGARASS.

    reply to Master Hunglo
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    Ha, if that happens, we must have a video camera running at all times.

    reply to T.M.
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    Master Hunglo wrote: LADY, LADY, LADY!!! I HATE TO SEE A WOMAN FROM MY GENERATION BE THE LAUGHINSTOCK. MISS E. JEAN WAS BEING SARCASTICALLY FUNNY WHEN SHE RESPONDED TO YOU, SHE CREATED FUNNY SARCASM DON'T YOU KNOW? HAVEN'T YOU READ HER COLUMNS? GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER DEAR, AND BE MARGUERITE AGAIN. REFUSE TO REMAIN MARGARASS.

    Marguerite, this reply is in NO way responding to you...as a writer and someone going through the friggin' biggest experience of my life, I just have to say that the copy above was the funniest stuff I've read in a long, long time!

    Thank you.

    reply to Sheela
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    Sheela wrote: Marguerite, this reply is in NO way responding to you...as a writer and someone going through the friggin' biggest experience of my life, I just have to say that the copy above was the funniest stuff I've read in a long, long time! Thank you.

    Master Hunglo has made me his love slave!!!

    reply to Mary
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    Master Hunglo wrote: LADY, LADY, LADY!!! I HATE TO SEE A WOMAN FROM MY GENERATION BE THE LAUGHINSTOCK. MISS E. JEAN WAS BEING SARCASTICALLY FUNNY WHEN SHE RESPONDED TO YOU, SHE CREATED FUNNY SARCASM DON'T YOU KNOW? HAVEN'T YOU READ HER COLUMNS? GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER DEAR, AND BE MARGUERITE AGAIN. REFUSE TO REMAIN MARGARASS.

    Oh sweet jesus I snorted coffee out of my nose.

    Marguerite, again as someone else said, I'm not "ganging up" on you, but my god, that was funny.

    reply to Holly
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    unfortunately i've been made. you're right. im here to see my face pop up. do you know anyone i can see for help for this problem? regards the guru

    reply to chris
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    I've been watching this thread go on and on and on and on and yeah it's a good topic but can we get any more self indulgent?

    Seriously.

    reply to Marguerite
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    I am not going to second guess why someone posts a question and try to analyze why they posted it...theorizing can take forever and plays so many different roles that it becomes like a ball of twine sometimes I think.

    If I perceive someone to be in a very fragile state of mind...I wouldn't blast them. There are ways to take off the rough angles of advice with helpful suggestions.

    I'm a newbie (and yes I first heard about this site from the craigslist ad:) and so far I get the impression that the site offers support, advice & community! I like it for those reasons and the honesty. Friday night folks:)

    reply to RockinGoldenGirl
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    I think that if dear Jean had asked the question herself it wouldn't have been oozing with a condescending air, Marguerite. Your question is totally valid, but perhaps your overall tone is a bit negative and caused a lot of people to jump on the defensive. A lot can get lost in translation over the internet, so while the Vixens tried to defend their motives they were also left questioning yours.

    Some Vixens may simply be looking for some good advice, a hearty laugh, a sense of community, a Friday night activity, or even a job---regardless, it all makes for more interesting discussion.

    reply to Leylie
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    Wow, this question has earned a lot of talk. Does it matter why one comes? People are like cats or dogs....different breads, different likes and dislikes. It's called personality.

    reply to Suzanna
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    Wow, this question has earned a lot of talk. Does it matter why one comes? People are like cats or dogs....different breads, different likes and dislikes. It's called personality.

    reply to Suzanna
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    Wow, this question has earned a lot of talk. Does it matter why one comes? People are like cats or dogs....different breads, different likes and dislikes. It's called personality.

    reply to Suzanna
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    Karma wrote: SallyG writes: Whether I engage in their behaviors or not isn't relevant. Is it healthy for them? Ethical? Safe? Respectful? Responsible? Those factors tend to dictate my responses. **** I find that interesting. So, tell us, how do you know what's healthy for others, or not, if you've never participated in the behavior yourself? If don't speak from your own perspective based on your own experience and moral code (that you've deemed irrelevant) -- whose voice are you using? Whose ethics are you applying?

    Doesn't really make sense.

    People offer helpful words and advice based on their own personal wisdom---not necessarily from their own experience.

    After all, one plus one equals two. The more people who post their advice, experience or not, the more angles the person who truly needs help has to look at and choose among to find the right solution

    reply to John
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    WoW! What a thread! I'm not sure if anyone, but Ms. Marguerite will read this, but I figured I might add my thoughts here.

    Per the purpose of the site:
    Ms. EJean obviously had a vision when she created this site.
    Like many great visionaries, one must be flexible when on the journey to achieve said vision. One must be patient and tolerant during the phases.. ie successes and failures.

    We... who are participants on the outside, so to speak, are sort of happy pawns in the creation of it all. We love being here and doing what we do, yet, we don't KNOW what Ms. EJeans vision is unless she tells us herself.

    However, should Ms. EJean and her staff see that the site is evolving in ways that are pleasing.. they will surely consider it a success. Should it be evolving outside of said vision, they will certainly make the necessary adjustments.

    Per my personal motives:
    I have to say, I actually like the question as I, unbeknowst to others here, have had the vision (for years) of a website where people would be able to give and recieve advice. So, you can imagine the leap for joy when I found this site while seeking a writing job just to supplement what my husband makes. What a joy.. I always advise others to seek out what they love and here it was.. right before my eyes. Although, I would have a different platform, I found this site quite beautiful, fulfilling and really... right up my alley.

    During my time, away from my kids, household stuff, writing.. and my hours spent on AV, I am on the phone giving advice. (Couples, single parents, people in financial, emotional and spiritual need of support and solutions.

    So, what I give of myself here, is of MY SELF. The range of people here is unbelieveable. So many personality types. I love it. I do not expect to get the same vibe from everyone. I actually don't EXPECT. I just give.... and THAT is enough for me.

    I enjoy being here because I get what I give and I wish the same for all.

    I am glad Ms. Marguerite posted this because it does bring people to be honest and there are some wonderful people here that I have become quite enamored with and I am sure there will be more.

    I hope my words were words of light for everyone who reads.

    *peace*

    reply to Isoke
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    Thank you dear Isoke,

    I felt so positive when I proposed this question and did not understand how it could have been perceived otherwise.

    I appreciate your kind words.

    Truly.



    reply to Karma
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    A
    Karma wrote: Dear Diva, Connie, Brandi, JJ, Jackie, Jeannie, D, Rue, and Angel, You've all given excellent answers to the questions posed. What strikes me most about you (and oh so many other Vixens) is what a collection of good writers gather here. It was a joy to read your posts. I will look for whatever questions you post with anticipation, and can only hope you find my responses as worthy.

    ~~Thanks~~

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    Karma wrote: Thank you dear Isoke, I felt so positive when I proposed this question and did not understand how it could have been perceived otherwise. I appreciate your kind words. Truly.

    Absolutely. I understand your question 100%. It's possible that at times when we read the comments that others write, there may not have been "indepth" thought into the situation, but more of a quick answer.

    I try to keep in mind that everyone here are just people and this is a cyber world. I studied Sociology and Communication in school and have a love for Social Psychology and human interaction. I am a writer almost by default. So, my approach may be a little different than some.

    But, from what I see, many people have a desire to support eachother and make the other person feel good. It is a great place for people to build self esteem because many people may not have people in their "real worlds" that tell them... "you are a fantastic person" or "you have brightened my day."

    In that sense, maybe people will approach their situations with a renewed sense of self. I do see that some people may walk away without any resolution because no one has really gotten INTO the ROOT of their issues, but I am not sure that this site is for that.

    I would, if I may offer my advice to you... be a channel for words of wisdom in YOUR way to those who come sincerely in need. It may be that because you see the need, it is for YOU to fill it. Please, do not EXPECT others to do it because it may not be their calling or task as far as the Universe is concerned. And when we begin to step out of order or expect others to do out of their order... it creates conflict.

    Feel the need and just fill it. I think there will be those who quietly appreciate your genuine perspective and make the necessary changes in their lives and THAT is priceless.

    *peace*

    reply to Isoke
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    Dear Isoke:

    Right back at you woman!

    reply to Karma
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    S
    I am searching for some insight into my particular situation - and the truth, and validation as and when appropriate.

    reply to S
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    I usualy come here cuz Im boared and it amuses me to read other peoples issues. I rate my camp time by if I start to answere. If I start to answere..been in camp to long


    reply to Mark
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    Yes, I think this site functions as both. I try to give advice/tell stories and contribute what I can from my experience. There haven't been any issues I have come across that are so black and white that I know exactly what the asking girl should do.

    However, I have sincerely been enlightened by responses about issues I have posted. Simply the perspective of another down-to-earth woman is genuinely appreciated.

    reply to Stephanie
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