Ask E. Jean - Tormented? Driven Witless? Whipsawed by confusion?

Advice Vixens

V's!

At a party recently I popped a grape in my mouth, only to find out it was plastic. I swallowed it so no one would catch me!

What's your most embarrassing moment?

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    D
    That time I went to a club with friends in the winter. It was initially cold so I put my coat in the coat check but kept on my sweater. After awhile I warmed up and decided to put my sweater in the coat check too. I walked back to where it was and walked straight into a glass door. Damn window washers! Damn you for doing a good job!

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    D
    Darn computer is being slow and double posting. Sorry.

    Anyway, Suzanne, didn't that taste bad and hurt going down?

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    Did it come out the other end yet?

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    Too funny, D!

    Yes it hurt. Like a rattlesnake swallowing an alligator!


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    Blondie wrote: Did it come out the other end yet?

    Never noticed the end result. :0)

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    Sweet lord, Suzanne. That can't have tasted good. You survived, thankfully.

    Mine? Well, I had the unfortunate luck to be carrying a canoe over my head on a river trip between portages when I lost my bikini top. By "lost" I mean it came undone, fell off and got swept downriver. A virtual non-event if it happened today, utterly devastating at 16. Pretty much everyone in my 11th grade class saw me half-naked at one stroke. Awesome.



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    You are hilarious, Suzanne. I would have spit it out into my napkin.

    My most embarrassing moment...(there are several)...I was in high school, driving home with my younger sister in the passenger seat. I had to go pee really, really bad and trying to hold it till we got home. We were a block away when she started making me laugh so hard that I started driving crooked and pee'd my pants. In my car. We still laugh about it.


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    This time I broke wind in JC Penney's.

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    WOW! There are times when spitting isn't rude!

    As for me, I am just embarassing. I've walked into glass doors, completely lost a thread while doing karaoke so I just danced all stupid til the song was over (and I was VERY sober!) The list is entirely too long!

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    OMG....thank you. I needed that laugh. That's hilarious!

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    A friend of mine is a psychologist, and I always keep her in the loop regarding my romantic life. Well, when this new guy I started seeing wrote me an e-mail, I forwarded it to her to get her take. Instead, to my horror, she accidentally replied to him instead of me!! Thank goodness he took it well, and thank goodness she didn't reveal intimate details that I already told her, but boy oh boy, after surving that, I guarantee you it takes quite a lot to embarrass me now!

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    You guys are cracking me up! So many great stories!

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    One of my most embarrassing moments. Makes me laugh each time I think about it. Was with my friend in her car. We stopped and I could not get the car door opened, it was frozen shut (winter in Canada). I rolled down the window and proceeded to climb out,(nb:it was a very small car). while half in and half out my back seized (locked up). She came around and asked to help, I told her about me back. She started to laugh and so did I. Each laugh made me sink further back into the car. This still makes me laugh and remember other things
    her and I experienced.

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    Blondie wrote: Did it come out the other end yet?

    Here, here Incog! Inquiring minds want to know!!!

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    Thought I would mention the embarrassing moment that occured after my last post. It actually happend the same day.
    After managing to get out of my friends car , we had a mini party (chocolate cake...).Ate way too much sweets for me. We both went to the mall after that. Had to go find the washroom in the mall. Obviously was way too sugared up. I looked down,noticed I was wearing pants and proceed to walk into the mens washroom (person in pants on the door as opposed to women in dress on other). friend grabbed my arm and asked what I was doing. A man coming out, smiled and asked do you want to come in with me? I was so embarrassed.

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    I was at a party that was also attended by a member of the band Jump Little Children who I had a mad crush on at the time. I an normally not the type to make a fool of myself trying to hard, but that's exactly what I did. We were all out on the back porch chatting, and somebody brought up the subject of middle school gangs. For some reason, I had a lot of opinions on the subject at that particular moment, and I went on a huge rant for about five minutes about "kids today" and "isn't it awful" and "we need to find alternatives for young kids!" when I noticed that everyone looked confused. Then, said band member said, "GAMES. Middle school GAMES."

    Not one of my finest moments.

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    When an incredibly rude man wouldn't stop talking on his cell in a movie theater, I stormed out to complain. Spotted the manager, went off on a rant, complete with sweeping hand gestures...

    Until it dawned on me that I was complaining to a wax statue of an old-timey usher, complete with curly moustache and vintage spectacles.

    Witnessed by a lobby full of people.

    reply to Bonnie
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    Let's see...so many choices...

    When I was a kid, I remember thinking the bowl of butter on the table at a restaurant was ice cream...I immediately ate a big spoonful of it...Yuck!

    A bit older...around 13...I thought that white Crisco was some kind of dream whip product...Ate a big spoonful...Yuck!

    Adult...Well, let's just say I accidentally sent a "projectile" across the desk of a woman during a job interview!

    Hey...the older you get, the more embarrassing such moments become... :-)

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    Bonnie wrote: When an incredibly rude man wouldn't stop talking on his cell in a movie theater, I stormed out to complain. Spotted the manager, went off on a rant, complete with sweeping hand gestures... Until it dawned on me that I was complaining to a wax statue of an old-timey usher, complete with curly moustache and vintage spectacles. Witnessed by a lobby full of people.

    Bonnie,
    Did you say somewhere else on this site that you were writing a book? (In the New Year's goals thread?) If so, perhaps you should see if you can work this bit of hilarity into your book. It's too good!

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    Amelia, in fiction it would be too much!

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    Oh, Suzanne, say you didn't! Well, apparently it went down easily enough or you wouldn't be around to write about your fake grape encounter.

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    I was at a very big wig boss's house for a party. His son was about 14 and could play Broadway tunes. I begged him to play something from "Phantom of the Opera". He did not want to play but his Dad insisted and so I stood by the piano and as I did a wasp or some kind of flying bug went into my mouth. I was too afraid to release it because the kid was playing and so I stood there and had to listen with the thing flapping around in my mouth until finally the song ended and the bug was silenced, too.

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    Oh... there are so many to mention. The time I got my tongue stuck to a pole in the winter and ripped it off so no one would notice, the time I got my head stuck between the bars of the cast iron fence that surrounded my school in London, the time I fell asleep on a train destined for the trainyard and had to have the conductor drive me back to my station, the time I fell off the bus whilst disembarking... Need I go on?

    Sorry the grape hurt on the way down, but you always have a great story, and you will always know you aren't alone in secret humiliations!!

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    Suzanne- just think: the person who hosted that party is one day going to notice that missing grape and always wonder wtf happened.

    I've got one that happened to me last week. I live in a really small town in upstate New York and I had to fly to DC. I was running late that morning and the dude at the ticket counter told me I needed to hurry because my plane was boarding. So I dash through the airport only to find the doors at my gate closed and nobody at the little podium. I started to banging on the doors and the glass trying to get someone's attention to let me on the plane (I REALLY needed to get to DC). It was like a scene out of The Graduate, when an elderly gentlemen tapped me on the shoulder and told me the plane hadn't boarded yet. I turned around and there was about fifty people watching me make an ass out of myself. And then I got to ride with all of those nice people for two hours!

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    Bonnie wrote: Amelia, in fiction it would be too much!

    Good point! Thank goodness I don't write fiction--it's better left to people like you who clearly know how to make it believable. Still funny...

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    One that I can remember off the top of my head took place about a year ago. I was on the train and I really had to use the bathroom. Now I am not a germaphob but train lavatories are hardly the most sanitary places. But I really had to go so decided that I really didn't have a choice. Now the way that these things work is that once inside you lock the sliding door and a light goes on outside, alerting other passengers that the lavatory is in use. Well anyway I walked in and there is this little old lady sitting there on the toilet mortified. Apparently she forgot to lock the door. I turned and hightailed it out of there as fast as I could shouting back my apologies to her. So once again I refuse to ever use a train lavatory again.

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    That's why I try to stay away from fruits and vegetables at parties. Always stick with the chips & dip.


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    My most embarrassing moment was when I sang on top of my lungs, not knowing anyone else was home. And then of course my friends walked in on me and nearly pissed themselves over my lack of skills. I wanted to die!!! It was so bad!

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    I have so many emberassing moments I don't now where to start but an incident that ocurred to me last week stands out. I was at this swanky gym I belong to, where all the beaitufull people go to workout and I was doing my best to blend in; donning my fancy sweatsuit and rocking out to my ipod while running at top speed on the treadmil.
    A blonde bombshell strutted up to the treadmill in front of me and all the meatheads in the gym (myself included) snapped our necks to sneak a peak of this beautiful baby's backside as she walked by. The view threw off my coordination and before I knew what was happening I stumbled and fell to my knees being catapulted across the room by the treadmill. I tried hard to play it off but my ego was skinned worse than my knees.

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    Actually, I've been on the plastic grape diet. Good way to lose weight. But you have to balance it out with a plastic apple, a polystyrene pear and a wax banana every so often.

    My most embarrassing moment? I farted loudly at a quiet Summer picnic. Youch! (Shhh! Don't tell anybody!)

    (Might've been the plastic fruit.)

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    Having been a klutz for nearly 51 years, I have embarrassed myself in so many ways that I can't begin to count them.

    Thankfully nothing makes me laugh more than when I trip and do my little dance-with gravity, or flail my arms enthusiastically and knock something over, or loose my top while executing a perfect dive in a public pool.

    I live by the proverb:
    Blessed are the self amused for they will always have something to laugh about!

    PS I'm also intrigued as to the digestion of the plastic grape!

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    In the middle of a snow storm, went out to start my car, and didn't realize there was ice on the ground, and fell flat on my face. There was nothing graceful about that fall!

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    A similar thing happppened to me at a party, but it was a sliced up plastic watermelon. I was also too embaraased to confess or spit out the contents, so I kept eating all the fake watermelon while discussing the stock market with a lady at the party named, Julia. Julia was nice enought to drive me to the hospital later.

    Ater all, we MUST keep up appearances!

    reply to Matt
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    Matt wrote: A similar thing happppened to me at a party, but it was a sliced up plastic watermelon. I was also too embaraased to confess or spit out the contents, so I kept eating all the fake watermelon while discussing the stock market with a lady at the party named, Julia. Julia was nice enought to drive me to the hospital later. Ater all, we MUST keep up appearances!

    Now you're just teasing me... i think. :0)

    Very funny either way!


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    Suzanne wrote: Now you're just teasing me... i think. :0) Very funny either way!

    Yes, I was...all in good fun. I just love that you'd rather swallow plastic than be caught eating something inedible. I wish I was there...I would eaten one to, to further the cover-up.

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    Girl!!!

    .....didn't your MAMA ever tell you you could have choked to death!!!!.
    ..you took "saving face" a bit too far!!!

    ... spit it out for God's sake!! then, place the grape gently back in it's proper position, all the while.. giving a charming, yet weak smile bespeaking innocence!!

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    Suzanne, your story is sooo funny!

    As for me... Omg, I've fallen off a treadmill, too. Ahh!!! The Horror!

    More than anything, it hurt like a biznizzle. A chunk of skin came off one of my palms. I grabbed a few bandaids and went right back on the treadmill.

    My roomie and I got a great laugh when I arrived home. Now I stick to ellipticals!

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    OMG the most embarrassing moment I've ever had and my sister will never let me forget was one afternoon my junior year in high school. I rushed home from school because I needed to use the bathroom and knowing that neither my parents or my two younger sisters would be home, I dropped my bag, took my shoes off in an unmannered fashion and rushed to the bathroom located downstairs. While I was in the bathroom, I was singing my heart out to Destiny's Child's "Amazing Grace" with the high notes, Aretha Franklin style and everything. When I came out of the bathroom I headed towards the living room and I noticed a pair of shoes in the front door entry way...my heart dropped for a second as I proceeded to the door. I turned to my left and with horror I saw my youngest sister with her tutor in the dining room brushing up on her math homework. I could see their faces trying not to laugh as I walked right pass them and headed upstairs. Later my sister said she was completely embarrassed by my impromptu concert. Little did she know, I was more embarrassed to the nth degree!

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    When I was little I stole what I thought was fudge from the desk of a classmate. Popped it into my mouth.

    Huge eraser.

    Never took anything again from anyone!!


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    This wasn't so much embarassing to me, but hilarious, and a fun story to tell:

    My brother and I are at a New England Patriots football game, it starts pouring down raining on us, and we happen to be in the middle of the row. I try to get up and go to the bathroom when my brother urges me back down (not wanting ot make everyone down the row get up) and gives me a very serious, brotherly look, and says: "Dude, just go."

    Granted, I could've disagreed and gotten up anyway like any civilized person would've, but I didn't. I preceded to watch a live football game while peeing freely in my pants in the presence of 50,000 people! It was such a downpour that any evidence of the fact was washed away within minutes...but man, you talk about FREEDOM!

    Someone else may have felt this embarrasng, but when done purposefully its clearly a lifestyle choice.

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    Oh boy. I'm going to have to ponder this for an hour or so.

    I'm not sure if I'm bold enough to relay that moment of red faced shame in front of a group of people I had never met!

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    I slipped on the dance floor at my wedding and landed on white bustled ass.

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    I was in Starbucks and my gynecologist called to tell me the results of my pap smear. I accidentally hit the speaker phone option and she announced to the entire coffee shop that I was officially HPV free.

    Awesome. What could I do? I shrugged and announced to the entire store: "Well, I guess I'm officially open for business again. Any interested men, please apply within."


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    Bonnie wrote: When an incredibly rude man wouldn't stop talking on his cell in a movie theater, I stormed out to complain. Spotted the manager, went off on a rant, complete with sweeping hand gestures... Until it dawned on me that I was complaining to a wax statue of an old-timey usher, complete with curly moustache and vintage spectacles. Witnessed by a lobby full of people.

    Hilarious. That is amazing.

    reply to Samantha
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    Do I have a good (albeit embarassing) story to tell!

    Last Christmas Eve I sat down to dinner at a party for twelve. My chair felt a bit wobbly, but I thought nothing of it. After all, the champagne and red wine was flowing!

    I admit, I had a few drinks. I was smiling and my cheeks were rosy. Suddenly, I heard a CRACKKK and I ended up on the floor. On my way down to the linoleum, I knocked over a bright red candle and the hot wax splashed on the white wall...and on my dress.

    Horrible thing was, everyone thought I fell off my chair or broke it because I had a few drinks in my system. Glad the dinner party was at my brother's. He has to love me regardless of the mess I created. ; )

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    Colleen wrote: I was in Starbucks and my gynecologist called to tell me the results of my pap smear. I accidentally hit the speaker phone option and she announced to the entire coffee shop that I was officially HPV free. Awesome. What could I do? I shrugged and announced to the entire store: "Well, I guess I'm officially open for business again. Any interested men, please apply within."

    Love it! How funny!

    reply to Suzanne
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    Mine was embarassing and terrifying at the same time. I worked at a radio station that had two floors.

    At the bottom of the stairs on the 1st floor was the door to the men's washroom on the left - if you go straight you go down the hallway to the sales department and the General Manager's office.

    I always came down at the same time after my morning news shift to go outside to smoke - I had that terrible habit back then.

    For 3 days in a row I kept meeting the same salesman, a friend of mine, coming out of the washroom.

    On the 4th day as I was coming down I saw the door opening to the men's washroom and leapt from 5 steps up to land on the floor in front of the opening door crouching with my arms open wide yelling loudly , 'HA!"

    To my utter shock, the general manager clutched his chest and fell back against the door gasping. I myself was frozen in place, in crouch with arms still out - now speechless.

    He finally caught his breath, squeezed his way past my still frozen in crouch posed body, and then ran down the hallway and slammed the door to his office. I was finally able to move and looked down the hallway to see his assistant look at the door and then me, in surprise.

    I went upstairs and told my friend that I would probably be fired that day. I wasn't. But I was a lot calmer walking down those stairs in the future.

    As for the general manager, he kinda gave me a wide berth after that!


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    Phoenix wrote: Mine was embarassing and terrifying at the same time. I worked at a radio station that had two floors. At the bottom of the stairs on the 1st floor was the door to the men's washroom on the left - if you go straight you go down the hallway to the sales department and the General Manager's office. I always came down at the same time after my morning news shift to go outside to smoke - I had that terrible habit back then. For 3 days in a row I kept meeting the same salesman, a friend of mine, coming out of the washroom. On the 4th day as I was coming down I saw the door opening to the men's washroom and leapt from 5 steps up to land on the floor in front of the opening door crouching with my arms open wide yelling loudly , 'HA!" To my utter shock, the general manager clutched his chest and fell back against the door gasping. I myself was frozen in place, in crouch with arms still out - now speechless. He finally caught his breath, squeezed his way past my still frozen in crouch posed body, and then ran down the hallway and slammed the door to his office. I was finally able to move and looked down the hallway to see his assistant look at the door and then me, in surprise. I went upstairs and told my friend that I would probably be fired that day. I wasn't. But I was a lot calmer walking down those stairs in the future. As for the general manager, he kinda gave me a wide berth after that!

    Great scene!

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    I went for sushi with a guy who popped the whole edamame - shell and all in his mouth! I watched him struggle to get it down, as he perplexedly observed the way I ate them. I went to the washroom and laughed, until I cried. I never did hear from him again....

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    Jennifer wrote: I went for sushi with a guy who popped the whole edamame - shell and all in his mouth! I watched him struggle to get it down, as he perplexedly observed the way I ate them. I went to the washroom and laughed, until I cried. I never did hear from him again....

    :0)

    Reminds me of the time my high school friend had shrimp for the first time...tail and all! She couldn't understand all the hype because they hurt!

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    A giraffe sneezed on me. He didn't mean to but he had a cold and boy do they have a lot of phlegm. I was covered. I was eight and we lived two hours away and it was smelly.

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    Suzanna wrote: A giraffe sneezed on me. He didn't mean to but he had a cold and boy do they have a lot of phlegm. I was covered. I was eight and we lived two hours away and it was smelly.

    That reminds me of the time when I was at a zoo with two pals and a guerilla "spanked his monkey" and threw it at my friend and hit her smack in the face. I think she still has a nervous tic in that eye. :0)

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    Suzanne,

    AT 4353.45 on 23F564-Rekulus Time, I was approached by an oncoming transversion module osmutating at an unimaginably brisk velocity. Suddenly, I realized it was my birthing unit! My veinous branches became engorged and I subsequently evacuated a small portion of lubricant onto the pavement. I was scolded by my birthing unit for exposing my mass to the atmosphere and was promptly told to cloak myself with thin layers of tungsten so as not to be perforated or suffer the ill-effects of harmful refrigeration. The worst part was, my reproductive associate was situated immediately east of me at a distance not exceeding four Xebos. How awful that she should witness my symbolic bearing-excision at the pincers of my dominant birthing unit.

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    Last week I was the gym and decided that I really should stop playing that mental tug-o-war of "hold it" or "just go now" and just go to the bathroom. I went into the unisex bathroom and made sure the door was locked. After taking care of business and thinking how much better I felt, I stood half way up with toilet paper in hand to....well, wipe myself. Suddenly, the door swung wide open and in walked a sweaty dude who just stood there staring at me for what seemed an eternity while i nervously tried to cover my "Virginia." Keep in mind that the entire bathroom was mirrored, so he got a full frontal and rectal view. After he finally stammered, "Oh my God," and kept the door open wide enough for others to catch a peek, he ran out.

    I then, gathered up what little dignity I had left and decided to just laugh it off. But, standing outside, waiting for me was none other than the sweaty dude...I mean, who does that? Wasn't that embarrassment enough? He then proceeded to walk into the bathroom with me (the smelled for obvious reasons) to explain twhy he thought the door was locked and why it actually wasn't.

    He concluded my mortification session with, "Don't worry about it, ma'am, just go on with your day."

    And so I listened to the sweaty dude and continued with my work-out, flushed and fully mortified. How's that for embarrassing?

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    Suzanne,

    I nearly choked on my real grapes reading your humorous account. It reminds me of a very funny scene in the Laurel and Hardy film, Sons of the Desert, where Stan Laurel munches on a wax pear. The whole attempting-to-chew process will have you in stitches.

    Gosh, I do embarrassing things all the time, so it's hard to single one event out. One pretty humiliating moment was listening to a playback of me singing the Flashdance theme, What a Feelin' at Venice Beach over a loud speaker for all the passers-by and being totally out of tune. My parents sort of made it obvious that the warbling came from my lungs. Uggh!

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    Mr. Mystery wrote: Suzanne, AT 4353.45 on 23F564-Rekulus Time, I was approached by an oncoming transversion module osmutating at an unimaginably brisk velocity. Suddenly, I realized it was my birthing unit! My veinous branches became engorged and I subsequently evacuated a small portion of lubricant onto the pavement. I was scolded by my birthing unit for exposing my mass to the atmosphere and was promptly told to cloak myself with thin layers of tungsten so as not to be perforated or suffer the ill-effects of harmful refrigeration. The worst part was, my reproductive associate was situated immediately east of me at a distance not exceeding four Xebos. How awful that she should witness my symbolic bearing-excision at the pincers of my dominant birthing unit.

    I hope you don't mind my saying so, but it sounds like your birthing unit is a real ball-breaker. If your reproductive associate held this incident against you, then she's a bonershrinker as well.

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    I'm the kind of person who would put the grape in my mouth, realize what was going on, and pop it out of my mouth announcing to the entire room, "I ALMOST ATE A PLASTIC GRAPE!" When that's how you act, the opportunity for embarrassing moments are few and far between! But I admire your decorum! :) :)

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    Wow. Most embarrassing moment? This one has to do with sexual awakening and parental betrayal, a couple of all-time Freudian theme favorites. I was about eight or nine years old, alone watching TV in my grandmother's living room, when a commercial came on the TV screen of a woman taking a sudsy bath in a bathtub. I crawled over to the TV and planted a wet kiss on the image of the woman's body in the bathtub. I can still feel the static electricity that tingled on my puckered lips. Turning to my left, I saw that my too-quiet father was sitting in a chair in the corner of the room. I never knew he was there. Without a word, my father got up and left the room. Later, when I opened the hall door to enter the kitchen, my entire family was looking at me and laughing like crazy. They had discovered I had discovered women. And I discovered I couldn't trust my dad not to rat me out.

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    S
    At my former job EACH day when I rounded the corner between the mail room and my office, I bumped into the wall. EACH DAY. I have no idea what my problem was, but the mail room guy was constantly laughing at me. This isn't the most embarrassing, it's only the first to come to mind!

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    I was in Paris, running to a job after a long flight and seriously had to get out of my panties... I ran into the airport potty and switched...rushing, worrying about throwing them into my laptop case...not knowing what to do with this pink lace g and being the delicate flower I am, I stuffed the previously worn trans Atlantic pair I had just exchanged into my boot, feeling fresh as a daisy.......

    while rushing with one of the bosses to open a 17 million dollar DSL contract with one of the largest companies in the world.., a French female secretary in the office meandered past and looked down to see the pink lace peeking out of my boot... " Cherie.." she murmured ..looking downward.. "I think you have a problem..." she said....trying to save me seriously flushed Americainne cheeks..........
    ..........astounded and embarrassed I threw myself straight against the wall as the male French top exec.. (PRES of the international company) , prepared to invite me into his office..... at that moment.he made note...seeing my stance .he studied me with quickness.. me--looking like a deer staring into headlights , he then asked me what was wrong ... "pas problem pas problem Monsieur.." I said as I stuffed the lace back into my boot before he could catch a glimpse of the pink g and catch on...sheessss that was a close call!!

    reply to Ann-Laura
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    Oh, that's easy!

    In college, I leaned over to lock my bike to the bike rack and went tumbling over. I fell, the bike fell, and the entire rack flipped and the bikes slid and piled up.

    Of course I laughed because it was funny. No one offered to help or even asked, "Are you okay?" I pity them more than myself for being so socially inept.

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    Calvin wrote: Wow. Most embarrassing moment? This one has to do with sexual awakening and parental betrayal, a couple of all-time Freudian theme favorites. I was about eight or nine years old, alone watching TV in my grandmother's living room, when a commercial came on the TV screen of a woman taking a sudsy bath in a bathtub. I crawled over to the TV and planted a wet kiss on the image of the woman's body in the bathtub. I can still feel the static electricity that tingled on my puckered lips. Turning to my left, I saw that my too-quiet father was sitting in a chair in the corner of the room. I never knew he was there. Without a word, my father got up and left the room. Later, when I opened the hall door to enter the kitchen, my entire family was looking at me and laughing like crazy. They had discovered I had discovered women. And I discovered I couldn't trust my dad not to rat me out.

    I love the static image. We've all been there! :0)

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    I was running late for a date but couldn't find an outfit to wear. I had clothes and underwear strewn all over my room. Finally, I got dressed and left my apartment.

    I rode the subway without incident until I crossed the street, and someone yelled, "Hey, lady! You got something stuck to your leg!" I looked down, and it was one of my sticky bra cups. You know, the ones that you just stick on your chest if you're wearing a backless dress. There was NO WAY that it went unnoticed!

    I was mortified.

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    Michael wrote: One that I can remember off the top of my head took place about a year ago. I was on the train and I really had to use the bathroom. Now I am not a germaphob but train lavatories are hardly the most sanitary places. But I really had to go so decided that I really didn't have a choice. Now the way that these things work is that once inside you lock the sliding door and a light goes on outside, alerting other passengers that the lavatory is in use. Well anyway I walked in and there is this little old lady sitting there on the toilet mortified. Apparently she forgot to lock the door. I turned and hightailed it out of there as fast as I could shouting back my apologies to her. So once again I refuse to ever use a train lavatory again.

    Hey there, she should be apologizing to YOU. Are you okay??

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    I slid my ass straight across an entire intersection, in the middle of New York City, while running for a city bus in cheap shoes and simultaneously trying to be a fly girl. I was kind of okay until the freaking bus drove off and left me anyway.

    Coincidentally, you're not the only one that could have choked on that grape. Somebody pick me up.

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    Mabel wrote: I was running late for a date but couldn't find an outfit to wear. I had clothes and underwear strewn all over my room. Finally, I got dressed and left my apartment. I rode the subway without incident until I crossed the street, and someone yelled, "Hey, lady! You got something stuck to your leg!" I looked down, and it was one of my sticky bra cups. You know, the ones that you just stick on your chest if you're wearing a backless dress. There was NO WAY that it went unnoticed! I was mortified.

    Mabel -- too funny. Sorry that it happened, but what a great story now! :0)

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    Mabel wrote: I was running late for a date but couldn't find an outfit to wear. I had clothes and underwear strewn all over my room. Finally, I got dressed and left my apartment. I rode the subway without incident until I crossed the street, and someone yelled, "Hey, lady! You got something stuck to your leg!" I looked down, and it was one of my sticky bra cups. You know, the ones that you just stick on your chest if you're wearing a backless dress. There was NO WAY that it went unnoticed! I was mortified.

    Maybe you were mortified, but props to any grl with a body smokin' enough to rock a backless dress. Oh how I envy!

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    While living in Brazil I took a bus trip up the coast from Rio to Salvador. While we were stopped at a rodoviaria (bus station) I was using the toilet when I heard a woman calling for help in Portuguese. Apparently the door was stuck and she couldn't get out of her stall. Having just used the toilet, I knew the stall doors were super flimsy, so I figured I could just push the door in.

    I asked the woman to move back, and tried to budge the door open with my shoulder twice. On the third try I used my foot and tried to kick in the door and VOILA - it worked!

    Unfortunately while I managed to get the door open, I also managed to knock the poor old lady into the toilet with her clothes on!

    To make matters worse was the poor old lady was a nun!

    She kept thanking me profusely, but I thought for sure I was going to hell, particularly since her skirt had a big wet spot.

    Even worse, she was on my bus! I was so red faced and I overheard a couple on the bus point out and say, "Oh, that poor nun wet her pants!" Aargh! I felt awful!

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    haha! Ok, my most embarassing moment was when I went to Hawaii, Oahu..to visit friends...we went to the beach and I was wearing a two piece...having a great time...the waves are really crazy there, so you have to swim far out to avoid getting your neck broken when it hits because the way the waves break against the shore is really hard and many people get hurt...anyway I saw this really big wave coming and got scared and decided I could out swim it to shore...BIG mistake, the wave of course, caught up with me and I was thrown in a whirl of water and sand...Now, I am a great swimmer, and have been life guard and know, in this case you don't fight the water you just close your eyes, go along with it and keep your wit...well I survived! LOL! And had so much sand in my hair bathing suit etc!! LOL! Anyway I stand up and walk out of the water, and after clearing the debris off my face, I noticed these two young men staring at me smiling sheepishly! I kept walking over to where my friends mother was sitting on a towel..laughing...I started laughing thinking she saw what happened...then she points at me and i look down and realise my breasts were both sticking out of the bikini top!!! OH how I was embarrassed!!!!
    What made it worse was I never believed other women when they claimed their breasts would be out and they didn't even realise it! So, I finally experienced what it feels like and how humiliating it is!!!! I blame it on the wave!

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    Nikki wrote: haha! Ok, my most embarassing moment was when I went to Hawaii, Oahu..to visit friends...we went to the beach and I was wearing a two piece...having a great time...the waves are really crazy there, so you have to swim far out to avoid getting your neck broken when it hits because the way the waves break against the shore is really hard and many people get hurt...anyway I saw this really big wave coming and got scared and decided I could out swim it to shore...BIG mistake, the wave of course, caught up with me and I was thrown in a whirl of water and sand...Now, I am a great swimmer, and have been life guard and know, in this case you don't fight the water you just close your eyes, go along with it and keep your wit...well I survived! LOL! And had so much sand in my hair bathing suit etc!! LOL! Anyway I stand up and walk out of the water, and after clearing the debris off my face, I noticed these two young men staring at me smiling sheepishly! I kept walking over to where my friends mother was sitting on a towel..laughing...I started laughing thinking she saw what happened...then she points at me and i look down and realise my breasts were both sticking out of the bikini top!!! OH how I was embarrassed!!!! What made it worse was I never believed other women when they claimed their breasts would be out and they didn't even realise it! So, I finally experienced what it feels like and how humiliating it is!!!! I blame it on the wave!

    Nikki --better that it happened to you while you're young and beautiful! I witnessed an older, saggy broad lose her bikini BOTTOM and you would have thought someone had seen a shark the way everyone gasped and fled! :0)

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    Okay, there was this one time....I was walking through the grocery store...down the produce aisle. Harmless enough, right? Yet in front of me, there was a wet piece of lettuce. Apparently, they had just soaked down the produce. So here I am, walking, checking out the produce, and I stepped on that piece of lettuce. I stepped on it, yes, and it wasn't an immediate fall. It was a step and slide. I slid for a good four feet and did not fall backward, no, I fell forward, flat on my face. Boom. LIke a rock. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but my friend, she laughed. I couldn't get up, because I was in the laugh./cry mode. But I was able to look up, and when I did, all I saw was a grocery cart coming full speed at me. ANd then BOOM, it ran into me. A little old lady ran into me with her shopping cart. Now that hurt. And she didn't even notice. So there I am, laying on the ground, after I slipped on the lettuce, and after being hit by a grocery cart, and having no clue what to after that. But, thank goodness, her sweet little husband helped me up, as everyone else stared at me and my friend continued laughing at me. And I was completely sore. Oh, and did I mention, I also had a cast on at the time because I had broken my wrist.
    I am, til this day, afraid of grocery stores.
    Not really, but it was quite embarassing.

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    Nicole wrote: Okay, there was this one time....I was walking through the grocery store...down the produce aisle. Harmless enough, right? Yet in front of me, there was a wet piece of lettuce. Apparently, they had just soaked down the produce. So here I am, walking, checking out the produce, and I stepped on that piece of lettuce. I stepped on it, yes, and it wasn't an immediate fall. It was a step and slide. I slid for a good four feet and did not fall backward, no, I fell forward, flat on my face. Boom. LIke a rock. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but my friend, she laughed. I couldn't get up, because I was in the laugh./cry mode. But I was able to look up, and when I did, all I saw was a grocery cart coming full speed at me. ANd then BOOM, it ran into me. A little old lady ran into me with her shopping cart. Now that hurt. And she didn't even notice. So there I am, laying on the ground, after I slipped on the lettuce, and after being hit by a grocery cart, and having no clue what to after that. But, thank goodness, her sweet little husband helped me up, as everyone else stared at me and my friend continued laughing at me. And I was completely sore. Oh, and did I mention, I also had a cast on at the time because I had broken my wrist. I am, til this day, afraid of grocery stores. Not really, but it was quite embarassing.

    Nicole -- I hate those moments when you want to laugh but you might cry. But since you were in a store full of strangers, except for your friend, it helps...better for us to make fools ourselves with people we can just walk away from! Or in your case, limp, you know what I mean. :0)

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    Sleepwalking clad only in a green towel in the halls of my dorm in college. I don't want to know how loosely I was holding the towel or if anyone was in the halls. I can only assume I was seen. Oh, and thanks to the friend who saw me get up and walk out of the room and didn't stop me. Now there's a pal!

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    Otisol wrote: Sleepwalking clad only in a green towel in the halls of my dorm in college. I don't want to know how loosely I was holding the towel or if anyone was in the halls. I can only assume I was seen. Oh, and thanks to the friend who saw me get up and walk out of the room and didn't stop me. Now there's a pal!

    Otisol -- I used to sleepwalk when I was a kid. That's hysterical. I used to try to get out of my parent's house...projecting I guess!

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