Ask E. Jean - Tormented? Driven Witless? Whipsawed by confusion?

Advice Vixens

Vixens, am I crazy or am I justified in wanting a boob job? I'm like an A cup, I want to be a full D. I'm so jealous of women that have full big boobs. I want them so bad, for pretty much my whole life. I am 30 now and since I was 16 I was so sick of being called part of the, "ittie bittie tittie committee." It has bothered me for so long. I've put off getting it done because my mom has always been so dead set against it and I recently confided in a friend I wanted to get fake boobs and she was so harsh about it. She basically said that if I get it done, she'll have less respect for me. I have friends whose also want to get it done, so ofcourse, we totally get where the other is coming from. My ex broke up with me because of what he called my "body issues." I am so ashamed of my breast size that I don't want anyone to see my boobs. He got sick of me wearing a bra when we were making love and told me that he loved me but he can't deal with how insecure I am about it. He's right because it is paralyzing for me. I wear padded bras that add 2 cups religiously. It's basically all I wear and I even refuse to go to the beach or pool because of it, I had one top that had huge amounts of padding and I was made fun for wearing it because the padding was obvious. So I basically just stopped going. I feel like the way I dress revolves around whether or not people will be able to tell if my bra is super padded or not. My mom said I should see a counnselor, but honestly I don't want to get over my body issues. This has been my only issue since I was a teenager. I am just ready to get a boob job already. I met with a few plastic surgeons and they all tell me that I am a good candidate and I can currently afford it. I want them so bad, I know that sounds really shallow, but I feel like it's the only thing holding me back. And I'm ready to just say, "eff you.." to everyone who says I should't get them. I am making my own decisions, I am paying for it, so it's none of their business. But at the same time ... I am worried that this decision isn't the best one and that my other friends and mom are correct all along.

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    I had breast implants for 5 years and it was hands down the biggest mistake of my life. The thing about body issues is that surgery doesn't fix them and you just become insecure about something my case I went from being insecure about my deflated B cup chest to feeling ashamed and self conscious of the DDD chest I wound up with after being talked into 450cc implants by the surgeon. I strongly recommend checking out the stories on this site:

    If you decide that implants are for you, just make sure that you are getting them for yourself and not for anyone else or because you think they are an automatic fix for body issues. Talking with a therapist would be a good idea whether you decide to have surgery or not. Remember that there are many beautiful women like Kiera Knightly that totally rock a small chest so you don't need to feel ashamed! If you do decide to get implants I would recommend not going too big ( unless you really like the Pam Anderson look). Going from a B cup to a DDD was much too drastic for me and I was immediately 100X more self concious about my stripper-like chest than I ever was about being smaller. Good luck!

    reply to Leslie
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    If you truly think it will make you feel better, then go for it. However, there are limits to what a plastic surgeon can do. You've only got so much skin around your breasts and if you go from very small to very large, as you are planning, the result will not turn out well. As in you will have very noticeable (permanent!) stretch marks. And very unrealistic-looking breasts. And I have yet to see a woman go up more than a cup and a half and have it look anything other than unsightly, even when they payed more and got the sub-muscle ones. So if you are going to do this, I REALLY recommend not going larger than a large B/small C.

    reply to Jill
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    Before making such a big and expensive decision, you got about a million questions to ask yourself. Think very hard. Dont worry about answering them on this thread, they're between you and the person you're trying to become - as long as you answer them for yourself.

    Have you ever asked yourself why you want the things you want?

    Have you ever thought of all the things you have wanted most in life (whether or not you ever got them) and tried to see if they had anything in common? Put them together and complete the sentences: I usually want things that _________________. These things have meaning to me because __________________________. Make up other questions if mine are too weird. Who do you want to be and how does what you want represent it/get you closer to it?

    Have you ever thought about it, for a long time and from several different approaches, at least enough to make sure you don't just want a boob job because everyone says big boobs are better than small boobs? Cultural influence is so sneaky!

    Do you have any friends with D cups, natural or silicone? Talk to someone who has lived with big boobs for many years. Ask them everything about their experience. There will be challenges to fashion and dressing and comfort that you never even thought about. Would you be ok with it?

    could there be any possibility that you want something else, a crush maybe, or a lifestyle, that you think you have no hope of attaining....unless you had big boobs?

    Who has the kind of beauty you're going for? Do they all have to have huge hooters?

    Is there anyone in your life who teases you or belittles you about your body? Are the people around you feeding into your insecurities in subtler ways, comparing you to them or chasing perfection themselves? Is there anyone whose removal from your social life would give you freedom from worry?

    As a fellow A cup, here are the my favorite things about itty bitty titty committee membership. Make sure to consider what you're giving up...
    -a-cups are nicely proportional to the rest of my body
    -they make me look good in everything
    -they're cute!
    -bra is always optional
    -I get a lot of male attention and know it's for other reasons, either that or they're into itty bitty titties.
    -as I get older they haven't changed
    -work. My job is super physical and if they were big, some parts of my job would be uncomfortable.
    -I don't have to worry that guys will only want one thing about me and pretend to put up with the rest of me so they can impress their friends. (My friend with big boobs says she has to put up with this and it makes her insecure, even tho she's gorgeous!) Guy I'm with loves the whole package because he thinks I don't have to try. Took me forever to find him but he was out there.

    Maybe get right with yourself first, learn more about what you would actually be doing to yourself, who you want to be, then if you still want them free of exterior pressure, go ahead and never look back. But you come across in this question as a person who feels incomplete, and may be vulnerable to act on what other people think is right for you. Fixing that is much harder than giving money to a surgeon who tells you you're a great candidate. He'd tell me I'm a great candidate, too - why wouldn't he? Everyone's a great candidate to take money from!

    I'm not saying you shouldn't, or should....only you can know. but by the sound of it there's a lot of bullshit you need to clear away before you're going to see it clearly. Good luck! Hope it helps. Sorry for the novel.

    reply to Queenie
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    I usually say if it makes you feel better, do it.

    But as it is surgery, i will add that it probably wont fix underlying confidence issues, youll probably find another fault to fixate on and it could be an expensive, painful mistake.

    Ive noticed a lot of people who get boob jobs or other surgeries done often regret them later on and have implants etc removed.

    Also bear in mind, it might be worth waiting. If you have kids in the next ten years that will alter things. If i was getting a boob job, id be waiting til the kids were out of the way and then id see what i was left with and work from there.

    reply to Cass
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    This is a huge red flag for me, Anon: "I don't want to get over my body issues."

    You *have* to get over your body issues before you make a decision this serious. Believing that small bewbies are holding you back in life is not a healthy, normal mindset.

    So, you aren't making the decision to have body-altering surgery from a place of calmness and maturity. I know you don't want to hear that, but thinking that your life will suddenly be awesome if you just had bigger boobs is ridiculous.

    I'm a 32DD and being that curvy comes with issues, too.

    Workout clothes are harder to find, and you should expect shopping for bras and swimsuits to be both frustrating and expensive. And forget button-down shirts, spaghetti straps and going strapless unless you have a good, cheap tailor and find the perfect strapless bra, which is only a little harder than finding an actual unicorn.

    Dressing a curvy body to accurately reflect your personality is also a challenge. If I don't wear things that are a little bit low-cut, I look like a sofa. If I do wear things that are a little low cut, I get tons of unwanted attention. If I wear baggy things, I look like a sofa. If I wear clingy things, I get unwanted attention.

    It's not only unwanted sexual attention from immature men, either. Immature women will be jealous or dismissive. Pretty much everyone will have comments, and most will assume that large boobs mean a small IQ and also that you're probably an easy lay. Dealing with that gets old real fast. It also takes a lot of tact and a quick wit to handle that kind of crap from strangers on a daily basis.

    So, the bottom line here is that if you aren't self-confident enough to rock your little chest, you are in no way equipped emotionally to handle the level of adolescent nonsense that comes with having a big one.

    My advice is to accept and love your body the way it is and learn how to stop letting your fear of other peoples' opinions of it dictate your life.

    Once you can confidently whip off your shirt in front of a new lover and strut confidently around the pool in a teeny strapless swimsuit just the way you are now, *then* you can make the decision about implants.

    Because *then* you'll honestly be doing it only for yourself.

    reply to Robynne
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