Ask E. Jean - Tormented? Driven Witless? Whipsawed by confusion?

Advice Vixens

hey... I recently moved to a new location and am not currently working. I have a foot injury because of which I barely get out of the house.
I dont work currently and the only new people i meet are my husbands friends.
I am having a really tough time fitting in and I feel like no one wants to be friends with me. I think i am trying too hard.
Most people i have met arent very interested in talking to me and i have started overthinking everything I say.
Its like a cycle i worry if I am boring or not pleasant enough and then I lose confidence so i am actually boring.
I am really witty and fun to be with but somehow that side never comes to the front here.
My husband is much more likable than me and i worry that because of me he might not get as many invites or that ppl are thinking how nice the husband is but the wife uggghhh.
I think its probably all in my head and I am overthinking everything....
I recently called some people over and when they asked for coat hangers i panicked and did not know what to do. I also couldent find enough plates and generally acted dazed. I was so stupid. Like ppl host all the time and have it all together! But why was i not good enough?
Somehow my confidence has taken a hit and i have become nervous around people. How do I get out of this?

  • Cast your vote
    for Best Advice
  • give advice
    send this question to a friend


    You're in a brand new place, not currently employed and you're dealing with a foot injury - all very isolating. So of course you're out of sorts! What you're feeling is natural and warranted.

    While you're waiting for your foot to heal and your life to get back on track, you could join some on-line groups for hobbies or interests just so that you can get back into regular social contact.

    And I'm guessing your husband is an extrovert and better at small talk. I'm guessing you're an introvert, which means small talk is torturous for you. That's okay; one quarter to one third of the human population are introverts, so you're in good company. What introverts do better is listen. So the next time your husband's friends are over, listen and ask the occasional question. They'll think you're the most interesting conversationalist ever. And if you feel like you've said something really awkward, you can joke about it, "This foot better heal quickly or I'll forget how to speak in complete sentences!"

    Also, these are your husband's friends; they already have conversational short-cuts, shared experiences, etc. You haven't had a chance to make the same sort of connection with anyone local to you yet. Once you do, your witty and fun side will re-appear. Although, I can see some wit and humour in your post here, so it's still around.

    So the bottom line, is your issues are situational, temporary and solvable.

    Also, if you're worried about how many plates, dealing with hangers, etc., make a list ahead of time about what might be needed. The act of writing that stuff down and planning can really make a difference in dealing with the anxiety that comes with hosting.

    reply to Jill
    send this answer to a friend



    Oh, honey.

    Listen to Jill.

    You're fine, you really are.

    Just breathe.

    reply to Robynne
    send this answer to a friend



    Hey! Thanks a lot for the great advice Jill. I really appreciate it!
    I am going to make a list and be better prepared so that the next time someone comes over so that i am not so frazzled :).

    reply to anonymous
    send this answer to a friend


    Give advice or add a comment: